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Original poster

Living with Bipolar

306 replies

TopsyTurvyDays · 24/06/2025 16:52

Named changed and starting a thread just to reach for some understanding I think.

In my 50s, diagnosed a couple of years ago with bipolar when had episode of hympomania. Got back in touch with consultant yesterday as could feel mood lifting (I get more mania than depression). I don’t get euphoria- just angst and misery. Consultant is trying to help me find something more constant I can take to help get enough sleep, as sleeping tablets are addictive and stop working.

I’m just tired and worried and constantly monitoring. Worried I’ll be too much for my friends one day. Worried that I’ve passed on troublesome genes to my kids. Not too worried about my DH as he seems to take it in his stride… looking back I was disguising mild mania with being drunk when we met back in our uni days - so when I fell over the edge, it was all behaviour he’d seen before. We had a worrying couple of days while they ruled out brain tumours etc.

The only people who were mean to me (shouted and screamed) when I slid down the slope into needing an ambulance were my family - siblings and parents. That’s hurt.

I thought I’d imploded my life but actually it’s all gone back to being the same 99%.

I worry for the future. I had an adverse reaction to diazepam and I couldn’t get them to believe me because they thought my behaviour was all the mania. My DH believed me and he got them to believe him.

I worry I won’t be able to drive in the future as we live rurally. But living where we live is part of the reason I held on so long as it’s so peaceful and I love it. Doesn’t work if can’t drive though (lockdown was a taster of what being stuck in house 24/7 was like and it was unbearable for me).

OP posts:
ByLimeAnt · 24/06/2025 21:41

Hi OP, I also have BPAD. Funnily enough I was talking to my CPN about this this afternoon.

One of the things I have found the most difficult to come to terms with is the fact that it's unlikely I will ever be cured. I cycle about every 6 months (used to be 3) and every time I get better I think- that's it, I'm cured and it was just a really bad phase of my life.

I've been round and round the mulberry bush enough now and realise that I can only manage my symptoms and try to head off the cycle as much as I can (I lose insight when I slip, have a brief period of recognition and then lose that and get sectioned).

It sucks. I find it very difficult to hold down a job and have had my licence suspended twice (like you, very rural with no public transport).

What has worked for me is getting exactly the right* *medication. And that took forever. I'm on a bit of a combination including lithium, lamotrigine and high dose of quetiapine (have tendency towards psychosis when unwell). Lithium has been a game changer but I do worry about whether I can cope with it as I get older in terms of renal function.

Best wishes.

Original poster
TopsyTurvyDays · 24/06/2025 21:23

I am on lithium. It does do a great job. But my sleep disturbance continues to be an issue since I tapered off olazapine, which they gave me in hospital. And lack of sleep soon gets me off kilter and heading upwards.

So far, I have tried zopiclone a couple of times. Worked but slowly the sleep issues return. And can only take for few days as it’s addictive and stops working over time.

The consultant has made suggestions when I contacted them yesterday for next options if this course of zopiclone doesn’t work for long.

  1. :Antihistamines such as promethazine or chlorpheniramine. Both can be bought in the chemist.
  2. Low dose sedative antipsychotic medication such as olanzapine 2.5-5mg or quetiapine 25-50mg.

So quetiapine is an option to consider. I cant go back on olazapine,,as I had high cholesterol after taking it when first in hospital and it’s not drop down again since I stopped it.

Thanks so much to everyone for taking the time to reply. It’s really helpful to discuss these things with people who’ve had some similar experience.

Does anyone else worry about the future? My Mum is 80 and doing pretty well even since living on her own after my Dad died - but I’m so worried I’ll have a different experience. I’ve never been very good about living in the here and now and forgetting about the future.

OP posts:
Superscientist · 24/06/2025 19:58

I've found stability on quetiapine. It's been great for regulating my sleep. I've needed other medication in episodes but in between times I take only quetiapine.
What have you tried so far?

Original poster
TopsyTurvyDays · 24/06/2025 17:13

They have said that it is likely perimenopause has had an impact.

My Mum has schizophrenia and a more distant relative has bipolar too. I guess they’re all along a spectrum of mental health conditions and the labels are relevant mostly for treatment options.

I hadn’t heard of schizoaffective disorder. Just had a quick look on the Mind website. How have you found living with it and have you found effective treatment?

OP posts:
CleverQuacks · 24/06/2025 17:12

Have you tried lithium? It’s honestly changed my life. I have bipolar to and the moods were destroying my family. Since lithium I am 99% stable.

zibazee · 24/06/2025 17:07

Could this be because of perimenopause/menopause? My mum got psychotic in her perimenopause years and was sectioned. I have schitzoaffective but I got ill when I was 23. My paternal grandmother had the same.