I didn't want to put this on the Mental Health board as I assume most people on there are in my position and needing help, I wanted to ask this as an all round question to not only people in full mental health crisis right now but also those who may have found themselves on the other side and feeling well again.
I think that I need to try anti-depressants but every time I try I am wracked with fear to the point that I just can't do it. I know I need to grow up but I am genuinely paralyzed with fear.
As I type this I appreciate that it must seem ridiculous to many people and I am fully aware that it is more than likely my poor mental health talking me out of it all but I just can't do it.
It's not about the stigma of mental health medication, I honestly couldn't give a toss about that, nor is it the fear of being 'hooked' on these meds because tbh, if they were to change my life for the better I would be more than content to be on them for life.
It's how I feel now and the fear of being made to feel worse by the drugs. Anti-depressants appear to have such a reputation for awful side effects and sufferers having to push through feeling much worse before they feel better and this could be weeks to months. I just don't think I could cope feeling any worse than I already do. I have daily gut issues which completely control my life (and yes, I have tried everything else, literally everything to ease these issues), my anxious state of mind is high 24/7, I have visceral hypersensitivity so feel everything stronger than I probably should do (every ache, pain, weird sensation in my body), my health anxiety is dreadful and the worst it has ever been, not helped by the fact I am 53 and in perimenopause/menopause and have a heap of added issues including endometriosis and adenomyosis (HRT made this worse) and helping to care for an elderly parent with advanced dementia - I am exhausted and mentally spent. I am also waiting for surgery for the gynae issues and due to my heightened state of anxiety, I just don't think I can go through with it right now.
I am a hot mess, as they say. I acknowledge this and know full well that I need to make changes and have tried really hard by living as healthy a lifestyle as I can but it's doing sod all for my mental health (and physical it seems). No amount of living well, meditating, counselling and/or cbt is cutting it.
Yet I sit here staring at the bottle of fluoxetine my GP prescribed 2 months ago knowing full well it will more than likely end up in the cupboard with the out of date tablet form of Fluoxetine, the box of Citalopram from 2022, and the Amitriptyline and Sertraline because I am so terrified of any side effects especially a worsening of my gut issues which have taken over my life and made me fearful of going out in case I might suddenly need the loo etc. All the side effects list everywhere for AD state diarrhoea and nausea as the most reported side effect and I just can not risk a worsening of that (and Imodium makes my stomach issues worse before anyone suggests taking it at the same time).
I asked for the liquid form of Fluoxetine because I thought, maybe, I could go in at a really low dose and build up but even that has me in a panicky meltdown whenever I have tried to take it.
I am so fucking angry with myself......so angry.
Please tell me about your experiences with antidepressants, did they help you get a life back on track? Did they not help? Did they make you feel worse than before? Just how can I get over this overwhelming fear of the side effects? I know we are all different and each experience with antidepressants is unique but I don't know what else to do.