Living with Bipolar

Morning all. How are you all doing?

Had another review with the psychiatrist, she asked if I wanted to be signed back over to GP care with the option of seeing the team when I wanted within 2 years. I asked to stay. The thought of not seeing the psychiatrist scared me even though I'm normally in and out within 5 minutes. I'm still struggling massively with anxiety, she said to take 2 promethazine if I wake and can't fall back to sleep. Which is great but means I'll fly through my prescription, so am reluctant. I keep thinking about leaving my job. I'm juggling so many balls and dropping them everywhere. I am away between 1-5 nights a week for the next 8 weeks, and am dreading it.

I’m ok, not enjoying the heat at all. I’m so over summer!
I got keys for new house so
am sorting stuff out, moving in on Tuesday, it’s getting rewired etc this weekend. Not sure how it’s going to feel when I actually move out, been with husband 24 years so it might take a bit of getting used to but I’m glad I’m getting my kitten as he will be company plus kids will stay as and when they want to. Overall the trazodone has helped me out a lot, I’m sleeping better and my mood is more stable after a very long year of poor mental health. I still feel very vulnerable though if that makes sense? It takes a long time to get your confidence back when you’ve had a bad relapse doesn’t it? X

Thanks, I went back to bed until my partner came home.
I'm ok with my meds normally just been thrown this week with routine slightly changed and not feeling great. The one night I didn't spot that it stayed in my dosset box when I emptied it and the second night I had knocked it on to the floor so thought I must have already taken it. I'm still breastfeeding my second and the mirtazapine makes me dopey within about 20-30 minutes so I tend to take the rest of my meds first and then the mirtazapine once he has fed so I can put him in the cot before I go to sleep.

I'm not on lithium at the moment, I stopped it to conceive and haven't restarted it yet. I have been on quetiapine for nearly 15 years and my body is quite dependent on it now. My mind doesn't sleep if I don't take it and then I get all shaky, nauseous, and go all hot and cold. Although it's usually me being sick overnight that causes me to not have taken it so it can be hard to separate out cause and effect.

The weather really isn't helping! We don't have many plans for the weekend so I think something easy and low key is on the cards.

How is everyone else doing?

Please just ring the crisis team, it’s what they are there for. It can’t hurt xx
are you on lithium?
can your partner take over your meds for you?
sorry you are feeling shitty - I really think this weather does not help one bit as it saps everything out of you x

Still much the same..
I have had dreadful week physically as I was ill over the weekend. Knock on effect was going into medication withdrawal and dehydration. I felt really unwell with it but me being me I tried to keep going. I nearly passed out at the walk my cpn arranges and she had to get me into a coffee shop for a prescription of a sweet cup of tea and a ham toastie to bring my blood sugars up.
I then somehow didn't take my mirtazapine two nights in a row which meant I was awake from 12-4 am when the sedation from my quetiapine kicked in.

I'm feeling very much in a hide from the world day to day. My cpn doesn't work Fridays otherwise I think I'd ask for a call.

I had to google where that is lol.
how are you getting on?

I feel like a southerner... I'm on the edge of the peak District

I live near Newcastle so I’m north too.

Hey @TopsyTurvyDaysI am in Northumberland (currently sitting on the beach which is practically unheard of given our usual weather!).

Hope your appointment comes round fast. Waiting with MH issues sucks doesn’t it? Hopefully our meds will get changes up and make us feel better.

i have made myself come out for some sun and feel ok - better than lying in bed for the day anyway.

How is everyone? I have an assessment appointment on the 12th August so should be able to get a psychiatrist appointment sometime after that. Feels a long time to wait but it’s not a surprise. Hoping to have my meds changed up so I can get out of this depression.

On the upside I’m far North and we have some sun so trying to enjoy it while it lasts!

@MarmadukeMcould you ask AI about reasonable adjustments for examples? I used it recently and it was very helpful.

Sunny is too cute, he’ll make a fantastic companion!

Thanks xx I think last time I went back when I really was still very unwell. I’m at least I’m sleeping ok and stuff which I wasn’t last time I went back - I was going to work on 1 or 2 hours of sleep so no wonder I went round the bend!
been talking to my friend who is an accountant and manages a team and she gave me some advice about looking at what I could ask for as reasonable adjustments to hopefully make my job less stressful so I’m going to write a few bits down and take them with me to the meeting just to start a conversation. My work are supportive but there’s been a change of management and they are a bit more mercenary which hasn’t helped my worrying about what’s going to happen…😖

@MarmadukeM sorry to hear about going back to work being so tricky, I think you're very brave for trying and I hope you have a supportive line manager.

Whereabouts in the country are you? I am
off work sick at the moment and spending quite a lot of time on my own and I find that difficult 🙁
I need to work towards going back soon but my last return to work was such a spectacular failure it’s making me dead worried about things going to shit again x

What's the purpose of the morning quetiapine?

I was on twice daily dose of quetiapine for a while. I used to drive and then take it once I got to work or where ever I was going. I had about half an hour 15 minutes after taking it where it knocked me sideways. If I didn't keep myself occupied I would fall asleep and be groggy for about 3h, if I could power through that half hour I could then function without deficits.

I was then moved to the extended release version so I take it all at night

Just wanted to say thanks for creating this thread and being and to all those responding. My only friend with bipolar passed away a couple of years ago and I've been quite isolated since.

Ah yes I can see the reluctance to drive with the morning quetiapine. Sounds like you are doing some positive stuff -I really hope you are on the road to recovery and good luck on the job front x

I do drive, but as I'm on a small top up of quetiapine in the morning I'm being a bit cautious about getting behind the wheel. I'm doing a bit of crochet, walking with my mum and filling in a job application or two a week as having an iron in the fire gives me hope. But I'm only going for part time local stuff at the mo as I suspect anything more would knacker me after recent events.

I’m looking forward to my new man moving in with me - he’s a Maine coon so he will be massive I’m calling him ‘sunny’

I’m impressed you did the interview when you are having such a crappy time. Sorry you didn’t get the job though but well done at doing the interview!
I can relate to the adrenaline, I’m stressed to fuck at the minute with life - been toing and froing trying to complete on new house and orchestrate electricians and carpet fitters etc etc and knowing will all go to crap if the completion gets delayed. Then I had work ring to ask me to go in for a catch up meeting - so I naturally catastrophised this into me being sacked and having the house that I don’t even live in yet repossessed 😖
im trying to think of what could help your panic but it’s tricky isn’t it? I think having two things on the go at same time helps a little. For example trashy tv and knitting Walk with music on or a podcast. I recommend ‘true crime brewery’ they are really good to listen to and it’s quite relaxing. I also think being out the house is better for me. Do you drive? Can you drive at the mo? I put loud music on and drive around for a bit sometimes as the concentration required kind of shifts my attention. Hang on in there you are not alone mate xxx

Went for job interview but didn't get it. Applied for another one. Going to leave the applications tomorrow and try to rest. But if I have an afternoon nap then panic sets right back in, just as bad as it was in the morning. It's all a bit crap. It only wears off at 8pm at night. Honestly, I think my bloodstream must be 90% adrenaline at times.

@RamblingawayI am quite good at CBT when I’m not poorly - all goes to the wall otherwise. When I’m well I use mindfulness to manage my anxiety but it feels impossible at the moment while I’m in a deep depression.

I also agree Childhood values really stick, particularly if they are negative. I was taught that depression is for the weak and that haunts me in a special way when I’m down as it suggests I should be able to choose not to be depressed. My parents are a strong contributing factor in my bipolar and I wish I could just erase them and their ‘advice’ from my mind completely. I have however erased them from my life which is the next best thing.