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Original poster

Didn't want to wake up

86 replies

Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 07:37

Now I have, it's the immediate panic and dread. Paralysed to do anything. The absolute struggle of getting through another day. I cant do another 40 - 50 years, I just can't.

OP posts:
Shaveitall · 06/04/2026 02:34

Springtime54 · 06/04/2026 00:06

Not sure. I saw her a few weeks ago and she doesn't know what to do with me. She just said you've tried loads of different medicines and had loads of therapy. It made me feel even worse. I pay 250 pounds every time to see her for half an hour appointment.

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Have you tried low dose antipsychotics in conjunction with ADs?
As you are paying privately and she isn’t helping, why don’t you switch to a different psychiatrist who might have other options for you?

XelaM · 06/04/2026 00:11

Can you articulate what it is that would make your life better? x

Original poster
Springtime54 · 06/04/2026 00:06

Shaveitall · 06/04/2026 00:03

Im so sorry, I know what that feels like.
When are you seeing your psychiatrist next? There must be something they can suggest to help you.

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Not sure. I saw her a few weeks ago and she doesn't know what to do with me. She just said you've tried loads of different medicines and had loads of therapy. It made me feel even worse. I pay 250 pounds every time to see her for half an hour appointment.

OP posts:
Shaveitall · 06/04/2026 00:03

Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:59

No, never. I can't remember the last time I felt okay though.

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Im so sorry, I know what that feels like.
When are you seeing your psychiatrist next? There must be something they can suggest to help you.

Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:59

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:58

Do you enjoy your job when you are feeling ok?

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No, never. I can't remember the last time I felt okay though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:58

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:54

I’m sorry, thats brutal. Do you think that you will be able to go to work on Tuesday though?

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Yeah I've done it many times before, I just operate like a robot. Not sure I'll be able to shower. The fear of a verbal warning drives me to get out of bed as I'd end up homeless without my job and while I'm still here, I dont want to be on the streets. Then when I'm there at work I just count down the hours until I can leave.

OP posts:
Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:58

Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:55

Doesn't matter if you have sick notes or explain or what it is for, same policy for everyone.

Do you enjoy your job when you are feeling ok?

Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:55

Doesn't matter if you have sick notes or explain or what it is for, same policy for everyone.

OP posts:
Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:54

Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:53

It just works on trigger points so if you take a certain amount of days off or episodes in a time frame it goes verbal warning, written warning then dismissal.

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I’m sorry, thats brutal. Do you think that you will be able to go to work on Tuesday though?

Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:53

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:51

Is that even legal for them to do that if you are ill?

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It just works on trigger points so if you take a certain amount of days off or episodes in a time frame it goes verbal warning, written warning then dismissal.

OP posts:
Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:51

Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:29

I can't take any sick leave unfortunately or my work will give me a verbal warning.

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Is that even legal for them to do that if you are ill?

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 23:50

Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:28

Awful. I feel so sad that I've told a close relative I dont want to be here anymore and theyve not even messaged this evening to ask how I am. People on mumsnet have been kinder than my actual family.

Edited
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As a PP said, that says more about them than it does about you. I’ve got a toxic family too and I’ve finally gone NC after decades of ignoring their behaviour and hoping that they would treat me better. They will never change so you might find more peace of mind if you can accept that and don’t let them have the power to upset you. Easier said than done, I know.

Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:29

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 20:09

I’m so sorry you are suffering like this OP. It is good that you have the support of a psychiatrist. When are you due to see them next? Maybe you could ask to bring the appointment forward if it is a while away.
I know you have tried a number of AD but have they suggested adding a low dose antipsychotic as that can improve the efficacy of ADs?
You really don’t sound like you are fit for work on Tuesday so could you take some sick leave if that might help you rest and recover a bit.
Dont despair, things can improve. You need to be kind to yourself and not expect too much of yourself at the moment. Give yourself credit for everything you can achieve, however small it may seem. 💐

I can't take any sick leave unfortunately or my work will give me a verbal warning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 23:28

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 21:32

How are you feeling now OP?

Awful. I feel so sad that I've told a close relative I dont want to be here anymore and theyve not even messaged this evening to ask how I am. People on mumsnet have been kinder than my actual family.

OP posts:
Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 21:32

How are you feeling now OP?

Tillow4ever · 05/04/2026 20:56

Sorry that your day didn’t improve. Your family member was heartless replying the way they did. Remember that it says more about them and their self worth than it does about you.

I hope you can get some support in trying new treatments. I know you probably don’t want to keep trying things that don’t work - but hopefully there’s something just around the corner for you.

Shaveitall · 05/04/2026 20:09

I’m so sorry you are suffering like this OP. It is good that you have the support of a psychiatrist. When are you due to see them next? Maybe you could ask to bring the appointment forward if it is a while away.
I know you have tried a number of AD but have they suggested adding a low dose antipsychotic as that can improve the efficacy of ADs?
You really don’t sound like you are fit for work on Tuesday so could you take some sick leave if that might help you rest and recover a bit.
Dont despair, things can improve. You need to be kind to yourself and not expect too much of yourself at the moment. Give yourself credit for everything you can achieve, however small it may seem. 💐

Snowie99 · 05/04/2026 19:56

OP, I’ve felt like you so many times but have got through the years by taking one day and one step at a time with medical help . I’m now 64. If ifI can do it, you can too 💐🤗. Have you got help from your GP?

Hogwartsian · 05/04/2026 19:43

Hey. I hear you. Could you open the curtains and then get straight back into bed? Or go and curl up on the sofa instead of your bed. It might make you feel like you've done something. I often feel how you describe, and I just try to do teeny tiny steps. Like moving to a different room, or getting a drink, or lighting a candle.

cafenoirbiscuit · 05/04/2026 17:35

Advertising and social media makes it look like families are the best things but actually there are many of us without supportive families. We are here with you though, on here. You’re not alone. Sending love x

Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 17:22

All I've thought about all day is not wanting to be here. And telling a close relative and them not caring has just cemented it to be honest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 17:11

Sirzy · 05/04/2026 17:04

Have you managed to have something to drink and eat tosay?

Yeah I ate a whole easter egg and pizza and chips. I have really big chronic problems with comfort eating. Have been overweight for years. Tried everything. Had the jabs but got pancreatitis so had to stop them. Its a big source of unhappiness in my life.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/04/2026 17:04

Have you managed to have something to drink and eat tosay?

Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 16:28

Tillow4ever · 05/04/2026 13:52

I’m really sorry to hear that. I wonder if it’s worth looking into any trials being run by companies into new treatments? I’m sure there must be some for people whose brains don’t respond to traditional treatments.

I know it’s not real, but the show does base its medical stuff on real life cases - in Grey’s Anatomy there was a case where a woman was feeling how it sounds you feel. They tried some sort of electric shock therapy (I can’t remember the exact details) and it basically “reset” her brain - the depression was gone!

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Yeah its electroconvulsive therapy. I've been meaning to ask my psychiatrist about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Springtime54 · 05/04/2026 16:27

Tillow4ever · 05/04/2026 16:16

Do you feel any better at all? It’s ok if you don’t.

No. I feel horrendous.

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