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Original poster

Could do with a hug

87 replies

Lonelymum · 12/02/2005 19:40

Dh is leaving tomorrow to start new job. Won't see him all week (and it is half term so I will have 4 kids to myself all week). So what has he spent all day doing? Sulking because I spent the morning helping out with PTA jumble sale and all afternoon until now he has watched rugby and football on the TV. I feel so sad and anxious, but he isn't caring. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man really and I am not attacking him, but he is giving me the TLC I need right now.

OP posts:
misdee · 15/02/2005 16:37

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

Original poster
Lonelymum · 15/02/2005 16:32

Feeling really crumby today. Only two days in and I just feel I can't go on. Keep feeling panicky and tearful all the time. I don't know what I am talking about really but this feels like I would imagine cold turkey feels like.

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Aimsmum · 14/02/2005 19:08

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lonelymum · 14/02/2005 19:04

Day started OK but gradually kids have been grinding me down. Now really p**d off with them and looking forward to bed time.

DH phoned to say the rented house should be ours by the w/e!! Because it is half-term and the kids haven't said their goodbyes at school, I don't feel able to move them on Sat. but dh suggested moving some things to the rented house and then if I can bear half a week alone next week, the kids could say their goodbyes and we could then move mid week. We will still have to come down here at the w/es to check the house is OK and so on, but my time alone without dh should be over by next mid week.

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Aimsmum · 14/02/2005 18:56

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Lonelymum · 14/02/2005 12:33

Alexsmum - apart from the number of years since we got engaged being different, your post could have been written by me! Such similar details and feelings! I say that line too, about not marrying him to not be with him all the time. I am so envious of couples who say they have never spent a night apart.......

LGJ - dh isn't up to all he should be (Mners in the past have expressed horror that he doesn't do any housework/domestic duties at all) but he alwasy remembers V Day. He left a card and a heart shaped box of chocs with ds1 to give to me! We did talk before he left: he just said he had to do it to support the family which of course I know. Just so long as he doesn't expect me to stay here any longer than it takes to arrange the letting of a house and a removal van!

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LapsedGymJunkie · 14/02/2005 12:26

So did you resolve anything before he went ?, and I now suspect that now you have said Valentines Day is extra special, that it was playing on your mind as well and possibly his. Though he is a bloke so won't offer you false hope on that score

But rest assured he will be missing you all.

Re, the remote the little wotsits have to go to bed at some stage.

alexsmum · 14/02/2005 12:24

oh lonelymum, we have talked before haven't we..our lives seem quite similar !! My dh has gone off to work this morning and i won't see him again now till friday.we too got engaged on valentines day, 9 years ago so it s kind of special. i have just recieved big bunch of flowers from interflora from him and it s made me feel reall sad..i miss him so much. i know he sometimes think i just miss the practical help ( and lets face it i do!) but i really miss him too! i married him because i wanted to be with him all the time , not once a week! just wanted to say i know how you feel.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 14/02/2005 12:18

You are kidding aren't you LGJ? At present, ds3 (2 on Sat) is completely obsessed with videos and DVDs and all hell breaks out when one of the other children wants to watch something different. I come fifth in the queue for the remote at the moment!

Anyway, thanks for thinking of me and posting, also Berolina and Gorgeousgirl. Having survived one night and facing four more (and counting!) I am beginning to wonder why I make a fuss about one night away or even, as you say Gorgeousgirl, a few hours away during the day. But, I know why I do and I don't think this enforced longer period is going to help much.

It is particularly naff being alone today as it is Valentines Day. We got engaged on V Day 11 years ago and have been together on this day ever since. All the talk on Radio 4 seems to be the fact that it is V Day....

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LapsedGymJunkie · 14/02/2005 11:12

LonelyMum

Go and look at the remote..it's all yours

goreousgirl · 13/02/2005 21:54

Lonelymum - you're brilliant - 4 kids by yourself for 5 days - blimey - I kick up a fuss with 2 kids when my dh goes to Starbucks for an hour - no wonder you need a hug - good luck and well done you!!

berolina · 13/02/2005 21:45

Hello Lonelymum, how are you feeling?
Hope things are as OK as they can be.

LapsedGymJunkie · 13/02/2005 19:24

Well no, we settled into a pattern of mutual respect.............did we hell.....first one to the remote is KING

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2005 17:16

And do you still resent having to share the remote control?!

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LapsedGymJunkie · 13/02/2005 17:03

I don't know how you put up with that life for 10 years LGJ. I hope you have something better going now.

You do actually get used to it. It got to the point where I was glad to see him when he got home, but I resented having to share the remote control explain that one to me.

In the year 2000 we moved to Surrey for a different job, at that stage we had been married for 8 years, we went around telling all the new neighbours, oh yes we have been married for 8 years but we have only just moved in together....got some very strange looks.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2005 16:33

Thank you for replying Cadbury. I did seek help for my phobia and, despite being made to feel so silly by my GP, I was told I would be referred to a counsellor. But that was 3 months ago and I have heard nothing. Now about to move, so the whole situation goes back to square one. B**r it.

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Cadbury · 13/02/2005 16:30

Hi. I've been followig this thread and I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you. I understand totally how you must feel. Hang in there. This week will almst certainly not be as bad as you fear. I have always found the fear worse than the reality. It is a horrid situation to be in but you will cope because you are stronger than you tell yourself you are. Don't forget, there will be mumsnetters around to talk to whenever you are feeling crap, and for when you are feeling good. When my dh has been away, I've tried to choose a little treat for myself to celebrate getting through each day - just something silly that makes me feel better .

I remember you mentioning your phobia. Do you think you should seek some help for that? Someone in the know might be able to help you with strategies for dealing with it.

Hang on in there.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2005 16:21

Feeling at my worst now as he hasn't gone yet but is about to. I feel I am going to cry myself dry. I know it must get better (no-one could carry on living with this terrible misery and fear) but I am not sure how long it will take me to feel a bit better. I know one thing though: I will not stay here a minute longer than I have to so tomorrow morning I will be onto the letting agency to see what is happening about the house we are supposed to be letting. Have to give myself something to work towards.

Yes Aimsmum, the schools are off this week. At least I don't have to get up early, but then, I don't get any time without all 4 children either (or any chance to chat to anyone in the playground.)

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dramaqueen72 · 13/02/2005 15:29

lonelymum, i hope alls going better now? i'm so sorry you feel so sad and worried about being alone, i used to be married to a forces man and believe me its always awful when they are leaving/just left. but it gets easier i promise, before you know it it will be thursday and you'll be busy tidying up and grinning cause he's nearly home. i hope you managed to speak well before he left, if not a quick cheery 'will miss you , sorry i was so off with you but good luck' kinda phone call/text may help. just know you cant live the whole week on an off note bet he was nervous too, and it just never comes out right when both of you are anticipating something like that.
hang in there (((hug)))

Aimsmum · 13/02/2005 15:05

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2005 14:55

Meant to say also, Aimsmum, you must be incredibly dedicated to do all three things at once. If I waste a day on Mumsnet, it is only my housework that suffers (and the children if they are home).

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2005 14:53

Yes, leaving tonight. He is already packed. I had thought of asking him to stay tonight and leave early tomorrow morning, but I know that would not be good for him (he is starting a new job tomorrow and could do with being fresh in the morning).

Thanks for saying you will be around this week. It seems very quiet here on Mumsnet since Friday - I suppose other people are off enjoying themselves on holiday.

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Aimsmum · 13/02/2005 14:51

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 13/02/2005 14:42

I didn't mean to make anyone feel they had said the wrong thing when I said I cried. Maybe it was because you said the right thing!

Dh is still not talking to me, in the real sense of the word anyway. I suppose he just does not know what to say and he knows that there are no words he can say that will be right for me. I just don't want to be left with the children and that is all there is to it.

I don't know how you put up with that life for 10 years LGJ. I hope you have something better going now.

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LapsedGymJunkie · 13/02/2005 14:24

Hey sweetheart, I didn't mean to make you cry.

But my DH worked in London and we lived in North Yorkshire. He used to leave home on a Monday(at silly O clock) and come back on a Thursday or Friday evening every week for nigh on ten years. We used to argue on Sunday, either he would engineer it, or I would.

Then we worked out it was the fact that we were dreading the seperation and that is what sparked us off. From there on in we made a point of saying, this is how I feel, I have XYZ on this week and you are not here. Or he would say I have XYZ corporate entertaining to do, and I have to do it on my own. (In the good old days of corporate entertaining) .

What I am trying to say is, we found the middle ground, after a lot of talking.

Hope you are feeling better.