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Original poster

AIBU to think there may be dangers in this?

111 replies

allthingsinmoderation · 23/07/2026 18:25

To think there are dangers in this?
My son aged 20 yrs just asked my opinion and his sisters aged 23 yrs opinion of this issue, opinions appreciated.
My son is on an online dating app, he has recently come out of a long term relationship of 2 yrs and wanted more casual encounters . Hes honest about that.
He generally is attracted to slightly older women so didnt give a very young age bracket. He matched with a woman aged 42 yrs . They messaged a bit and seemed to get on ,then arranged to meet. She then said she was married and her husband agreed to an open marriage. Thats when things got a bit unusual. She said her husband had selected my sons profile for her and that she wanted to meet at her home for sex and it would be videod and later her husband would like to sit in and watch.
My son is not keen and wonders if there are dangers in this.
My DD says he should run for the hills as this video will end up on only fans or hell be blackmailed...
Is she right?

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 24/07/2026 08:47

I don't actually think it's a hugely unusual or necessarily dangerous situation, no. Her husband has a cuckolding kink - not really that uncommon.

However, your son shouldn't agree to being videoed by people he doesn't know. And he isn't into being watched, so he should just say no.

But it's not the strangest suggestion I have ever heard. I've got male friends who have told me about having similar encounters. Some don't mind, or even enjoy it.

GrandmaMazur · 24/07/2026 08:55

There is also a very real risk that the woman in this situation is being coerced into this by her husband.

Tell your son to listen to the podcast Swingers:
www.bbc.co.uk/mediacentre/2026/bbc-sounds-podcast-swingers

AngelinaFibres · 24/07/2026 08:59

allthingsinmoderation · 23/07/2026 18:32

I respect your prerogative.

Show quote history

Are you AI

Goditsmemargaret · 24/07/2026 09:03

Please talk him out of this, they sound like people he should stay away from.

RudePhthaloDalmadoodle · 24/07/2026 09:08

If he's "not keen", why would he even consider doing it? He's on a dating app, he's not looking for anything serious so he can set his filters fairly widely and get quite a lot of matches, and there are always other dating sites to try if he doesn't find someone on this one or he can meet someone at the park like half the people on this site seem to be doing judging from the past few days' posts. He can just decline this couple's overtures, block them if necessary, and keep on browsing; why waste his time/take an unnecessary risk? Seems pretty obvious, although I'll admit that I haven't checked with my mum and sis to make 100% sure.

BasketCaseBug · 24/07/2026 09:10

Kudos that the couple were upfront about their intentions, your son is smart to be wary and should probably try dating on tinder instead of fab for more mainstream interactions.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 11:34

AngelinaFibres · 24/07/2026 08:59

Are you AI

Show quote history

No, i don't have the foggiest idea about AI...

OP posts:
Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 11:40

RudePhthaloDalmadoodle · 24/07/2026 09:08

If he's "not keen", why would he even consider doing it? He's on a dating app, he's not looking for anything serious so he can set his filters fairly widely and get quite a lot of matches, and there are always other dating sites to try if he doesn't find someone on this one or he can meet someone at the park like half the people on this site seem to be doing judging from the past few days' posts. He can just decline this couple's overtures, block them if necessary, and keep on browsing; why waste his time/take an unnecessary risk? Seems pretty obvious, although I'll admit that I haven't checked with my mum and sis to make 100% sure.

I don't think he was seriously considering it (he's now told us he is definitely not),i think he just wanted to discuss the issue about potential dangers as is his prerogative as would be yours not to discuss it .
He is aware of the option around dating/meeting people online and in person.

OP posts:
NCForOneNightOnly · 24/07/2026 11:40

What could possibly go wrong?

kshaw · 24/07/2026 12:15

The husband has a fetish and she won't be as happy about it. Tell them to go on a specialised site.

Gribouille · 24/07/2026 12:25

So the wife lured your son in then the husband was added to the equation? Coercive as hell and I wouldn't trust these people further than I could fling them...

Five years later he finds a job he loves or a woman he loves and oh hey, guess what we've got on video...

Bonkers1966 · 24/07/2026 12:34

OP, it's great that your son feels safe speaking to you about this. In his heart he probably knows it's a potential disaster waiting to happen. He is probably just looking for validation here. As a mother sitting in Belfast, I hope he does not go through with this. Hope you are ok.

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 14:03

Your son "isn't keen" so why are you even asking? Surely it's obvious there may be dangers and that it's generally a good idea to follow your instincts in such cases. Don't get this post at all.

TonTonMacoute · 24/07/2026 14:10

He’s not keen decision made, surely?

There will be other opportunities for ONSs put there

Frazzled89 · 24/07/2026 14:34

kshaw · 24/07/2026 12:15

The husband has a fetish and she won't be as happy about it. Tell them to go on a specialised site.

How do you know she won't be as happy as him about it?

Catarinabella · 24/07/2026 15:19

Just love the school holidays

PrettyLittleRose · 24/07/2026 15:21

@allthingsinmoderation

Oh for goodness sake. 🙄 You KNOW this is ridiculous. Anyone who agreed to do this would have to have rocks in their head. The pair involved sound like perverts.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 16:52

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 14:03

Your son "isn't keen" so why are you even asking? Surely it's obvious there may be dangers and that it's generally a good idea to follow your instincts in such cases. Don't get this post at all.

He wasn't keen and has since decided categorically its not for him.
He asked our opinions (he would have made his own decision regardless)which is his prerogative . I was asking others opinions as is my prerogative.
You are entitled not to ask the opinions of others on anything too.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 24/07/2026 16:55

Tell him it's all fine, but you will chaperone him and sit downstairs with a cup of tea.

Glitchymn1 · 24/07/2026 16:58

No it’s fine, what could possibly go wrong. I’d be very worried the DH would be in the room watching and might join in.

WugZilla · 24/07/2026 17:02

I'm really questioning if MN is somewhere I want to be. MNHQs response to this is bizarre

A woman posting about her son having sex with a woman closer to her age, with a camera and her husband watching??

This place is turning into a #pervdreams subreddit.

Valeriekat · 24/07/2026 17:46

LilyMumsnet · 23/07/2026 18:34

Hi folks,

We've already deleted a couple of posts, so can we please keep things civil?

The OP is simply asking for opinions about a situation involving her son. It's fine to disagree or offer a different perspective, but there's no need for personal attacks or rudeness.

If you don't have anything constructive to add, please remember you can hide the thread and move on rather than posting.

You think that this is a genuine post?

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 18:24

allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 16:52

He wasn't keen and has since decided categorically its not for him.
He asked our opinions (he would have made his own decision regardless)which is his prerogative . I was asking others opinions as is my prerogative.
You are entitled not to ask the opinions of others on anything too.

Show quote history

It's not about not needing or valuing others opinions; there is obviously a place for that. Almost everyone, whether into kink or not, has said this is not safe. Your son knew it was not safe, you knew it was not safe. I am curious as to why you doubted yourself enough to need others opinions in this instance.

Original poster
allthingsinmoderation · 24/07/2026 18:44

Frillysweetpea · 24/07/2026 18:24

It's not about not needing or valuing others opinions; there is obviously a place for that. Almost everyone, whether into kink or not, has said this is not safe. Your son knew it was not safe, you knew it was not safe. I am curious as to why you doubted yourself enough to need others opinions in this instance.

Edited
Show quote history

My op was asking opinions as to wether i was being unreasonable to think there are dangers in this situation. I knew what i thought and i wanted to know the opinions of others and i got them.

OP posts:
HollyhocksandPeons · 24/07/2026 18:46

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. NOOOOO!!!! Tell him nooooo!!!!!