PART 2: I would rather die then leave, but I can't cope staying

Do you know what the freedom program is?
its to help you in the future not to get out of this situation now. You need to sort that out ASAP.
Did you tell the Dr's in A&E what had happened?

try. I can’t sit up without feeling sick but once the feeling passes I will be asking SS for support.

you don’t need to sit up to call SS. Just call them.

Op there’s a lady called Claire Auden on instagram that gives good explanations about narcissistic abuse. Her videos might make you start to see what’s going on. You need women’s aid to do a risk assessment and to refer you to MARAC. Ask for this to be done specifically. Look up MARAC to find out more about it. Once you’re out you need to go to the police and HMRC re the businesses in your name so you can be removed from them at companies house. This is serious fraud he’s committing. Is he saying you get wages? How much does he say you earn? He belongs in jail OP, you need to report all of this and get a non harassment order. He may have adhd but he’s also just plain evil 🫂 There’s a better life for you x

Well done Forever! You’ve reached out & taken a step forward!
I hope you feel better tomorrow & are able to go to the cinema with your friends!
One step at a time!

I was on your previous thread (under a different username). I've thought about you since then and wondered how you were doing. Would it help for you to go back and reread your posts on that thread? You sounded so determined to create a new life for yourself and your children. Can you remember how that felt and the positive experiences you had while you were away from this horrible man?

I know it's not easy to leave. I have a dear family member who stayed with a horrifically abusive partner for far too long. But she got away in the end. And if she were on MN, she would definitely tell you that if she had her life to live over, she would have left at the first sign of abuse.

I'm glad you've told some friends the truth and that you plan to contact SS. Please continue to disclose the truth to friends and to representatives of helpful organisations. Please don't give up.

There’s a very strong chance he will kill you or seriously maim you and hurt the children.

You left him before so you know it's possible to try again this time. You can get through this.
Can you call 999 without him knowing and get police to come to the house? Either they'll make him leave or get you and the children somewhere safe. Tell them you don't feel safe around him.
Don't worry about tomorrow, just get yourself and children safe for tonight.

You can show your posts to whoever you need to show how truly awful and dangerous he is. You are worth so much more than how he treats you.

This is the worst thing I’ve read on Mumsnet in a long time. It’s heartbreaking.
Op - I hope you find the strength to leave this awful man again.
Please rely on your support network for help. You said something upthread about baking for the mosque. Are you Muslim? Apologies if you have said you are or not before. Can you confide in the elders and ask for their help?
You need to get your children away before they are damaged.
God speed. Xx

The OP was told all this about protecting and improving the lives of her children in the last thread. Almost 2 years ago.

Your children will know, you might tell yourself that they don't but they will. I've read this thread and your posts on the last one and if social services get wind of this (and please God they do) they will be taken away from you, because this is an abusive and unsafe environment for them and you are choosing to be embroiled in it. You are, you left, you could leave again.

I will also say that however much you 'love' him, he really doesn't love you. His behaviour proves that.

If this sounds harsh, I mean it as a wake up, as others have been trying, because your life, awful as it is, could get very much worse.

You need to protect your children.
PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.

You find someone who tells you what I’m telling you right now and you question it from every angle. I’m telling you: he is wrong. The thing is, no, that won’t necessarily stop the doubt. What you have to do at that point is ask yourself: is this ONE fact true? Yes, in every single way. He is physically, emotionally, and possibly financially?, abusing you. It is very common to not get benefits at the beginning with a complex situation; thinking you need them is giving yourself another reason not to leave. You need a place of safety and peace to even get to the point that you can start fighting for your rights. If there’s clear sources of money involved, you may be able to find a lawyer that will accept partial payment and the rest of the payment when the settlement is “settled.” His narrative is that you deserve all this, but guess what? Absolutely no one on Earth would agree with his narrative. Telling people, like my doctors, about the situation was actually really helpful. I wasn’t even able to call it abuse until they did, and it was very obvious abuse.

I know these worries seem big, because you don’t know how you’d live day to day, but even if you have nothing, even if you need help from food banks for a while (and it sounds like you won’t - you have family), it would still be like paradise compared to how you’re living right now. Your priorities need to be: your children and your medical care. Literally everything else can wait. If you report him to the police, I don’t think he’ll be allowed back in your house, so that’s also an option. Women’s Aid would be able to give you exact information. But if he has strangled you once, then he will eventually end up killing you; the statistics show this. Please don’t wait and become a story we see on the news. Call 111 or 999. You deserve happiness and safety.

Exactly this. I feel for the OP. I know how much abuse can mess with your mindset and logical thoughts. But I feel for the kids more. They didn’t ask for this. They need someone to advocate for them. My heart breaks for them growing up in this shit show.

Please reach out to your mum and siblings, you need their support and so do your children. X

Oh boo hoo. He's a nasty bit of work who abused women and children, nobody cares about 'his adhd'.

OP, we know you are severely distressed and ill (being beaten about the head does that to the best of us) , but it's pure selfishness at this point not to at least hand your kids to social services for their basic safety. You're coherent enough to post articulately on here, so I only assume you are compos mentis enough to understand that. I know you don't have the ability to process help but your kids very much do. Get them out of there now.

Where is your mum, and your brother and sister who helped you last time? There is not shame in asking for their help again. Or sending your kids to be with them, at least.

If you can’t leave then please get some help for your dc. It’s so unfair that they are having to grow up in this. It will have a profound effect on them. I still remember abusive arguments my parents had when I was very young, and they were nothing compared to what you’ve described.

You need to speak to someone be it police, social services whatever and prioritise your dc safety.

What are you hoping for by making this thread,.OP?

You're waiting for a call back from 999? What did you say when you spoke to them earlier? Please call again and emphasise the urgency of your situation. The police should attend as well as medical professionals.

Exactly

999 don't call you back, they send an ambulance if you need one

So were you on that call whilst you started this thread at 11am or did you finish the call and then start the thread 15 mins later?

How old are you children?