I'm so so sorry

Perfect words from Lou as ever. Please don't apologise essbee, there's no need. Someone else said that all we have done for you is done out of love and concern. That's true. Use the system, keep strong, lean on your friends here and in RL. You are much too precious to throw in the towel.

Essbee contact me if you want to talk, im not going to post much on here apart from you are in charge of your own destiny, you dont have to apologise to anyone for your actions. Save the energy in getting yourself better and forget about others. It is a bit like getting your own oxygen mask on in the plane before helping people with theres.

I don't know you and I don't have anything useful to add to the wise things that have already been said. I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon.

I want to have written lou's post - I agree with every word she's written. You can do it, essbee, you really can. You have come so far already and achieved so much - this is a very bad bit you are in now, but you wil come out the other side with professional help and support from your friends. You've come too far to give up now.

All i want you to do is get better. Take any help that is offered and stop being too proud to accept.

You need to keep seeing your gp, and any other professionals as well. Mn is a fantastic place, but it cannot become the only thing to keep you going, although it is v easy to hide inside it's blanket of security and support.

You have to try and take some small steps to help yourself now, as we can only do so much. I believe that you love your kids, and you are a good mum. I believe that you are extremely unhappy , but you dont want to die. I know you are struggling to cope with life and the things you have to deal with, and that is completely normal for someone in the middle of a major depression, I have been in the same place as you remember, but the main fact , however harsh, is that you DO have to try and cope. It is not just about you now you are a parent. It won't be easy, will feel like wading through treacle, but it can and will get better, but ONLY if you make a superhuman effort to help yourself, and that starts by going to the gp and taking her advice. I spoke to her for quite a while and she does want to help.

Use your friends in rl and on mn to support and encourage you during this journey, but you have to make those first few steps alone, if you want to start getting better.

Take care and much love xx

hi essbee, I had a feeling it might be you. Like the others have said, please don't apologise for anything, there's no need. We are just pleased that you were able to come to mumsnet when you needed help and support and some lovely people near to you were able to provide help.

Yes, there was a collection and yes you do deserve it. Lots of people care about you and want you to get better and wanted to help you in whatever way they could.

Please look after yourself and good luck at the doctors.

CQ xxx

Typical essbee after all that to log on and go straight to Titania's thread to see how she is.

and have just read that utter shite on the other thread . Ignore it essbee; it's bullshit. (sorry to swear but sometimes, like now, it's necessary)

essbee please don't apologise, you have nothing to say sorry for. Just so glad you are OK. obviously lots of us don't 'know' you in RL but we do know you've had a hard time of it lately and hopefully you can start to feel better soon.

Hi Essbee

Glad to see your name again - but please don't apologise for anything that you did. You are a really lovely woman and your children will be proud to have you for a mum when they are old enough to realise everything that you have gone thru.

Please push to get help, and let people help you , which I know can be a lot harder than it sounds.
Take care of yourself please love

Hugs

lili xxxxxxxxx

You did make me smile in your post "

No need for sorry. I'm just so glad that people were around to physically take care of you. So glad to know that you will be around for a long time. You are a great mum. You called for help when you needed it and I'm glad that you got it. None of us who helped would have done so had we thought you didn't need it. There but for the Grace of God could walk any of us. Take time, rest, talk to who you need to. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and kisses to you.

hi essbee - you can't get any impression on yourself from a bitter and abusive poster who can't be bothered to get her facts straight before jumping in. The nature of the beast with depression is that you will believe 1 negative person over 1 million positve people about you.

best of luck with the GP.

Essbee

Sorry for what, I am sitting here in tears, due purely to the fact that you are typing.

All that was done, was done out of love.

I agree with Awen - I am new, and know nothing about your situation, but I do feel that what you have been through will probably make you a much more understanding mother, and stronger in the process.

If nothing else, you would know the signs to look out for for your own children - my mum felt so guilty because she thought I just had dodgy hormones and cried lots, when we found out I'd had depression for 5 years! You would see the signs early, and get them help.

At the end of the day, you are the only mummy your babies want, and to them, you are perfect. Your DD drawing you with a sad face... it just shows that she cares about you.

Huge huge hugs

xxxx

essbee you have nothing to be sorry for i didnt no vlost was you, dont give up hunnny your too precious{{{{{{{{{{{{[}}}}}}}}}}}}

Oh essbee, I just read that other thread first, and am shaking with anger as I type. I'm soooo sorry that was the thread that you read when you came back on MN.

You shouldn't be the one who is sorry at all. You have been going thru hell! But please know that there are many people here who care very much about you. Lots of love to you! xxxx

hi essbee we havent chatted much in the past, but just wanted to say hi and hope you are feeling ok today. speak to you later, lots of love xxx

Haven't spoken to you essbee but just really glad to hear you're OK and able to post. I'm sure you're a fantastic Mum - you're just having a bit of a sticky patch but I'm sure with love and support from the right people (and of course mumsnet!) you'll soon be feeling a bit better. Take care and please don't be so hard on yourself. x

You don't need to be sorry, essbee, you just need to get well. Don't stop trying - you have too much to live for.

Sending you love and hugs essbee. xxxx

SB, so glad you are ok, went though your posts, and realised you had not posted since the (vlost) posts, and hoped it wasn't you. Lurked on the post, and just cried for you, when it dawned on me. Can't offer much help to you right now, feeling shitty myself, was feeling depressed on mothering sunday, so I didn't see mum or ring her, and then Monday morning was told she had a heart attack, she's still in hospital, and hopefully will be better soon. I drive from Surrey to north london everyday, with the 3 boys in tow.... I want you to will yourself better..... I want to take you out, and make you better..... SB we need you, and its when something like this happens, that we sit up and take notice. You have given me the strength to go on, when it was the last thing I wanted to do. I have come off the AD's and am now seeing a counsellor, I have you to thank for that. DON'T YOU DARE GIVE UP ON ME NOW !!!!!

a promise is a good thing! youre very much loved...damn im gonna go now cus im embarrassing!! speak soon. was lovely to talk to you tonight xx

essbee....I'll tell you what sort of mother you are....a bloody fantastic one who cares about her children. OK so you had a blip....havent we all. You cope with things that so many mothers would never understand. You are a strong person and you will get through this, given time and support.
Just you take care.
JMxxx