Dark hours before the darkest day

scousemum · 2026-03-20T02:51:05+00:00

Struggling to sleep and wondered if anyone else is awake for a virtual handhold? My 26 year old son took his own life a month ago, his funeral is this morning (Friday). He had bipolar and a few recent bad things happening tipped him into despair. I just don’t know how I m going to get through this.

Runningtokeepstilll · 21/03/2026 17:24

Thinking about you OP 💐

Helplessandheartbroke · 20/03/2026 08:01

Thinking of you and your family today op x

FlyingUnicornWings · 20/03/2026 08:00

I’m devastated for you. I’m so so sorry. I will be thinking about you today, and I hope you have all the support. You have my love. I really am sorry x

NeedToKnow101 · 20/03/2026 07:16

scousemum · 20/03/2026 04:29

@2017SoFarSoGood So sorry to hear you lost your daughter. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but it can be lonely in grief can’t it? Especially losing a child, even as an adult. I’m dreading no one saying his name after tomorrow and the world carrying on. Not sure how much I’ll remember either.

@Emelene he was gentle, kind, quirky and quick witted. He felt everything very deeply. He loved animals and art and music. He’d just started at University after many years out of education due to poor mental health. He loved anything tiny or miniature…clearing his flat has been heartbreaking, he’d kept so many cards and objects collected in happier times. When he smiled it felt like light in the world.

I’m so sorry about your son. It’s so important to keep talking about him every day. In time it will be happier memories you remember more than this terrible tragedy. My brother took his own life aged 27 after three years of mental illness. It’s just devastating but we never stopped talking about him, with friends too, not just within the family. (Although when I met new people I couldn’t tell them for a few years, couldn’t say the words). Eventually it gets better. I agree it’s good to talk to others it has happened to. We planted a tree for him in our local park. My brother’s funeral was just a blur. Wishing you and your family strength for today.

Original poster

scousemum · 20/03/2026 07:07

Thanks everyone, I fell asleep briefly but woke up to some new kind thoughts ❤️.
@Goldenboysmum I am so sorry to hear about your son too. I’m dreading the journey ahead but you’re here offering comfort so it is survivable in some way. I can feel I’m never going to be the same again, and that this changed you too.

My eyes are red and puffy, and I have a massive headache, but there’s tea beside the bed and it’s light outside. One step at a time.
Keep me and my wee family in your thoughts this morning xxx

OP posts:

Lougle · 20/03/2026 07:00

@scousemum I hope today brings moments of unexpected joy when you celebrate the life of your lovely boy and grieve his death.

Goldenboysmum · 20/03/2026 06:53

I'm so sorry for your loss, I also lost my only son to suicide just over 5 years ago.

I do understand what you're going through and the journey you're about to go on. There are no words to comfort you because it's impossible to comfort a grieving parent, but I'll think about you and your family today.

Sending you lots of love strength for today and the days ahead 💜

Lindy2 · 20/03/2026 06:41

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wish you the strength you need to get through this difficult time. x

MintLindt · 20/03/2026 06:38

I’m so very sorry op. I’ll be thinking of you and your family today. Sending you love and strength 💐

Scotsgirl001 · 20/03/2026 06:06

💐 xx

hmmnotreallysure · 20/03/2026 06:03

So sorry to hear this. Sending strength to you and your family

Dazedandconfused28 · 20/03/2026 05:52

Hold steady OP.

I'll be thinking of you & your son today. He sounds like a beautiful person.

Sending you strength & love xx

Runningtokeepstilll · 20/03/2026 05:32

So sorry for your terrible loss OP. I’m sure it is little consolation to you at the moment but he is at peace now and no longer suffering. 💐

FrogOfFrogHall · 20/03/2026 04:52

He sounds like a wonderful person, did he have a favourite animal? In time perhaps you could sponsor an animal in his name. I think some zoos or animal sanctuaries will put plaques up of their sponsors. Or you could have a memorial bench or plant a tree. I always read plaques on benches and think about the person named on them. Sending best wishes for today x

ktopfwcv · 20/03/2026 04:41

Warm hugs OP

Dontjudgeme101 · 20/03/2026 04:33

I am so sorry to hear about your ds. I will be thinking of you and your family at this very sad time. X

Original poster

scousemum · 20/03/2026 04:29

@2017SoFarSoGood So sorry to hear you lost your daughter. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but it can be lonely in grief can’t it? Especially losing a child, even as an adult. I’m dreading no one saying his name after tomorrow and the world carrying on. Not sure how much I’ll remember either.

@Emelene he was gentle, kind, quirky and quick witted. He felt everything very deeply. He loved animals and art and music. He’d just started at University after many years out of education due to poor mental health. He loved anything tiny or miniature…clearing his flat has been heartbreaking, he’d kept so many cards and objects collected in happier times. When he smiled it felt like light in the world.

OP posts:

piscofrisco · 20/03/2026 04:22

Sending you lots of love x

zebrazoop · 20/03/2026 04:20

I’m so sorry about your son. Wishing you strength to get through the day x x

Emelene · 20/03/2026 04:20

I’m so sorry for your loss. Would you like to tell us more about him? 💐 I hope it goes as well as it can tomorrow. Be kind to yourself xxxx

2017SoFarSoGood · 20/03/2026 04:13

I’m so very sorry about your boy.

Truthfully I can’t recall much about my daughter’s funeral at all. It was hard and horrible and beautiful. So many people - most of whom I did not actually see or talk to. I will say the journey in the car behind the hearse was almost unbearable, but I’m so glad we accompanied her.

Will be thinking of you all.

Original poster

scousemum · 20/03/2026 04:02

@HonestyboxyHe was a great one for climbing huge trees as a child, so he’d like that. Appreciating the love and strength, going to need it all.

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Honestyboxy · 20/03/2026 03:54

Oh my love my heart goes out to you. Sending you love and strength for what lies ahead. I’m so very sorry. I have known someone in your position who planted a tree for their son to remember him. Perhaps in time you could do something like this to honour his life.

Original poster

scousemum · 20/03/2026 03:41

Thank you everyone for your support in the darkness. I want to celebrate who he was but I also want to hide under the covers and not face any one it…of course I’ll actually be there, but it just feels unimaginable right now. The comfort of strangers reaching out gives me courage and hope for humanity.
The minister leading is service is lovely and has said she will take over from us if we can’t speak. We have a burial after the service but I don’t think there’ll be many that attend. It’s all so surreal but horribly painful at the same time.

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Londog · 20/03/2026 03:32

I’m so deeply sorry for your indescribable loss. I pray that you and your precious family find the strength to pay tribute to your beautiful son and find comfort in each other in your profound grief. With love, deepest compassion and courage ❤️