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Original poster

Any other parents with complex trauma/dissociative disorders?

39 replies

Cayennepepper7 · 03/12/2025 19:26

Just seeing if anyone is in the same boat here

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 05/12/2025 14:25

Scoffin · 05/12/2025 13:55

I follow what you're saying, eyesopen, but I think it is more applicable to single event trauma. I had attachment trauma from both parents in different ways age 0-18. It's formed who I am.

I agree, but the concept is the same. The subconscious needs to know that, as an adult, the strategies developed in childhood are no longer helpful or appropriate.

Original poster
Cayennepepper7 · 05/12/2025 14:06

Yes, complex trauma/developmental trauma is different to single event trauma. Adults with trauma histories are more susceptible to additional single event trauma later in life, but it's not the same

OP posts:
Scoffin · 05/12/2025 13:55

I follow what you're saying, eyesopen, but I think it is more applicable to single event trauma. I had attachment trauma from both parents in different ways age 0-18. It's formed who I am.

Eyesopenwideawake · 05/12/2025 11:55

This is the way I explain trauma to the people I work with.

When something terrible and/or unexpected happens a part of the mind takes on the job of figuring out exactly what happen, why it happened and (crucially) what our role was in the event. This isn't to punish or torment us but to ensure that that particular thing never happens again – it's very much a protective mechanism.

That's fine if we were texting when the car accident happened or the other person was drunk, but some things are just so random or unexpected that there's absolutely no way of predicting them, preparing for them or avoiding them. If there were other people involved who can't or won't explained their role/actions then the mind can only work with it's own interpretation – so at best 50% of the remembered reality.

However that bit of your subconscious doesn't understand that there might never be a resolution and works on and on, rerunning the event(s) from every possible angle – hence the flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares that are part of trauma.

Once that part of your mind understands that there isn't, and never will be, a satisfactory answer it will stop, because it's a fruitless exercise which is detracting from your happiness. You won't forget what happened but the emotional link will be broken.

Original poster
Cayennepepper7 · 05/12/2025 05:58

I really relate to what you all have written and it's a relief to be able to speak about it, even if just on here!

I think a big issue is that in daily life we can't really be open and honest and say 'yes I have this difficulty due to trauma/disorder' so personally it adds another layer of stress. I have to try and pretend to be normal all the time. And then you have periods when you don't even remember what the issue is, or that you have any problem at all, and then traumatised parts or flashbacks suddenly pop up out of nowhere.

I understand about it being lonely, ending relationships, and finding it hard to know where to start or what to say or just what you're feeling in the first place. And if you do try and talk to someone, feeling caught between either 'oh everyone goes through that, you just have to motivate yourself' and 'oh no this is actually too much and I don't relate and can't cope, bye.'

Talk therapy definitely helps, as well as reading books on complex trauma to try and understand what's happening a bit more. I was resistant at first to engage with this, as mental health issues were always seen by those around me as either to be completely avoided if obvious, or a sort of excuse or self-obsession otherwise. What many people don't understand is that you are already living it every single day when it's untreated - the only difference is in being able to understand and manage it.

OP posts:
PennyJenny77 · 05/12/2025 00:44

Me! Cptsd and I often dissociate. The worst part for me is that I can't speak any trauma-associated words. I want to, but they're stuck in my brain and, even though I see them clearly, they can't get to my mouth, if that makes sense.

Kickingasssince72 · 04/12/2025 15:09

CPTSD it’s just ended my marriage as even innocuous behaviour from DH is so triggering I’d rather be by myself. In therapy and on Citalopram but I’m forever changed unfortunately.

DarkEyedSailor · 04/12/2025 14:12

I really want to talk about it but I don't even know how to start. Which is a bit pointless, sorry!

Scoffin · 04/12/2025 12:29

I'm happy to talk on this thread or by DM! Agree it can be lonely, I don't know anyone in real life with these issues (though admittedly they can be well hidden).
I have cptsd and suspect also a dissociative order though not confirmed yet. Various things make me suspect further dissociation, including sometimes hearing voices at night.

DarkEyedSailor · 04/12/2025 09:33

Yes.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 04/12/2025 09:30

i have PTSD and am currently in therapy for it.

Original poster
Cayennepepper7 · 04/12/2025 09:29

@Scoffin Yes me too, I am similar. High functioning, amnesia/repression, lots of dissociation - then a further trauma later in life brought everything to the surface. Diagnosed with CPTSD, PTSD and DID. It's not something I talk to anyone in my life about other than in therapy, because it's not something other people will understand or feel comfortable with. For example, I first went to therapy because one night I started dissociating, had no memory of the evening and my partner at the time said I acted like a completely different person, and he immediately ended the relationship. This was a confusing and terrifying experience which led me to feel like something was not right and seek help. Since then I have been dealing with it completely on my own aside for therapy (one family member did once bring it up and we talked about it, but haven't since then).

I have done a lot of work but it would be so helpful to be able to talk about these experiences with other people who understand.

OP posts:
Scoffin · 04/12/2025 08:32

Yes, me.
I've been high functioning for many years but had a huge breakdown a couple of years ago and now in therapy. Trying to come to terms with the extent of the dissociation.

SpiritAdder · 03/12/2025 23:36

Yes. Me.