Can I ask about your experiences with antidepressants?

I’ve been in quite a few over years and some haven’t been too bad to come off. Venlefaxine is one of the bad ones but I think it’s often related to half life so if it’s a long half life tablet then theoretically it’s a bit less rough in terms of side effects x

Honestly, this doesn’t sound ridiculous at all—it sounds like you’ve been through so much that even the chance of feeling worse feels unbearable. A lot of people are terrified before starting, and going really low and slow can make it gentler than you’re imagining. Maybe don’t force it all at once, just take it one tiny step at a time, at your pace.

Oh I’m 4 sessions in to CBT on the phone… most of which I do anyway. Think mine is childhood trauma based

My experience is that once you start, you can't stop.

Been on them 18 years. Tried to stop but the withdrawals are horrendous.

I took my first sertraline last night after looking at them for 6 months … I weaned myself off Citalopram when I retired into lockdown and was so pleased BUT, since Christmas I have been so so low, panic attacks ( got Propanol for those) and absolutely no joy in anything. I have lots to be joyful about but also ongoing stress as a carer.
I told myself that if I felt no better by BHM then I’d go back on them, albeit different ones.
I read so much on here about “ side affects, life changing, give them a chance” and was feeling so unhappy that I though I’d go for it and wean myself off again if need be.
I took bedtime last night, as recommended on here to avoid some of the side effects. Felt a bit groggy when I woke and a bit queasy but that all wore off. I’m going to persevere, I’ve got 50mcg so might go alternate days this week and increase next. I’ll try to update further down the line 🤞🏻🫶🏻

I felt exactly like this before starting antidepressants, I was convinced they’d make everything worse and kept putting it off. In the end I started on a very low dose and built up slowly, and for me the side effects were much milder than I’d feared and settled after a short while. It wasn’t an instant fix, but it did take the edge off enough for me to feel more like myself again. It might be worth speaking to your GP about a really gradual plan so you feel a bit more in control of it.

Hi I have been on a variety of things over the years (for context I have a diagnosis of bipolar type 2) I am currently not in a good place but I just wanted to offer an opinion based on experience
the main one is that it’s hard to predict how you react to antidepressants as what could be the best thing ever for one person may have intolerable side effects for another so it’s always a case of ‘suck it and see’ really. That said, there are definitely ones with less reported side effects so that are classed as being generally better tolerated.
i was thinking of mirtazipine when you mentioned anxiety and bad tummy - that one was great for me when I had insomnia, anxiety and poor appetite/churning stomach. It’s kind of renowned for weight gain which puts a lot of people off but it really got me out of a hole. I think fluoxetine is quite ‘activating’ so probably would be something that would flip me personally into not sleeping etc but if you’re in a general funk it might be great for you x

It's interesting that you have insight to question your hesitance. I wonder if that might actually be a symptom of depression - that it is extremely difficult to start or do anything new when you are depressed. Maybe it's not "you" being hesitant, but your depression imposing an extra barrier.

On my last anti psychotic I certainly wanted sex and had just started dating my boyfriend when I was on them.

Not to put you off but I have had negative experiences with every antidepressant I have tried including Fluoxetine. When I started trialling them I remember reading how much they helped everyone, which then made me feel that something was wrong with me as I experienced it so differently. All SSRIs/SNRIs/MAOIs gave me 'serotonin apathy syndrome'. Basically the increase of serotonin shut down all my dopamine production. I had zero cognitive abilities, complete numbing of emotions and zero motivation. Basically turned me into a zombie, unable to work, drive or look after myself. Gave them months in some cases and that was at half of a child's dose 🥲.

Sertraline and anti anxiety meds (propanalol) plus cbt and emdr has helped me come back from my lowest.

I did have some grim side effects for the first 2 weeks of sertraline - nausea, restless legs at night, insomnia, headaches- but I took it easy and they disappeared, I’m v glad i persevered 😊

I also have never experienced the flatness or numbing some people report. Quite the reverse, they enable me to experience normal emotions. I was “flat” and numb from happiness and pleasure when depressed.

Agree with pp that plenty of posters on the Mental Health board are not in crisis mode and it can be very supportive.

I’ve been on sertraline for years, varying doses as needed, currently on my lowest dose. Absolutely life saving for me, and they enable me to get on with and enjoy my life. No side effects except tendency to put on weight at high doses. No sexual disfunction.

Reading your OP, you seem to have got into the mindset that it’s an irreversible step to start taking ADs. It might help you to reframe that you can just try them and see. You can stop anytime. But do remember it takes a few weeks to start to feel the effects.

I couldn’t cope with sexual dysfunction that comes with them

I tried to ignore the side effects. One anti psychotic made me sleep loads in mornings so it was a relief to come off those but I knew they were healing me if you get my drift. MH board is good to go on btw. Very helpful.

To be honest you may not need to be on them forever and therapy (talking) helps a lot too ime.

They helped me a lot - I was on them for an acute period of anxiety, and I spent about 7m on then 6m tapering off.

I do have to say that the withdrawal from the last dose to zero was fucking awful. But I was able to cope, and I haven't had to return to them.

Same.

I’m on fluoxetine atm and it’s helped. Coming off it soon. AD’s do help. Menopause depression and anxiety is next level so I’d take all the help you can tbh.

Life saving and life changing for me. They have a slow long term effect, it did take a few weeks of side effects to adjust but it was worth persevering. In the first few weeks they worsened my insomnia but I just got sleeping tablets from my GP which counterbalanced that. I didn't need them after a few months once the antidepressants began to take effect and I slept normally. I took them for about 5 years and I wouldn't hesitate to go back to them if I needed to.

In my 20s I tried two and they didn't suit me. One made me feel worse with anxiety, the other seemed to make any food I ate go straight through and I had to stop. In my 30s I had severe depression and stress after a series of stressful events - plus the fact I have always suffered from depression and anxiety. I tried fluoxetine as I needed to feel better and after getting to crisis point was up to a very high dose. The side effects were unpleasant for the first few weeks and every time I upped the dose but they mostly subsided. I remained sweaty and with those weird electric shock feelings while I was on them. And I could not orgasm. But they worked, I started to feel better. The depression lifted, I was less anxious and after a few years I slowly came off them and have remained depression free and the anxiety I have had all my life has not returned as badly, I can deal with it better now as well as I know what it feels like without it. I was nervous about stopping them but wanted to stop the very flat feeling they give you. For a long time on them that flatness was so much better than the awful depression and suicidal ideation though.

The side effects and withdrawal can be challenging but it was absolutely worth it.

Firstly, not everyone on the mh board is in full crisis mode, far from it. I actually think you would get better advice on there.
The danger of posting this outside of the mh board is that you may get a lot more posters coming on to tell you you don’t need ADs. If you’ve been prescribed them, chances are you should take them.
Secondly, what you’ve described is extremely common in people with depression/ anxiety. It is so common to be at least a bit resistant to treatment, it’s practically the norm. It can actually be a feature of the illness itself. The only way to get through it is to force yourself to swallow the first pill, then the next…eventually you feel better and stop being afraid. It is so common for patients to go back to their doctor and say they were too afraid to start the meds, the doctors don’t blink an eye. They are used to it.
I can’t function without ADs personally. I’ve been on them for most of my adult life. I’ve tried to cope without them and I can’t. I can for a while, then think start to go south and the momentum picks up and pretty soon I’m back in the hole.
Its also very common for patients to find it hard to tolerate the side effects or to think I’m fine now, I don’t need these anymore after a while. So you stop taking them or want to be taken off or reduced. I spent about ten years denying that I was better than I had been and wanting to come off and eventually weaned myself off about six different meds without supervision. I then had a massive relapse and was so ill that I refused to go back on the meds. It’s a thing.
I had to get to absolute rock bottom before I very reluctantly took the first pill. Within a few weeks I realised how stupid I’d been. My brain cleared like the clouds just suddenly parted. A lot of this was down to the regular sleep the meds allowed me to get tbf. And the previous eight or nine years off meds seemed like a blur. I couldn’t identify with some of the thoughts I’d been having. I was mortified, horrified, disturbed and embarrassed when I remembered some of them but at the time I thought I was finally thinking clearly or when I knew it wasn’t right, I thought there’s nothing to be done so keep dragging myself on.
I have spent the last 25 years since I was diagnosed with depression as a teen battling the illness, battling the doctors, battling the meds…
This is just based on my own experience but my advice: Do whatever the hell the doctor tells you, relinquish whatever sense of trying to stay in control keeps you from accepting treatment. Treat it like a physical illness. If you had an infection, would you be like this about taking antibiotics?
And yes, pharmaceutical companies are evil, and ADs don’t cure anything etc etc, but they help. Most of the time. You’ve nothing to lose. Take this from a lifelong depressive who has fought this battle many, many times, many times.

I simply got to the point where something had to change. It was no sort of life. So one foot in front of the other, don't think about it too much, just take them. I tried not to sit and analyse side effects. People can obsess over a headache, nausea or change of mood but the list of potential side effects is so similar to the symptoms of anxiety/depression it's pretty difficult to unpick whether it is side effects of symptoms of the illness. As long as you feel safe (if you do not, talk to someone urgently especially on the first few weeks) then just keep on keeping on.

I distinctly remember the first time I felt joy again - just joy at doing something simple with my daughter. I hadn't even realised it had been missing until it came back. Life is better now, and I am a better parent for it.

History of chronic depression in our family, including many suicides.
I’ve been on them since I was a teenager, low dose. Attempts to have come off them have seen me back on them within 6 months, even when life is absolutely fine.
I just appear to have a faulty chemical balance, as does my mother and as did my nan.