No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

ok so based on advice I asked the venue. My friend apologised but said no due to some insurance issue.

ok so based on advice I asked the venue. My friend apologised but said no due to some insurance issue.

You posted about this exact thing several weeks ago and you got told by the vast majority of people that you were being unkind and unfair.

Now you are back with the same problem which hasn't resolved itself except this time you are mentioning that the venue only holds 20 and you've already got a guest list of 20. That wasn't made clear before, as I recall. I guess you are hoping that as there appears to be absolutely nothing you can do to squeeze him in, you will be told you don't need to feel bad about it.

But given your DP's sister already had this boyfriend when you booked the wedding, you should have allowed space for a plus 1 for her and proceeded on the assumption that they would still be together by the time of the wedding.

What you've done is pretty bad form but you obviously still stand by your own decision making process and I don't know what you expect to hear this time that is any different from last time.

we have a small wedding venue. It's a private house with accommodation for 20 people.

We are having 20 guests.

The problem we/re having is partners. Some poeple are married, others engaged, others dating for 7 months, some living, and some we haven't met.

While some partners we want there others we are inviting out of politeness.

When we sent out save the dates the criteria was either married, together 5 years, engaged, or living together. All the invites were all named so the 20 know theyre invited.

When we found the venue before we got engaged our guest list was 20.

4 months later we got engaged and booked it and DP sister had been dating a man casually for 4 months. We sent out save the dates he wasn't included.

But now it's 1 year later and we're sending out invites. But theres no room for an extra guest.

DP sister is very upset. What do we do?

Not inviting partners is really bad form.

But what can you do now? You either find a way to fit him in or accept you messed up and apologise.

Can you post the link to OP's earlier thread which she must have posted using a different user name. I can only find this post when using Advanced Search to find all OP's threads.

No it's not. Partners who are not well known to everyone else can make a wedding miserable when they get bored and want to leave early.

Or it can be a great opportunity for them to get to know everyone a bit better.

At a tiny, intimate wedding? Sure…if he’s one of the 20 closest people to OP. It’s entitled to expect to launch your boyfriend at an intimate wedding. At a huge wedding—absolutely. When the fire regs are 20—absolutely not.

It's hardly an intimate wedding of the OPs closest and dearest family and friends when she's never even met one of the guests attending...

So who should OP uninvite so that the BF can come to her “hardly intimate wedding”?

The guest she's never met would be a good place to start don't you think? Surely the best man doesn't need his wife their to hold his hand?

ok so based on advice I asked the venue. My friend apologised but said no due to some insurance issue.

Thanks. @tentatives there is your solution— @VIII says that you need to ininvite the best man’s wife. @VIII so is the best man now sharing a room with the BF, or are the Sis/BF sharing, and the best man shares with the single female guest?

You posted about this exact thing several weeks ago and you got told by the vast majority of people that you were being unkind and unfair.

Now you are back with the same problem which hasn't resolved itself except this time you are mentioning that the venue only holds 20 and you've already got a guest list of 20. That wasn't made clear before, as I recall. I guess you are hoping that as there appears to be absolutely nothing you can do to squeeze him in, you will be told you don't need to feel bad about it.

But given your DP's sister already had this boyfriend when you booked the wedding, you should have allowed space for a plus 1 for her and proceeded on the assumption that they would still be together by the time of the wedding.

What you've done is pretty bad form but you obviously still stand by your own decision making process and I don't know what you expect to hear this time that is any different from last time.

They could like many guests at weddings across the country travel on the day or stay in a nearby hotel.

It really is just coming across that the OP doesn't like this person and is looking for any excuse for him to not attend. Which is fine but at least own the decision and make it clear rather than fabricating some ridiculous story as to why he cannot attend.

At a tiny, intimate wedding? Sure…if he’s one of the 20 closest people to OP. It’s entitled to expect to launch your boyfriend at an intimate wedding. At a huge wedding—absolutely. When the fire regs are 20—absolutely not.

Far easier than at a huge wedding IMO, but as it seems there is no way around this the opportunity to get to know him is lost and instead they will be getting to know someone they might never see again. I think the SIL is reasonable to be upset though.

Or it can be a great opportunity for them to get to know everyone a bit better.

There must be a way of squeezing another person in. Like what if you got pregnant in the interim? is it just the ceremony venue or the meal part?

I doubt anyone is going to do a headcount on the day are they? Is there any child that could sit on a lap?

Could you ask him and one or two other partners that are not immediate family to go to the bar and meet you all for the meal afterwards?

There is no way I would leave them out .

‘Some insurance issue’ how vague.

I’m struggling to think of any venue so tiny that 21 people would impact insurance.

Yes, of course, there’s a max limit for most venues, but that’s like 400, let’s say, and that would be in a venue taking 350 usually. It’s never exactly the number that’s usually booked.

The issue is usually H&S related ie more people potentially block ingress / egress.
What room is so small that 21 people cause the issue?

You don’t want him there.