No room for sister's partner at our 20 person wedding

Ooh was it the one where OP had a bizarre list of whether the relationship would survive or not in order to give an invite? If so she was basically judging relationships in order to give out invites.
i Remember that one. OP came across rather badly.

@tentatives I have to say that if I were DP sister, I would accept it. That’s life and it’s your big day. I genuinely would not make a fuss or get upset over it.

Honestly!

Unfortunately you can’t predict the future, therefore the 20 already invited stay as it is and partner is unable to attend, maybe arrange to go for a meal with them at some point after
but in this instance it is what it is and they can’t attend

Oh for goodness sake. SIL's partner just can't go and that's that. She was fine with this at the time of booking so she's being totally unreasonable now. She needs to grow up.

You could live stream the ceremony and encourage him and maybe some other friends who don't fit in the venue to gather together to watch it. It's obviously a secondary event but in the context of the wedding itself being so small it's not that unreasonable to provide an option for wider friends and family.

Which is going to be awkward for the OP, as there are currently 22 people attending the wedding.

20 guests, herself and the future husband.

At our family wedding someone turned up who had declined the invitation ! We didn’t want any unpleasantness to spoil the day and asked the manager could they add one more seat to the table and we’d pay the extra and they did . It still annoys me horrible little toad!

Is she your only sister? You couldn't possibly have anticipated this. Invite just them to a wedding breakfast instead?

He isnt invited. This shouldn't come as a shock. Just repeat it isn't possible.

You had no idea when you sent out the save the dates how long your sister's relationship would last and neither did she. The situation is quite clear and surely it's not the end of the world if the boyfriend isn't there. In any case you were always clear that you only had room for 20 people so maybe tell your sister you will do something nice for the four of you at another time. It is really unfair for her to be throwing a strop about this.

Weddings are expensive. If the wedding is 20 people, sister can't expect her boyfriend to be on the guest list. You don't know him.

I honestly think this is on dps sister a bit, you asked at 4 mths in when organising everything and she said not to invite him. I'm not sure, with such a tiny wedding in such a specific type of venue, that she can really expect him to be squeezed in. Venues like that simply must be really strict because their fire arrangements and therefore insurance will run off their maximum occupancy - if they breach that and someone is hurt or the place is burnt down, they are liable (if they knew) and not covered by insurance. They'd never be able to say yes.

I think it's just a slightly brutal honest chat that says - we organised who was sharing rooms, who was invited, the venue etc etc, with you at the time we could change things and you said you were happy. Unfortunately we took your word that he wouldn't be able to come and it wasn't serious, it's great that he is part of your life now but the arrangements are stuck with what you agreed at the time. Presumably all her family and other people she knows are there. It's one day and one night and she's only been seeing the guy a year - its not going to be a nightmare for her. My partners best friends got married after we were 10 months into living together, he didn't get a plus 1 because at the time they did their guest list and invited people I was his new gf and they'd only met me a few times - when they got married we were actually really close and saw them a lot as couple friends, but the guest list was fixed, it was fine and I totally got it.
You're clearly hosting a teeny tiny wedding and she knows this, it's obvious he can't be squeezed on, you've even asked, I'm not sure what more she can imagine happening. Does she genuinely want you to lose your deposit on the venue and change the plan for her (fairly short length) boyfriend? Or does she really want you to speak to an invitee and ask them not to come because her bf wants their spot- ask her which option she is thinking is a good or appropriate option here (that makes more sense than sticking to the plan, which she signed off on previously).

What?? A head count for 6 people? Sure, why would they need to? And there was a 7th person trying to sneak in? 😂 like how?

I’m fascinated to know the tiny venue that could only accommodate 6 people!

Musical chairs - I like this idea 😂😂

Honestly it's no big just explain the situation most places are very sympathetic with weddings, most places will do almost anything to make someone's big day how they want it.

You message SIL and say you would have loved to have him there but as everything was finalised before things got serious with them you have asked the venue but they have said no and there isn’t anything further you can do. You hope she understands and would they like to go out to dinner sometime soon, your treat.

I run a small accomodation venue, if there were a fire then the insurer would look at the fire risk assessment, the risk assessment would say "max guests 20" they would then look at who was on site, 21 people. They'd then refuse to pay and the venue would be screwed. Worst case scenario they'd also be liable for knowingly breaching their own fire risk assessment and creating what would be viewed as a dangerous situation (e.g. too many people could block exits, be harder to evacuate etc etc). It sounds mad and of course it is slightly mad, in that 1 extra person is highly highly unlikely to cause a fire or create an evacuation issue or any other kind of issue, BUT we all know insurers. If they can avoid paying out then they will and in this scenario they absolutely would refuse.

Whenever I’ve seen similar 11th hour requests IRL, they’ve always been from young/unmarried guests who have never planned a wedding, or guests who are accustomed to buffet receptions at the local church hall. They have no idea about head counts, seating plans, ordering specific numbers of meals, etc etc.

Sneak him in. It'll be fine.

Honestly, the stupidity on here sometimes blows my mind.

Someone always pulls out last minute.

Why is that poster stupid? People often forget to include themselves on the headcount and see 20 guests as 20 people to invite rather than 20 total including the bride and groom.

A few posters have made similar comments on the thread along the same lines.

Where there’s a will there’s usually a way. If you really can’t change things explain exactly what has happened and express your sincere apologies for leaving someone out. Offer to put them up in a nearby hotel if all else fails.
Damage limitation is key .

Exactly. OP said that they have invited 20 guests. I, and other posters have pointed out that they don't seem to have included themselves in the numbers.

If the venue have said that there are insurance issues which mean 1 other guest cannot be permitted on site, then the OP may actually need to univite a few other guests. As the current total is 22.

My DH is absolutely delighted when he isn't invited to weddings! Your SIL partner may not want to go in any event!