I would rather die then leave, but I can't cope staying

Leave today. You can do it. Just go and never go back. My mum did it. I did it. You can do it.

Just to say I think shouting at the OP when she is feeling vulnerable and weak is not helpful. The helpful replies are the ones filled with kindness and compassion

From personal experience, your children will hate you for not leaving.

You have the power to protect them & you are choosing not too. They wont forgive you. They are too little to protect themselves, it's your job to protect them.

They wont care why you didn't protect them, just that you didn't. They will grow up scared.

Your worst day is yet to come, it's when you realize that they hold you accountable for your lack of action.

You are as responsible as him for the damage he will cause them.

Go to your parents.
Today.

You've got this , come on we're all behind you and here for support, in time this will be the best decision for you and your kids and you'll look back and be proud that you did this x

Please leave.

We will all pray for you and your children.

Be as brave as you can be. Be as strong as you can be.

Just get out, we beg of you

I will pray for you. 🕯️🕯️🕯️

@Forevertrappedhere Plenty of people do know what you're talking about btw. That's why so many women never leave, and so many children grow up in hell. But there are many women who did leave. They all did it while feeling exactly the way you do now.

Jesus Christ this is one of the saddest things I've ever read on mumsnet. Please rescue your children if you won't rescue yourself. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. 💐

I'll pray for you OP x

WELL DONE!!
You have made that tentative first step.
Let these very experienced women guide you through.

Thinking of you @Forevertrappedhere 🙏

Please leave

Hi@Forevertrappedhere I do understand how you feel, even the relief when he finally hits you after being nice. I have worked in a Womens refuge and seen situations like this where women fear the future without their abuser.
Womens Aid will provide all the support you need to change things for you and your children.
Please listen to the advice and warnings given in previous posts.
If you choose not to leave and Social Services find out, your children will be removed from your care, including your new baby because you are not safeguarding them. Living in the situation you have described is so damaging for children. Even if you don’t leave for yourself, do it to ensure you can keep your children safe and still be their mum.

Dear OP. This is so hard for you. As has been said you are thinking these things about being unable to do it alone and being unworthy of love because he has told you these things. This is coercive control as well as domestic abuse.

You already have the words to call Women's Aid because you have written them down in your posts, so when you call them, you just have to read what you have already written.

They will help you to get a plan. You will need a plan because you will be most in danger from him when you leave. And you will leave, and you will have support and you will have someone to help you through the birth and you will find someone who loves you in time. The fear that these things won't happen is what is keeping you with him and this is completely understandable because he has manipulated you into this.

Phone Women's Aid, they will listen. They will help you have a plan. And if you are ready, they will help you when you call the police. Because what he is doing to you is a crime and every day you are surviving.

I know this is terrifying and you are going to need every little bit of you to make the call, but once you have done that, you will be on the road to a better life. One step at a time.

Firstly find the number.
When you're ready, put the number in your phone under a name beginning with A like Anne or Angela. She's a mum from school if he asks.
When you're next ready, get this thread on your phone or tablet so you can read your posts.
When you're next ready, call the number and read the posts.
You can take your time.
It's OK if you cry.
It's OK if you don't cry.
It will be OK.

One step at a time.
You can do this and we love you xx

Get the fuck out of there.

Silently, unobserved, gather important documents like birth certificates and passports.
When he's next out of the house take your children and go. Forget any things you want to take with you. Just go. Go to your local council, housing or social services. Or ring Women's Aid. There is emergency accommodation for desperate cases.

Yours is a desperate case.

Leave first, safely. Worry about all the rest later.

He’s not going to change.

He is going to kill you.

Probably in front of your children, likely alongside your children.

Op how awful for you. Do your family know he is anything like this? You need to talk to them and start making a plan. Put yourself and your children first. As you know the stress on your unborn baby isn't what you need right now.

If you want to safeguard him, you could speak with a local mental health team to say he may be at high risk if you leave. BUT you owe him nothing. He is an abuser. You must leave and there will be life on the other side although you can't see it now. 36 is still so young!

Hi. As others have said. You are brave. You are strong. You have to deal with this, and deal with it now. If you stay with this man I’m afraid you are also complicit in the abuse on your children.
This is not a ‘ getting your ducks in a row’ situation. You need to leave now.

1. send your children to your sister with lots of clothes on and their coats. If you can pack a bag with their best toys and pyjamas so much the better. Whenyour husband is out -
2. get paperwork. Passports. Your financial info, letters etc. Proof of his income if any. Birth Certificates.
3. Money and Valuables . Take any valuable jewellery and any cash.
4. sentimental - think of anything small and important to you.
5. fill a bag with everyday clothes for you and kids. Remember shoes and coats.
6. medications - any current for you and the children.
7. don’t pack nicely - throw it in a case or bin bag. Don’t even try to take lots of stuff. Most of it is replaceable. Only take essentials and valuables. take your car or a taxi to your sisters and decide where to go from there. Preferably as far as possible. 8)in the taxi call the police and tell them you are running for yours and your children’s safety. Say you feel there will be repercussions. Transfer any money in joint accounts to a sole account or to your sister or parents. Block his number and any media he can contact you through.
8. once safe at your sisters, call your midwife, women’s aid and poss social services and ask for help. If he comes to find you. Call the Police. Hide away. Under no circumstances engage. Take things one day at a time.

This must be. For your children you must be strong and decisive. They deserve so much more and better than this.

I’ll pray for you all OP.

Under this abhorrent and disturbing violence you decide to have another baby with this man. I would get out ASAP. Go to family or friends..

@Forevertrappedhere you don't need him to be with you in labour. He would not be a good advocate anyway. Your sister can be with you, or maybe your mother. Think about bringing your baby into a peaceful, safe world.

Fear is the mind killer. Don't feed it.

Deal with today, and today only.

You need to get out, OP. Think of your children and just take them somewhere safe and sane. Your parents will help you.
Then you can sort your head out, with time and help.

I hope you leave him. I hope he sits alone in an empty house and starves to death. He doesn't deserve your devotion, care or support. He deserves nothing.
Please tell your midwife what is going on, they will take it seriously and support you. 36 is so so young, your life will be amazing when you don't have him in it any more