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Which aspects of looking after a baby did you just not *get*?

158 replies

KateMumsnet · 25/07/2014 15:10

Hello all

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed that we've been making a few videos recently - if you haven't had a look, do nip over to our new Video page for a quick squizz. And do also subscribe to our YouTube channel: it takes literally 3 secs (and you won't be bombarded with YouTube emails, promise!).

Anyway - we're planning a series of 'How To' videos for new parents, and we thought we'd ask you to cast your mind back to those early days, and tell us which aspects of looking after a baby would have been much easier if you'd had a step-by-step video to help you. Things like 'how to swaddle a newborn' .

Do let us know what you'd have liked to have seen clearly demonstrated - whether newborn-related, or with older babies. We'd also love to hear the cunning baby and/or toddler care 'hacks' which have made life easier: we'll compile them into a vid to spread the joy.

Thanks in advance,

MNHQ

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theendoftheendoftheend · 13/08/2014 00:15

Not exactly a demonstration but I REALLY wish SOMEONE had told me that its totally normal at about 5 days post birth to feel as thought your whole world has imploded and just sob your heart out due to hormones (its is much less helpful when someone tries to tell you this DURING the hormonal breakdown!)

And also that babies will have a growth spurt at regular intervals (about 10 days is the first one?) and if you're breast feeding you really need to just settle in, have a good book, the remote, snacks and drinks to hand and accept you will do nothing but cuddle and feed your baby until it is done.

goodgodlemon · 12/08/2014 20:26

Just about everything!! When the health visitor came to visit after 2 weeks and asked if I had any questions I took out a large lever arch file and proceeded to grill her for about an hour. Best advice I got (that day!) was on how warm should i dress up DD when going out - answer was one layer more than I was wearing. Also I had real difficulty breastfeeding feeding and I really wish there had been less pressure on me to carry on as had borderline depression as a result. Second time much easier as far less pressure :)

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/08/2014 18:31

Make sure you get out in the fresh air every day - life seems much better. Go out to Baby Groups to keep in contact with like minded new Mums - these were my life savers as I had/have no family nearby.

MAKE time for yourself - make sure DH/DP does there fair share right from the outset. My DH got up one night a week at the weekend to feed the baby from the word go (I bottle fed from the outset)

ancientbuchanan · 11/08/2014 23:06

No off switch.

On a good day you will manage a bath or shower and maybe read a bit of a newspaper. On a bad day you won't. And ignore all that stuff about getting dressed. That's for the birds.

Breast feeding, so hard. Breast pumps useless, latching impossible.

And although nhs is stalinist about bfing, much of the guidance was written round bottle fed babies and did not suit breast fed ones, eg time between feeds, weight and height gain. Don't know if still true.

That sometimes your db has a growth spurt and all you can do is sit there while you provide an udder. It's v boring.

That if you are giving out, you need liquid coming in or else you become constipated.

And what comes in will affect your db. So coffee will make him wired. Champagne, strawberries and melon are all acidic and will cause tummy pain. Fizzy water and champagne will make him windy or hiccupy. Flapjacks will cause diarrhoea.

And reflux. Omg, reflux.

Always put a t-shirt over work clothes but don't forget to take it off before you get there. Don't bother to buy muslins, use the 71 teatowels great aunt Mary has been giving you for the last 12 years. You will need them and they are more absorbent.

If your child has a fever in the first three weeks, it has a fever. Ignore the hv who says it can't happen.

make your op give you at least one nights sleep week if you are able to express and bottle feed/ bottle feed. If the little bugger won't accept a bottle even with expressed milk, make your op do all the nappies. It's a bonding experience for them.

anotherbitofcake · 10/08/2014 20:53

Baby led weaning - how much is normal for them to eat - i still have no idea, tips e.g feeding in bumbo good etc, non messy foods or easier foods for when out, keeping utensils clean, key nutrients they need and great recipe ideas e.g I'm obsessed about iron and how I can get it in recipes.

anotherbitofcake · 10/08/2014 20:47

Oh god yes colic and reasons for crying. I was distraught for months with a colicky, tongue tied baby.

anotherbitofcake · 10/08/2014 20:45

Using breast pump
Yes to winding, swaddling, sterilising and making up feeds

anotherbitofcake · 10/08/2014 20:45

Using breast pump
Yes to winding, swaddling, sterilising and making up feeds

jaffajiffy · 10/08/2014 17:20

When DS was 6 weeks old I managed to put a load of washing on while he sat in his bouncy chair. I don't think I hung it up; it stayed in the washer until DH got home. It was the first thing I'd done that wasn't specifically keeping DS or me fed or watered since DS had been born. Before the birth I'd had no idea just how all consuming a newborn is. After one day where I hadn't eaten til 1pm, we had to start a routine where DH brought me toast before he left for work. I really wasn't prepared for being so tightly bound to a little scrawny wailing and sucking thing. Personal grooming didn't exist anymore. Hygiene was optional. All existence was hunched over watching his latch or hunched over the nappy change or hunched over watching him sleep. I wish someone had prepared me for that.

slightlyglitterstained · 10/08/2014 14:20

How to get nipple into mouth of tiny newborn, when you only have two hands, both of which are occupied, and he seems incapable of not shoving his hand in the way just as you're about to stick nipple in.

A rundown of all the different baby clothes and what they are actually called, and when you use them. Inc as people say, envelope necks. Oh, and mentioning baby bundlers/nightgowns for popper-free middle of night nappy changes - that would've been damn handy!

Cues for tiredness, hunger etc are good. How to train people around you that the correct response to bfing mother is to bring water & snacks, not to feck off to other end of house.

Oooh - actually maybe an "etiquette for visitors of new parents video" might be handy to point prospective visitors too, given the number of threads on here from distressed and knackered new parents with unintentionally inconsiderate visitors. Could include tips on what to expect tiny baby to do, and how to politely refuse if you don't want to hold them Wink

HowAboutNo · 10/08/2014 05:54

Grobag do swaddle blankets that are already the right shape - I'm not going to be able to describe it very well, but if you google it, you'll see - and they are the only reason I managed to successfully swaddle.

YY to the cleaning of the neck - how the hell do I get in there properly without hurting her?! Cheesy neck syndrome indeed.

mineofuselessinformation · 09/08/2014 21:09

Doctors saying colic didn't exist back then before three months. God only knows what it was in that case...Hmm
Oh, and cheesy neck syndrome - I felt awful when first dc had it!

PistolWhipped · 08/08/2014 22:57

How to deal with alarmists who say routine is cruel.

dolallymum · 07/08/2014 07:58

How to deal with colic. Confused

mathanxiety · 06/08/2014 19:49

Memories of terrified little cries from the depths of a sling make me say -- slings, how the heck do you rig them up.

Latching.

Circumcision care -- I know this is controversial and no bunfight intended , but some families choose it, and not many doctors/MWs/HVs in Britain know about care afterwards.

The emotional end of things. It's a shock to the system. The claustrophobia (mentioned above), the feeling you are being judged, the resentment of people not helping properly or helping enough, the exhaustion and how nutty it will make you.

Helpful list of replies to people butting in with their 'well meaning suggestions' and opinions of what is 'normal'. Emphasis on the fact that all babies are unique and because a particular baby isn't yet sleeping through the night, etc., it doesn't mean the mother is doing something wrong.
It especially doesn't mean breastmilk isn't enough.

A long bit on what friends and family can do to actually help as opposed to sitting down and expecting feeding and watering and entertainment when visiting.

What is normal in older sibling behaviour when the baby arrives. Some parents have expectations that are too high.

nappyaddict · 05/08/2014 07:53

breastfeeding and winding.

chocolatecheesecake · 04/08/2014 18:40

How to put a baby down "drowsy but awake"

How to settle a baby to sleep. First baby I just fed her, cuddled her and walked out of the room. Couldn't understand why that didn't work...

General parenting/ looking after a newborn skills. I felt quite prepared for the birth having done both NHS and nct antenatal classes, but not having had any experience of babies before my own I had no clue about how to look after a baby. Cue much reading/ mumsnetting in the dead of night trying to work out what the hell to do next.

Toddler taming!

The art of distraction...

cherrylola · 03/08/2014 16:42

Breastfeeding
Wrapping a baby in a stretchy sling
Winding, poor DS didn't get winded at all for the first 3 days of his life as in the post birth fog no one told us to! It wasn't until his Grandad just held him and decided to wind him that we realised we should be doing it Confused.
Using washable nappies, how to put them on, wash them and tips for use out and about.

Valuenotadded · 03/08/2014 12:10

Click on the 'films' link at the top there are some excellent 'how to' videos on bf. also some interesting videos about baby communication and premature /unwell babies.

Valuenotadded · 03/08/2014 12:08

Great bf info at www.bestbeginnings.org.uk/

Rivercam · 03/08/2014 08:24

Different sleep routine s - controlled crying etc

WottaMess · 03/08/2014 08:19

Agree re post birth body. I had hives as an allergic reaction to prolactin, along with trigger thumb and fingers and elbows and knees and hips and hips/back/pelvis in agony until I dropped bf.

BomChickaMeowMeow · 03/08/2014 05:56

Not realising how tired or over-stimulated babies get I think was the main one.

ChangeIsNear · 02/08/2014 17:23

How to combine feed and the importance of not missing a feed or feeds, as that makes you susceptible to mastitis and engorgement.

What to do if baby can't breastfeed or you want to switch to formula.

Allergies/intolerances in babies - it is so common now, and certainly needs addressing!

DownyEmerald · 01/08/2014 22:45

Oh yes signs of tiredness - knowing what ear rubbing meant was life changing!

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