I'm so so sorry

good to hear from you essbee. LOL re: HRH Soupy!

HI essbee I know you saw the email I sent soupy- haven't got anywhere with names yet (sorry ) I re-read your thread on SN the other day - and honestly I know how absolutely exhausting it is dealing with the behaviour you are dealing with on a daily basis. it is utterly wearing. I hope that you all start to get into the system soon. Please try and ask about getting an extra pair of hands to help out- it can make a huge difference.

In the meantime if you want a number to ring (now or in the future) just to offload about the behaviour issues feel free to email me and I'll send you my phone number. I can't do anything much else but I do understand what it is like living with that behavour (as ds1 is being vile at the moment- and the mindless destruction is exhausting!) Swapping stories can help. I ring friend's facing the same sort of issues daily- and without that I think would end up in a heap

Please don't call yourself selfiish, you reached the end of your tether- and you've had an awful lot to deal with.

essbee good to hear from you - get well soon

Like everyone else I'm just so pleased that you're back and I hope that each day is better than the last.
You're never far from my thoughts.

Really glad to see you posting, Essbee. Grab all the support you can (on here and in Real Life) with both hands, there's nothing to be ashamed of in asking for help. XXX

welcome back Essbee. Look forward to tomorrow. It will be an uphill journey, but it will be so worth it when you get to the top and can breathe fresh air again and enjoy life. wishing you all the luck in the world, and take good care of yourself - don't be too hard on yourself. Love DH x

Essbee, today is a new day. Welcome back, how brave you are. Stand tall and start again....next time you get really low - and it is human to be low - don't let it grip you and take you down. Just be aware that the feeling is there and that it will pass, it will always pass....

Hugs.....

Essbee I didn't follow your thread at all, but my immediate thought on reading your first post here, is that anyone who has been through what you have, really doesn't owe anyone any apologies. You don't need to feel apologetic or guilty, you just need support. I do hope you get it, and wish you all the best.
x

Just had to say that Ive been thinking of you soo much the last few days. I understand how you may feel, but please please accept all the help being given. I think in some way with what happened, thats what you were asking for. Im so glad youve come on and spoken. Just think this time last year on here I told people I was strapped in an ambulance and carted to pschye unit.

I havent yet read what was posted , but you know thats not how 99.99 % of people think. I think youve been very brave to have carried yuorself along as you have done so. Now is some time for you to heal YOU and then the rest will follow.

essbee - I only just caught up on this all last night as I have not been online much recently. PLease don't feel you need to apologise, I am only so very sorry that you felt such terrible despair on Monday. Take care of yourself and I hope that your road to recovery is a smooth and swift one. Thinking of you.

Essbee everyone else has said it all so much better, but I wanted to add my name to the list of people who are thinking of you and to underline that you really don't need to apologise, just to accept the support and get well soon.

xxx

essbee - I don't really know you but can only reiterate that you have nothing to apologise for - thank god you did post on Monday and that you have such good friends to take care of you. Sending you love and xx

Essbee, I'm wishing you many, many get well thoughts. I can relate to your wanting to be there for your children but craving the calm. That's how I felt when I had pnd after ds2. I loved my children desperately but I just wanted everything else to stop. My pnd did get better, with lots of help, and you too will recover. Take care, Sue. xx

You have nothing to be sorry for hun, and I'm so glad you are okay right now.

We are all here to help you, one poster might have said something bad but the rest of us have rallied together for you which we all hope can help.

We are all thinking of you, and we wouldn't be if we thought it was attention seeking.

Thinking of you hun. xx

You have nothing to be sorry for essbee and I'm really glad that you are ok.
I know we haven't really talked but I have thought about you a lot in the last 2 days.
{{{{big hugs}}}} for you and ds and dd. xx

Hi essbee,

Don't let yourself think about attention seeking - you weren't. I've suffered from depression too and I know how miserable it made me and I wasn't as ill with it as you have been. Depression is hideous, horrible, painful, isolating and self-confidence bashing. It stops you from being able to function and cope with the everyday things. When you feel like this it's only right that people should rally round and offer support which I think is what everyone here is wanting to do. Don't analyse it at all - just accept it and concentrate on getting better.
We're all thinking about you - I didn't know who it was until today but I'm just so glad you posted here so that people knew your situation. I don't live near you otherwise I'd gladly ofer practical help but I know that you do have very good friends sround you which is the important thing.
Your children love and adore you and that's unconditional. Don't worry too much about what they are experiencing - children are very adaptable and have more inner strength than we often give them credit for. The important thing to them is that you are around - trust me on this as I had a crap childhood with a Mum who was left high and dry with four children. Throughout everything she went through (and life was crap for her at times) she was always the one around and we still have a very close relationship today. In short - I don't look back and think - "my Mum was depressed and it was awful" but "what a wonderful job my Mum did despite everything". Trust me - your children will feel the same.
Print all these supportive messages off when you get the chance. They might help when you feel low.
Take care honey and I really hope you feel better before too long.
Sending you a cyber ((((((((hug)))))))))))

Mandy

Essbee, so good to hear from you. DP and I were so worried for you (he constantly asks when we're going to invite you over ... you seem to have a fan, but hands off, I saw him first!)

I am around the whole time, but as that's because I'm off work with depression, I don't know whether I can be a good friend to you at the moment. But I am very good at sitting and crying, if you ever need anyone to do that with!

Nothing to apologise for, Essbee, we're just so glad you're back! Please please please take the collection: everyone here wants to help you and this is one way we can do it. You've got great friends here and in RL . Look after yourself and take the help and support of people who love you - there are lots of them. xx

Essbee - you have nothing to be sorry for. If other people think badly of you then that's their problem, it doesn't make them right. People have collected for you because THEY wanted to, and it was totally up to them, you didn't ask or expect so it's no 'fault' of yours. You did what you felt you had to because you were desperate and no-one should judge you for it. Many of us have felt in the same position at sometime or another and if we haven't we should at least be human enough to empathise. 'There but for the grace of god go I' and all that.

You concentrate totally on yourself and leave everyone else to do whatever they feel is best.

Hope you feel better soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Essbee, I hope you continue to get stronger. Please keep posting. You'll know when you've the strength to read these threads how much people care about you. I'm so sorry you were hurt by the comments from that ONE poster on the other thread which you had the misfortune to see as soon as you logged back on. She is depressed and has issues herself.

I hope she can come back to MN for support if she needs it. When you're feeling bad, it can be hard to find compassion for others. Depression is not nice and has many very unattractive manifestations. I'm sorry you and Titiania got caught up in it like that and I hope you can both see those comments for what they were and not be hurt by them.

Lots of ((hugs)) x

Essbee I agree with FF that you are in charge of your own destiny and looking out for yourself first is the most important thing. Only then can you help others. Isn´t there a saying... to help others you must first help yourself. The oxygen mask analogy was perfect.

Take care xx

Well Essbee I think you're fabulous and you Will get through this

I can't for a second imagine how I would get through what you've been through

I really don't feel you need to apologise for anything. I do think you need to take whatever help is offered you to get through this time, and that includes the mumsnet collection (which is a visible sign of just how much you are appreciated round here)

thinking of you

essbee - you have nothing to apologise for. The people who need to apologise are those who brought you so low that you felt this desperate. Please do take all the help you are offered - think of it as payment for all the crap you've had to deal with.

Essbee - I am sitting here crying with relief that you are ok. I hadn't worked out that vlost was you, but I care about all mumsnetters and I was so sad that you had got into such a position.

Please, please, use us for as much support as you need, you will see from the responses you are getting that we all want to help you. After all, we know you would do the same for us!

Big hugs to you. You will make it.