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Original poster

Shocked myself thinking about overdosing

43 replies

SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 09:02

Was thinking of changing my name for this but decided not to in the end. Woke up feeling rough this morning so went to medicine cupboard to get some paracetamol. I was taking them out of the packet and I actually spent a few moments wondering whether or not I could take more and if it would help me. I have always said in the past that I could never harm myself as I am too much of a wimp and I am pretty sure I never would. I know I wouldn't want to do it for my children and my husband's sake. It's scared me to death knowing that I could even think about it. I'm shaking so much typing this.

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Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/03/2005 18:13

Had a good break from the kids today. At school most of the day - my sister has picked them up and taken them to her house for a couple of hours. Got the housework done which makes me feel better - only trouble is I have worn myself out. Gonna sit and relax tonight.

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Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/03/2005 11:26

Hi Merlin.

I woke up with a headache again this morning but didn't want to go to the medicine cabinet for a paracetamol in case the thought entered my head again. I am 99.9% sure that I wouldn't have done anything but I scared myself to bits yesterday.
Am going to read through my AD leaflet and see if the feeling I had is a side effect or not.

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Merlin · 14/03/2005 11:23

Morning Sparkler - sorry to hear you're still feeling down today. If the housework will help then go for it - but try and sit down and have a bit of me time too - veg out with the daytime TV trash with a cup of coffee!!! Or go out for a walk - are you far from the beach? Whatever you do, hope you feel a bit brighter by the end of the day - thinking of you. Take care.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 14/03/2005 11:20

Hi. I'll let you hi-jack - I don't mind.
Sorry to hear you have been having a bad time Gwenick and you get yourself back on your feet soon. It is such a common problem this depresssion thing isn't it.
Still feeling low today - and very tearful too. Dh is at work and dds are both at school until 3pm. Gonna get on and sort this tip of a house out now - hopefully it will help.

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Gwenick · 13/03/2005 23:10
  • sorry sparkler for hijacking

Socci - no not really - most of my friends (don't have that many 'close' friends in my town) I only see during the day with kids in tow.

Some of them have invited me out for drinks and the like - but we've got no income at the moment so haven't been able too.

Socci · 13/03/2005 23:08

Message withdrawn

Gwenick · 13/03/2005 23:04

Socci - one minute I'm 'up' the next I'm 'down'. Not really sure [frown emoticon]

Doesn't help that apart from the first weekend of being on the AD's (2 weeks ago) DH seems to have 'forgotten' about it and 'assumes' that I'm feeling better all the time..........but then I KNOW he's really stressed out at the moment so I can't really expect him to be 'that' supportive.

I keep finding myself putting on the 'happy face' and doing what I've always been good at - 'pretending' to be happy

Socci · 13/03/2005 23:00

Message withdrawn

Gwenick · 13/03/2005 22:49

oh gosh sparker - you know for once I can really relate to this - I found myself thinking almost the exact same thing this morning while DH was still asleep, the boys were wrecking the lounge and I was doing ironing on 'autopilot'...

I know I wouldn't (and couldn't) have done it but it 's really frightening. The odd thing is I actually had a quite good day afterwards though - the boys really made me smile and DH was a real sweetie.

Haven't read the rest of the thread so sorry if this doesn't make any sense now.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 22:09

Gonna get some sleep now. Thanks for listening to me. xx

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Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 21:36

I can't stop thinking about this morning. Feel so bad about making dh worry about me. I wanted to tell dm today but she has so much to worry about with stepdad - I think it would only make her worse. I don't want to hide what happened from anyone as I feel someone should be aware of how I feel in case I got really bad.

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Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 21:21

Thanks Merlin.

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Merlin · 13/03/2005 21:03

Naughty Sparkler!!! - you must remember to take your ADs!!! Glad to hear you're going to just potter about this week. As I said before I don't know the background but I had 2 bouts of PND after DS was born so have got a bit of an idea what it's like so feel free to CAT me if you want to - it'll take my mind off the impending birth!!!

BubblesDeVere · 13/03/2005 21:02

Sparkler, sleep and rest are two of the best things you can do as well as taking your ad's. When I start feeling really low, what ever the weather I get wrapped up and go for a long walk (on my own) then come in have a long bath and cup of hot chocolate, the mixture of fresh air and exercise also work wonders, though I do understand if you don't fancy, I can sometimes very very easily not go out for 7-8 days.

LGJ · 13/03/2005 20:57

I have to take a heart tablet and an aspirin every day.

I used to forget, so regularly that I stopped taking them and nearly had a stroke.

Now, the only way I can remember is to put them in the tootbrush mug, so I see them every morning.

My uncle who also has to take heart tablets (healthy lot !!!) sets his mobile to bleep every morning around 11 when things are quieter and he is generally having a cuppa.

LGJ · 13/03/2005 20:53

Sparkler

Take it easy this week, if a tidy house makes you feel better, then put on some loud music and do a blitz.

Then spend the rest of the week, in Bridget Jones mode, allowing yourself lots of treats on account of being incredible person and housewife

lunavix · 13/03/2005 20:52

I've done the same too only taken it twice this week

sorry you are feeling so bad hun {{hugs}}

Hope it gets better with quieter nights and more meds

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 20:51

........going to make sure I take my ADs every day too - have been forgetting them quite a lot since GP upped my dose.

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Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 20:50

I am going to hold off going to gp for now. I am going to have a steady week this week. Going to lay off any alcohol and get some early nights in. DDs are both at school tomorrow so I am going to potter around at home and try and get on top of all the jobs here. A tidy house always makes me feel a bit better.

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Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 20:49

People are always surprised to hear how I am really feeling. They say that I always seem okay. On the outside I probably am but inside I am really low.

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Merlin · 13/03/2005 19:57

Oh Sparkler sorry to hear you're feeling like this - you always seem so bubbly!!! Your DH sounds like an angel for letting you try and get some rest (although it was difficult). I don't know your circumstances but am sure the counselling will help in some way - in the meantime do you think a visit to your GP would be helpful? If you want to talk further please feel free to CAT me. Big hugs and look after yourself. xx

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 19:46

Managed to get a couple of hours sleep this afternoon. Didn't feel much better for it. I think I have really worried dh. He keeps asking if I'm okay. He went out with dds this afternoon and tried to phone me on my mobile. I never heard it ring. There were two missed calls on it when I saw it. Dh said he was really worried when I didn't answer - he thought something had happened.

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bunny3 · 13/03/2005 16:59

Sparkler, sorry about your crappy day/night . hopefully tommorrow will be mcuh easier (a hangover and tiredness always make things seem much harder to cope with) bunnyxx

Christie · 13/03/2005 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SPARKLER1 · 13/03/2005 12:21

Thanks Blueteddy. Gonna rest now.

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