No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

Right😂😂😂

Come on now, don't be silly.

What's silly about it? You're not making much sense? It's a very valid point to make given the venue is so strict on numbers.

the venue has a max for a reason (usually fire regs). You explain to your sister that you are upset too but you are unable to uninvite anyone but should anyone decline or become unable to make it on the day then her boyfriend can absolutely have their place.

Can you explain why?

It's easy to see a capacity of 20 and think you can invite 20 guests. OP herself has said she has done this. So i'm genuinely baffled as to why you think my point is silly or stupid.

But one assumes there are beds for 22 else bride and groom don’t have a room to sleep?

obviously the insurance strictly covers more than 20 as you’d also have staff on site from venue and registrar and photographer etc maybe make up artist. But first ease they say 20 guests of the happy couple to define the scope.

And even if that happened, (it hasn't), you don't think the venue or a family member would point this out? Really??? Come on now, you're at it 😂😂😂

So who is sil sharing a room with?

Apologise to SIL a lot and don’t budge. It is what it is. You can profess to feel really awful about it if it helps soothe SIL’s feelings. She will ultimately get over it - especially given it sounds like she’s young enough to probably move on to someone else at some point!

FWIW we had 14 people at our wedding, it was
literally immediate family (parents, step parents and siblings) and a friend each. No one was married, but my husband’s best man and his sister were in long term relationships, and their partners were not invited. Everyone was a grown up about it.

Yes this was me, my parents, bride, groom, his mum. An auntie arrived, there was a bit of back and forth with the events manager or whatever their job title was. Auntie was told to leave and had to wait for the evening do.

It was a very small venue in Cornwall. Could someone else of fit in the room, yes. Were the venue going to allow it, no. They said insurance but who knows the real reason.

We had 75 guests at our wedding, they did check the headcount on the day. I had one unexpected guest (thought they were an all day invite but they were evening only) luckily another's plus one was ill so he filled their space. I don't know what would have happened if not ha.

Asking if they can fit one extra person is hardly "risking your relationship" with them. If they say no, graciously accept their answer, no harm done

She has asked, it's a no.

SIL is being very unreasonable to kick off about this. She knew the situation from the start.

She has asked.

My cousin didn't invite my Fiancé or my brother's Fiancée to his wedding. Even though my wedding was two months away and my brother's four. We understood until we found one of our cousins there with some bloke she'd only been dating a couple of months and my cousin saying they didn't know we had serious partners 🤦‍♀️.

You are in an awkward situation and I'd just make sure you don't have double standards with who is invited and possibly invite DP sister and their partner out for a meal. If you can invite them to the ceremony or anything happening after the formal dinner, then do!

He can't come it's simple as that. She knew at the time the plan was 20 guests, you can predict the future. She will need to get over it.

This happened to us, we had to invite my sisters boyfriend she'd be dating for a few months. She was insistent even though it was a very small wedding she was acting like her new relationship was the love affair of the century. It meant we couldn't invite other people we would have rather had at the wedding. Her boyfriend also turned out to be an abusive arsehole who was trying to fire into my best friend at the reception, leaving my sister in tears by the end of the night.

Your DP sister told you not to invite him at the time, it's not your fault that her relationship may be more serious now.
It is what it is, it's unfortunate but she will have to suck it up, she won't the only person on her own there.

You are risking getting off on a bad foot with your future sil. She might decide not to come without her partner. Then you'd have an empty space.

Unfortunately, regardless if your partner's sister likes it or not, her boyfriend can't come. Your future SIL agreed to share a room with another person, a long time ago and wasn't fussed her then boyfriend wasn't invited. Now he's a more permanent fixture in her life, she's changed her mind. It's too bad, and now the venue have confirmed the limit is 20, with no exceptions, then your SIL has two options: put up with the situation or decide to not attend her brother's wedding. The situation is now out of your control.

But what’s the answer?

she agreed not to ask him and then agreed to share a room.

Well just remind your future SIL that she gave you the okay at the time of the save the dates, and that obviously you can't uninvite any of the other guests now so unless someone drops out on the day (people get sick!) then unfortunately her BF just cannot join. Say you're sorry and it's such a shame, but you asked them venue and they wouldn't budge.

You should actually overtly ask the venue though rather than just pussyfooting around the issue and hinting that you'd like them to offer you one more guest. The worst they can say is no, and you can say "that's absolutely fine, I just wanted to ask so I couldn't tell SIL I'd done so and hopefully she'll accept it now!".

OP stated Best Man’s wife isn’t a total random as though unknown to her is known to the Groom. Best man is supporting the groom and it’s quite irrelevant what his and his wife’s relationship is to the bride.
If she’s reasonable SIL will accept the situation with good grace when she knows the situation cannot be changed.

Surely the risk here is that the sil is getting off to the wrong foot with op? It is OP’s wedding day! Op doesn’t need to appease and people please. Sil should respect their wishes! She was part of the decision. He is one boyfriend not a twenty year old marriage. It’s fine.

Try and squeeze him in - surely one extra person will be ok?

No ring no bring

I know, you can dress him up as a waiter. You never know, the owners might be grateful for a bit of extra help.