Suspended from work after serious mistake and struggling to see a way forward

You sound like you’re going through out right now. If you were dismissed financially wise you might struggle for a little bit but you will get by. Your MH sounds really on the line here. No job is worth your MH. You are suffering so much now at the thought of loosing this job but they will be enjoying their weekend. Harsh, but true. I’m trying to say you need to put yourself first.
worst case, contact your finances and explain the situation. They have a duty of care and you will always find a way back although it doesn’t feel it now. You can do this. I’m really rooting for you but no job is worth your MH. Best of luck, OP.

You haven't said exactly what happened. Are your employers aware of your MH condition and would it render you disabled under the Equality Act? If so and if they are aware there may be mitigation or the potential to settle amicably under settlement agreement.

It will be a balance between your rights under the EA and the reasonableness of adjustments that should have been made and what you actually did. Did you damage anything or anyone snd hoow public was it.

It's difficult without the full facts and hopefully your union will advise.

You have to think about how you’d feel towards someone else if you witnessed them having what was clearly a bad mental health episode.

You would be worried for them and feel sad for what they were going through. You wouldn’t be judging them or thinking they’re a bad person and once they returned to your place of work you’d feel glad that they were feeling better and that’s what people will think about you.

Youre being really hard on yourself when really you need to be extra forgiving, loving and understanding towards yourself right now.

Every word of this.

Do not resign before the meeting, you may be jumping the gun. But your representative may be able to negotiate a settlement with reference for you if it looks as if the meeting is heading towards dismissal.

A genuine first time mistake is unlikely to meet the criteria for gross misconduct, unless you have broken the law.

There are examples of wins at tribunal of disability discrimination when someone was dismissed because of behaviour that was a result of their disability. Some of them are mental health related. Definitely speak to union.

That's another way of saying you are massively struggling. And you are getting treated but the treatment is not 100% successful. All powerful mitigating circumstances. In some cases mental health issues can be seen as a disability. So accommodations need to be considered.

If you weren't aggressive/violent/excessively rude to a colleague/ customer.....it's hard to see how that could be considered gross misconduct but obviously we have no idea what happened.

@DeepDarkBlack im so sorry for what you are going through. Not conduct related but my husband has been at the sharp end of losing jobs and even losing a business (2 if you count one where he was a director and ended up doing all of the enormous work closing it even though he was the last director in and many had been there for decades) when circumstances conspired against him during the Construction Industry crash.

It is such a knock when this stuff happens but in the grand scheme of things health matters so so so much more. That needs to be your initial focus.

Each time we have had those knocks ironically we have ended up in a better place after. Not necessarily financially but overall as a family. We knuckled down, buckled in and made it work and that brought us closer together.

Jimmy Carr says that you won’t get a trust fund kid of good character and it is absolutely true - it is these difficult times that shape people. You will be shaped by this experience and you will recover from it.

You need to be much kinder to yourself, you are a human being, you have limits and you pushed yourself past them and it temporarily broke you.

The environment that led to that is clearly toxic, you either didn’t feel you could speak or weren’t listened to, that is not on you.

Recovering is where you need to make the real changes. You are not a failure, a situation didn’t work out for you. You are not entirely responsible for the situation not working out you were over whelmed and overloaded. Saying that you shouldn’t have broken down means that you are not recognising that another person in the same situation could easily have had the same outcome. It is not just you. You will recover.

That sounds very difficult. Surely your workplace need to take into account your MH and support you rather than sacking you? Was this the first such incident?

Had you been seeking help/taking medication for this previous to the incident?

My thinking would be that if this was already an issue you were dealing with you’re not going to get in trouble and they’ll actually want to support you coming back to work eventually.

And even if it wasn’t something you were already receiving treatment for it’s something you would be now so it’s not just someone losing their shit and being inappropriate it’s a medical condition.

If its a work conduct I.e youve lost your shit at someone, people will be able to advise better.

If your work isnt an issue, what exactly have you done? Breached GPDR? You havent killed anyone so thats good.

Human error (especially if you have declared MH) will stand in your favour.

You’re in the thick of it right now and things must feel like they’ll never get better but they will.

Talk with your union and try to remain as positive as you can.

It will all be ok in the end no matter how it works out.

There will be life after this situation and you will feel better.

There are worse things than getting dismissed.

An aquaintance of mine spend 6 months in prison (nothing to do with ther job) but of course she could not go back there, While in prison she did some computer qualifications which were validated by a local college. No reference to prison.After getting out she reverted to her single name. In those days those qualifications were in demand so she temped for 15 months. Then was offered a permanent job at one office. Eventually rose to become manager. Now this was back in the late 1980s when there was not all this database checking. She simply explained the gap on her CV as "providing end of life care for an elderly relative". No one ever questioned her further. Its not the kind of thing you ask about in an interview.

In effect she was economical with the truth and re-invented herself by taking some qualifications and pivoting into a new area. You do what you have to do to get on in life.

Use a benefit calculator such as turn2us. You should be able to claim New-Style ESA which is based on your NI contributions, so isn't means-tested.

They will absolutely need to take that into account.

It’s quite difficult to sack someone for misconduct if they have declared mental health issues. You might be put on a warning.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I had a similar situation happen to me last year.
I advise ACAS, they were amazing for me. You also need to go to your GP if you haven't already. You will be under immense stress and anxiety right now and some medication might be the right step.
When you get to disciplinary my advice is to be open to what you have been dealing with regarding your MH. Admit your faults, reiterate that they were not intentional and you want support to prevent a future occurrence. Advise that you have sought support for your MH and are open to any re-training/support they suggest.
I promise you things will get better. I've been there, it's taken time and lots of tears but I can see a way forward. Thinking of you.

This is great advice

You might need to be clearer about what actually happened in order for people to help but it sounds like if the misconduct related to a mental health issue, there should be no reason you can’t return to the field once your mental health is better and you have a plan in place to avoid similar incidents.

OP please be kind to yourself and seek RL support. No job is worth you feeling like that about yourself.

I hope they see it for what it is - a mental health episode and treat you with kindness. OP, please reach out to someone - you shouldn’t feel like this. Sending love to you and wish you better x