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Original poster

Think I'm going psychotic again

219 replies

NotQuiteUsual · 25/04/2026 16:48

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

OP posts:
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Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 27/04/2026 09:45

Cpn just left. She was lovely and helpful. I cant remember everything she said. But she said the intensity of the thoughts has dropped and thats a sign im going to pull myself back. I see the psychologist Wednesday and the psychiatrist next Thursday. Plus she's going to call again on Friday to check in.

Im exhausted after all that talking. I need to remember my calming techniques, so I can stay onto of it.

Im being discharged by the psychosis team shortly. My cpn was pushing for me to go under the community mental health team but they're not taking on service users right now. So I'll be under gp care in a few weeks. Bit scary because the gp doesnt usually know how to handle my stuff. But what can you do?

My head hurts, but the kids are at school so I can sleep. Do you think the kids could be robots? I thought it was their souls thay had been replaced but I wonder if they're actually robots. Scary stuff.

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ChopstickNovice · 27/04/2026 08:52

Huge hugs OP.

DuskOPorter · 27/04/2026 08:28

You sound like you are doing everything right. I definitely would pursue with the team today but I do know from supporting a friend with similar that with tweaks in medication and a little bit of psychological support to help her separate the wheat from the chaff of her thoughts that she regularly pulls herself back now with much smaller blips compared to when she was younger and the uncertainty pulled her right into full psychosis. Fingers crossed that you are in the same era now.

ItsPickleRick · 27/04/2026 08:21

Well done OP, you’re doing brilliantly.

Please update us when your CPN has been, I’m glad she’s nice and you can be open and honest with her x

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 27/04/2026 08:00

I'm up. Meds taken. Kids ready for school. Its so surreal carrying on as normal knowing what I know. But I dont want them to know I know, so im acting normal. Cpn is coming at 9, she's really nice and really good. She'll sort me out.

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Raccoonsmacaroons · 26/04/2026 19:51

You’re doing brilliantly. Just sleep as much as you can and be really honest with your CPN tomorrow. Can your husband speak with them too, or could you show her this thread?

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 26/04/2026 19:13

I got home and immediately went to bed for an hour. Im in bed again now. Im so tired. I still cant tell what's real or not. I cant think right either. I just wanna sleep and wake up ok.

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Wolfiefan · 26/04/2026 18:40

I hope you got your cuddles. A huge well done for the day out.

Oddlyfull · 26/04/2026 18:19

You managed a family day trip? That’s an incredible leap forward

MyWildOliveGoose · 26/04/2026 15:34

NotQuiteUsual · 26/04/2026 15:08

Don't worry I won't ever just stop taking them, even when they feel like poison. Dh makes sure I take them. And I dont want to get told off by my cpn.

We went out as a family today, it was quite nice. Ds was overwhelmed so we waited outside most of the shops. But nice got some errands done. I feel calm, but there's still two realities running through my mind. My head hurts im going to have a nap. Hopefully the dog joins me for some cuddles

You are doing so well. You’re recognising it. I have faith your cpn will offer much more support tomorrow 🤞🏼

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 26/04/2026 15:08

Don't worry I won't ever just stop taking them, even when they feel like poison. Dh makes sure I take them. And I dont want to get told off by my cpn.

We went out as a family today, it was quite nice. Ds was overwhelmed so we waited outside most of the shops. But nice got some errands done. I feel calm, but there's still two realities running through my mind. My head hurts im going to have a nap. Hopefully the dog joins me for some cuddles

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Wolfiefan · 26/04/2026 14:41

Your dog is beautiful and obviously knew you needed her.
I have come off MH meds before. With GP supervision and reeaaallllyyy slowly. I’m glad your DH knows what’s happening.

Ohpleeeease · 26/04/2026 10:07

So glad you’re feeling better OP.

If you decide to change or come off any of your meds in future, please do it with supervision and very, very gradually. There’s lots of evidence now that coming off ADs too quickly can make it more difficult than it needs to be. It’s really not a good idea to just stop. Do it slowly and that should help you avoid extreme reactions like this last one.

Wishing you all the best.

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 26/04/2026 08:55

Meds are taken!! I can hear the kids in the lounge just playing and its not upsetting me.

Last night the crisis nurse said I was calming down while on the phone and I burst into tears and told her I wasn't calming down I just could tell there was no point talking to her. I feel a bit bad she was trying her best!

We live in Northumberland and everyone's very laid back around here. Its reflected in the mental health care. Northumberland I swear is its own mini country separate from the UK. I usually love that but last night I did not.

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ThatFairy · 26/04/2026 08:48

Animals are the best during bad times. My cat was the same when I was psychotic and terrified. Just gave me lots of love and comfort. Keep talking to us here x

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 26/04/2026 08:33

Im doing ok this morning. I feel a lot less distressed and like I can handle being around the kids. Im still not sure what's real or fake though. Dh knows everything thats going on.

My head feels so full of thoughts its going to explode. I can't think straight. We were meant to go buy holiday clothes for the kids today but I dont think im up to it.

The dog spent half the night in bed next to me. She knows something is wrong. Shame she's a giant dog and meant I wad squished up for half the night.

Think I'm going psychotic again
OP posts:
ThatFairy · 26/04/2026 08:16

Your MH team are negligent. Have you told your husband what they said ? Call on Monday and insist your psychiatrist calls you back. My last episode was terrifying. It started off that everyone around me wasn't real but some sort of computer simulation. Then my son couldn't cope with it and left for weeks. I thought he was dead

You seem to need a change in medication

MyWildOliveGoose · 26/04/2026 07:55

How are you feeling this morning? I’m sorry the crisis team weren’t as helpful as you’d hoped.

Vera87 · 25/04/2026 21:08

Big hugs you are fucking amazing

ItsPickleRick · 25/04/2026 21:03

Your husband can call on your behalf OP if you need him too. I’m sorry they weren’t helpful.

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 25/04/2026 20:59

Crisis team called. It wasn't very helpful, they said it was all just an intrusive thoughts thoughts temporary. She didnt believe me. Im just gonna watch TV and try to sleep. I miss my kids.

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RedLightYellowLight · 25/04/2026 20:17

@NotQuiteUsual you are doing amazingly. You still have insight and have followed advice on what to do and when. You are keeping yourself and yoir children safe. You have told your husband and you are allowed to post here for support as much as you need whilst you wait

justthecat · 25/04/2026 20:14

Sending you a big virtual hug

MyWildOliveGoose · 25/04/2026 19:56

NotQuiteUsual · 25/04/2026 19:52

I really hope they're real. My kids are amazing and literally the best kids you could imagine. It breaks my heart this has happened. I just want them back. I feel angry too that this has happened. I dont like feeling angry its such an ugly emotion. I want a hug but dh is busy with the kids

Depending on their age, will the kids be going to bed soon?

Until then, wrap your arms around yourself and feel the pressure.. listen to your breathing, let your heart settle… you’re going to be ok.

you are safe
you are loved
you have support
your children are amazing
your children are real

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 25/04/2026 19:52

I really hope they're real. My kids are amazing and literally the best kids you could imagine. It breaks my heart this has happened. I just want them back. I feel angry too that this has happened. I dont like feeling angry its such an ugly emotion. I want a hug but dh is busy with the kids

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