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Original poster

mums an alcoholic.dont know what to do!!she attacked me today!!

37 replies

clairebear2502 · 16/02/2005 17:47

hi my mum and dad split up about eight years ago and she is an alcoholic.(this was part of the cause of the split) howver since then i have tried to help her on numerous occasions yet she wont admit she has a problem. when my dad left the family home he took my brother so every night i was at home with a drunk mother who used to verbally and physically abuse me. i had to try and stop her from going out driving after she had a drink coz she didnt have a clue. also she has tried to commit suicide loads of times.even though she has been so horrible to me i always feel that because she is my mum that i need to be there for her even though the amount of pain she has put me through.
this morning she phoned me at work and was crying her eyes out.i thought something had happened to my grandparent as he is very ill but she just said she was depressed etc. i decided to get her a doc appointment.left work at eleven rushed to pick her up and get her to docs to finally sort this problem.she came out of there saying she had to go back in 2 weeks and takle it from there. we got back in car and she started insulting my dad and his girlfriend.i asked her to stop and keep her opinions to herself and she started hitting me while i was driving.i pulled over and told her to get out and i got a load of abuse and was told you f in picked me up you can f in take me home.i carried on driving and she started hitting me, punching me and scratching me.i pulled over and got out of my car and had to drag her out of my car where she carried on swearing and then decided to bash my car windows.i phoned my dad up as by this time i ws a crying wreck.he told me to go to his girlfriends who lived in the road i was in.i went and spoke to her and she calmed me down but said i might find it easier talking to someone who has been in my situtaion.i was already a member on here and know how helpful people have been in past. does anyone know what i can do as i havent got the energy to keep giving as she wont help herself but just keeps hurting me.

OP posts:
sobernow · 18/02/2005 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
clairebear2502 · 17/02/2005 16:53

thanks!! i know other people are in my situation but its difficult talking to friends who dont really understand what she s like.i know they mean well but its not the same! thanks you may well hear from me
x x

OP posts:
busyalexsmummy · 17/02/2005 16:22

Hi, ive been in a very similar situation, although my mum is also borderline personality, if you need to chat please feel free
alexsmummy(at)aol(dot)com

Original poster
clairebear2502 · 17/02/2005 08:49

hi nightowl. she sort of tells the truth but the doc told me that he has offered her help but she refuses.even when shes sober she never admits she has a problem. its got to the stage now where she just stinks of alcohol the whole time.think its just coming out of her pores.
to make matters worse i phoned my grandparents because i needed to tell them what had happened so that they would know i have tried to help.
but low and behold my mum had already spoken to me grandpa and only told him i had told her to f off and chucked her out of my car. She failed to mention she attacked me and that the reason i chucked her out was because i didnt want to have an accident.my gran said we both need to leae it a few days and try and talk.WHY SHOULD I? i keep trying and just get hurt in the process.
it just makes me look bad which is frustrating as i tried to help her. dont know what else to do.yesterday bought back lots of memories of the past which i thought i had managed to get over.

OP posts:
nightowl · 16/02/2005 23:34

claire, knowing how keen doctors always seem to be to hand out anti d's (and thats not necessarily always a bad thing) i find it a bit strange that they told her to just come back in two weeks? dont take this the wrong way but are you absolutely sure your mum was telling the truth? because doctors tell you not to drink if you take anti d's. i know someone who will not take them, or the painkillers she needs for back problems because she wants to drink. sadly enough, i agree that unless she admits openly that she has a problem there is little you can do...trying to talk to her wont make a difference..even if she's sober. she may well realise she has a problem but unless she is really determined to tackle it, you are fighting a losing battle. if she wants to get help then fair enough, (actually no, its not fair but i guess i would put up with it if i knew she was getting help) my friend felt she had to put up with this constant abuse as her mum regularly threatened suicide if she refused to help her. she was stuck either way. no answers im afraid sorry you have to go through this x

Original poster
clairebear2502 · 16/02/2005 18:17

thanks,everytime she hurts me though i vow never to let her do it again but i always end up feeling guilty. also my grandparent isnt well and is not gonna get better and it was him who asked me to give her one last go.im not sure how long he has and i dont want to feel like ive let him down.
i want to go back to having my mum who was always happy and friendly but now she looks like a frail old lady who if she carries on the way she is will prob be dead by the end of the year.
not sure what else i can do as she wont help herself .just feel so tired!!!

OP posts:
biglips · 16/02/2005 18:17

clair - i hope youre ok as i was but i cant help you on for this one - hope you will be ok and so your mum xxxx

gothicmama · 16/02/2005 18:12

i hope al-anon can help I have found them supportive - xh was alcoholic - unless your mum really wants to and finds the help for herself then you continue to set yourself up to be hurt . If you are not feeling strong tehn not being there for her may make her realise she needs to get her act together- tough love approach - will try and get back on later and add but tea is ready

Original poster
clairebear2502 · 16/02/2005 18:07

thanks just been on to the site you included but cant really see anything about meetings or chatting to anyone,there is a number though so i will phone them first thing in the morning and find out how i go about getting help. your advice is really appreciated .thank you

OP posts:
beansprout · 16/02/2005 18:04

Best of luck to you. Sorry if I didn't respond more fully to your post. Unfortunately, there is not a lot you can do to help her unless she wants to be helped. It is more a case of managing how you feel about the situation and knowing that you are not responsible for her. I really hope you get the support you deserve from Al-Anon.

Original poster
clairebear2502 · 16/02/2005 18:02

thanks i'll def look into this as i really dont know wht to do anymore and it is making me ill in the process.thanks beansprout!!

OP posts:
beansprout · 16/02/2005 17:51

So sorry to hear all of this. I would strongly suggest that you contact al-anon . It is an organisation, similar to AA, that has meetings and support for people in your situation. The people you will meet there are those in similar situations to yourself who will understand how you feel and who will offer you the support you need. Hope this helps.