Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Think I'm going psychotic again

219 replies

NotQuiteUsual · 25/04/2026 16:48

It always starts the same way, thinking the kids are fake. I dont want them to talk to me or touch me. So im hiding in the bedroom so they dont notice. DH is running the house for me.

Im so upset and scared, where have my real kids gone? I feel like my medication is poisoning me but I have to keep taking it. I know if I stop taking my meds I'll be fine, but im not allowed to stop.

I'm scared, ive been seeing more moving shadows and things lately too. I just feel like I thought i was doing so well but maybe im not. Maybe ive been struggling more than I realised. This is how it feels when the psychosis starts up. I dont want to get sick again. What do I do? I see my cpn on Monday, so thats good. Id call crisis team but I dont want to kill myself or self harm so they won't want to see me. I'm clueless.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 01/05/2026 07:44

I threw up my antipsychotics this morning. Not on purpose, I just semi regularly throw up in the morning. Dr's dont know why. But ive essentially not taken antipsychotics today, my con said not to take more when this happens and the half life of what I take is long enough to cover missed doses but im a bit scared.

Ill get the kids to school and take my diazepam. Tbf that antipsychotics crao is poison so no wonder my body threw it up. Got my antidepressants down though.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 30/04/2026 21:40

I love them!

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 30/04/2026 21:02

This is the jellyfish army so far.

Im feeling lots better in diazepam. Everything is nonsense still and I don't love the kids being near me still. But I can hide it good. Im going to bed soon, hopefully no nightmares tonight. Thanks for the support everyone. Especially for the Jellyfish army. When I crochet I can't do anything bad snd my brain is occupied so its helpful

Think I'm going psychotic again
OP posts:
Desperatelydoomscrolling · 30/04/2026 19:29

Hi, I have nothing helpful to add that isn't as helpful as what others have said already, but I couldn't read all this and not want to join in and say hello! You are amazing and Im so proud of you! And your jellyfish army are great - I love crochet too, especially making animals. I tried knitting once thinking I might be good at that too, but I'm awful at it. 😂 I really hope you feel better soon.

CleanSkin · 30/04/2026 16:28

Am I allowed to 😂 at a Jellyfish Army? Love it!

Oh, and what @Summerhillsquare said, too x

Summerhillsquare · 30/04/2026 15:22

Your self awareness and ability to ask for and secure help is really impressive.

And your jellyfish are cute!

stopthemud · 30/04/2026 15:20

You are doing so well OP. I have had awful hallucinations, so frightening until somehow my dh will attest to this I manged to tell the drs I had a uti and exactly what ab to Rx. Previous 2 had failed. You have an insight that what you are experiencing might not be real, that is so important imo. You will get better and diazepam will help your brain rest & believe me when I say that, I have an elderly bipolar mother. Diazepam is the only thing that works when she becomes elevated. Best of luck.

blankcanvas3 · 30/04/2026 15:09

You’re doing so well, OP x

Wolfiefan · 30/04/2026 15:09

Love a homemade pizza! Yum. Looking forward to seeing pics of the jellyfish army!

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 30/04/2026 14:55

Thanks everyone. Diazepam has slowed my brain right now. Jellyfish army is up to 4 and a half. I'm picking kids up soon. And I made pizza dough for dinner tonight. Dh can do the cooking though

OP posts:
crochetandshit · 30/04/2026 14:22

OP I don't really have any advice for you but I hope it helps you to know how proud I am of you. Your posts are really amazing. The strength and awareness you are showing despite being so unwell is just awe inspiring. I hope that when you are feeling more yourself that you can look back and feel some pride at yourself even through such a scary time.

Wolfiefan · 30/04/2026 14:09

Hope you manage to pick up the meds ok. I’m really impressed with the jellyfish. I can just about crochet a plain blanket.

Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 30/04/2026 13:41

Boundless empathy sent to you, @NotQuiteUsual, I experience similar and it is hell.

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 30/04/2026 12:39

My cpn is bringing me a script for diazepam so im going to the chemist to sort it..I need to pick up meds anyway.

OP posts:
ForCosyLion · 30/04/2026 08:45

Omg, that jellyfish is SO cute! I love him/her.

CleanSkin · 30/04/2026 08:24

Morning @NotQuiteUsual
Just came on here to send gentle & supportive hugs & let you know that I think you are a wonderful Mum, so caring & loving to your children, despite being unwell. Please be proud of yourself (& be proud of the jellyfish too, they’re ace!)

Im proud to say that my DD is a psychologist; your recent experience with yours is exactly the reason that she went into this field. If it’s ok by you, I’ll pass on your comments to her about how interesting your session was.

I wish you a calm & gentle day xx

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 30/04/2026 07:35

This id a big jellyfish and a half made baby jellyfish.

I feel really bad, last night after my psychologist appointment I felt really bad, so I went to the crisis cafe. But they said it was too late to help me.

This reality is totally fake and I can almost feel how to peel it away. But I can't get to the actual core reality. That's why the kids feel fake and everyone feels like robots. Its all fake. Even the walls are just like paper.

I dont know what I'm supposed to do?! No one will help the thoughts stop. No one can stop them. So i just have to endure and hope.

Think I'm going psychotic again
OP posts:
Raccoonsmacaroons · 30/04/2026 02:57

You’re doing really well, @NotQuiteUsual, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Wanna show us your jellyfish collection??

PinkPanda99 · 30/04/2026 00:45

I feel for you, I really do! I have bipolar disorder and also get psychosis, it’s scary and exhausting. I’m so glad to hear you feel you’re starting to come out the other side of this. I remember googling and googling what I thought was true for ages and being confused/frustrated as to why no results were coming back. And the relief when things became clearer and I realised the horrible things weren’t true. Keep talking to us and hang in there.

5to5 · 29/04/2026 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 29/04/2026 20:00

Psychologist was interesting. We talked about ym beliefs and how exhausting it is having two realities running through my head. We talked about my conviction in my beliefs, how it felt comforting to believe things ive believed in strongly in the past. Then we did grounding techniques and we decided I get to worry about reality snd robots and my fake children for about half an hour a day. Then when its finished I'll move onto something else.

Ive made 3 crochet jellyfish today. Its becoming a bit of an obsession. I cant sit still. But we agreed it would be most convenient if this is just a mental health blip and I haven't uncovered the truth, so im hoping she's right and not lying to me and I just need to push forward calmly.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 29/04/2026 15:40

Sounds like you’ve had a more positive feeling day today which is lovely to read.
Every day that passes is a day closer to feeling back to your more normal self.
What colour did you crochet your jellyfish in? My sister is a keen crocheter and has tried to teach me so many times but I’m all fingers and thumbs and never get the hang of it!

Keep up with resting and eating, this will pass. You’ve been through it before and you’ll come through it again. Sending lots of good vibes your way op - I think (from very much an outsiders perspective) that you’re handling this all in the best possible way and I’m very proud of you for that. 💐

Original poster
NotQuiteUsual · 29/04/2026 15:13

Thanknyou for the kind reply. I had a good day today. I bought toy stuffing and made a crochet jellyfish in the neurodivergent cafe. Its my safe space. Im a lot calmer after crocheting and a nice decaff coffee. The distress is going. Im very tired though, my cpn is calling on Friday.

I think I might be starting to come out the other side of this. Usually I calm down first, then the thoughts fade away. Everyone still feels like clockwork and the kids still feel fake. But im not so worried about it. Like it's all wrong but I'm calm in the storm.

OP posts:
Namechangedforthis60 · 29/04/2026 14:26

Hi OP.
I am a CPN who also works in EIP but down in the south of the uk! ive read your entire thread here and it sounds like you’re doing a great job in difficult circumstances. Keep reaching out to your CPN for support, does your EIP team have support workers who could do an extra visit for support in the short term whilst you manage this blip? Do you have a wellbeing plan with coping mechanisms on? Do you feel up to looking this over and trying some of them even if it feels tricky they may help!
if you’re due to see the psychiatrist you could ask for prn meds to help you manage in the short term.
keep looking after yourself and remember it sounds like you’ve been through this before and come out the other side - you can do it again! Recovery is possible! Best wishes to you!

Theysignoffquick · 29/04/2026 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.