I could write an essay on this but I’ll try to keep it brief.
My husband’s attitude towards food is making meal planning and writing a shopping list impossible. It is also making me anxious because it falls on me to then try and figure it out.
This has been an issue for about 3 or 4 years but I feel it’s getting worse.
He says he wants to eat healthy, balanced meals. I don’t disagree with this, but he can’t actually tell me what that is. He is self diagnosed with aphantasia, which in my basic understanding means he can’t visualise things. Maybe this is a barrier to him being able to suggest meals, I don’t know. He has also said that he has no interest in food and hasn’t done for a while which is also a factor.
We cook a lot, very rarely have takeaways or ready meals. I’ll try to summarise his main comments/opinions
- spay Bol is not a meal (and most pasta dishes), and adding a salad or vegetables to the side doesn’t make it any better because they are not part of the main food
- I make a garlic and paprika chicken (Jon Watts recipe) but he says it’s just chicken and a sauce and boiled vegetables. I said we can roast vegetables but he said that doesn’t make it any better
- Doing homemade chicken wraps/burgers with homemade fries and corn on the cob is no different to going to KFC. Just saying it’s homemade doesn’t make it any better
- I suggested making a hunters chicken, but he didn’t see the point cos you can just go to the local Wetherspoons and have that
It’s almost like his whole mood relies on what food he’s eating. He has said in the past that having things like homemade burgers is fine but it depends what else he’s eaten in the week as to whether it’s ok.
Many people have told me that he needs to do his own cooking and yes, I agree with this. But it’s much easier said than done. He has made a comment in the past about if he did that he’d probably just have frozen pizza. Which then makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should be helping him.
Meal planning is very stressful and leads to me getting defensive (especially when he reduces a meal to just chicken and a sauce) and frustrated with him and he then disengages even more. It also feels like it’s having a physical impact on me and I just feel a pit in my stomach when anyone asks what is for dinner, or for example like today - we have no meal planned, but I know it’s going to be up to me to figure it out and I don’t know what to do.
He acknowledges that he can’t come up with ideas but hasn’t done anything to address this. We go round the cycle of me coming up with the ideas and him seemingly chasing this ‘unicorn meal’ that is going to make him feel well fed and wonderful, but he doesn’t know what this is.
Everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes, I’m not saying he needs to eat everything. But his ‘rules’ and ideas about food are becoming very restrictive. If he has a meal that hasn’t been satisfying he will dwell on it and it has in the past sent him into a spiral. If I eat something I haven’t enjoyed, I move on and don’t give it a second thought so I find it hard to understand his mindset.
I am looking for any suggestions as to where he can get help because I feel he has an issue with food. I’ve mentioned going to the GP but he’s very down on that saying it’s just a 5 min appt that won’t do anything. And the bottom line in his mind is what’s so difficult to understand about wanting to eat healthy, balanced meals. I genuinely don’t think he agrees that his meal ‘requirements’ are anything contentious.
I will also add that he was diagnosed with depression this year (probably had it for longer, but dismissed it) and is currently on anti-depressants but these food issues predate this. I am also a people pleaser which I know isn’t helping the situation, but I feel it’s a balancing act because if he’s in a mood because of food, then it’s something that impacts the whole family (2 children, 11 &13) and the children definitely pick up on his declining mood.
I feel quite alone in this and don’t see how things can change.