I would rather die then leave, but I can't cope staying

Please go to your parents' house now while you have the chance. Tell your dad what's been happening - tell everyone who cares about you so that they can support you and keep you safe. Call Women's Aid from their house, and call the police.

This is absolutely horrific. Leave for yourself, leave for your children.

Do you drive? If you do put the children in the car and go to your mum and dad's for the afternoon and just don't go back. For a little bit just focus on you and the kids having a lovely afternoon with your mum and dad. That may get you as far as your parents and there you go, job done.

The man you live with is very damaged and he is going to hurt you and he is going to hurt your children. You feel like you can't leave him because he has manipulated you. You owe him nothing.

All you need to do is take a first step. One tiny step at a time.

I read half of your OP and HRTFT (DH has ADHD and is on the spectrum, your DH's behaviouris is nothing i recognise), and had to reply. I saw a quote the other day saying you eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Could you at least make an initial call to womensaid to open up a dialogue? Your DC can't live their whole lives witnessing daily attacks on their DM. Imagine that does to a child.

This made me cry.

Please protect yourself and your children by leaving immediately. I promise your life will get better when you do. Lots of luck to you ❤️

you have started the process to leave already by posting this and contacting woman’s aid. Follow it through. You are not safe there and it is not going to get better. Do not be one more statistic, do not just be memories for your children, be their mother and you will re find you along the way. Solidarity Sister.

I don't have anything to add to any advice you've been given but wanted to comment to say I'll be thinking of you and your children and checking back to see if you're ok. Please please leave him, he could kill you.

Report him foe hitting you & get him removed by the police, you shouldn't have to leave, he should. Get an appointment with a solicitor to fact find about what you would get if you divorce & speak to Women's Aid. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your dc & unborn dc, you do realise he could one day hit you hard enough to cause you to lose your baby or even your life, with you gone your dc would end up with him & could become his next target?

I was beaten by my first husbsnd for 8 years and left and lived happily ever after. That was 30 odd years ago.
This might encourage you to leave. If you dont leave and social services get involved they will remove your children from your care permanently if you dont break all contact with him.
Im surprised they havent already with an arrest.
Do you want to lose your children?

Come on OP, you can do this. You can. For your children if you cand do it for yourself.

Run to a refuge.

It’s sll him. You Feel weak because he’s out messages in your brain saying you could t cope

its all him. Not you.

I can see that you're trying to help OP and that's great. But it takes immense courage to leave and the OP will be at her most vulnerable. Abusers hate losing control and it can be very dangerous to leave without a plan. She may not be able to get everything or even just the keys, go to the car and drive away. Let's see what Women's Aid say and help her as much as we can.

I would trust them, @Forevertrappedhere .
What you are going through is very far from normal - he is a vicious man.

Change is hard- but you have to face change- freedom awaits if you follow the Women's Aid help- the alternative is death at the hands of this vile abusive little shit.

You are lucky in having a supportive family- they will be on your side, you won't be ''alone''.

Your children will thank you for it.

They make you feel like you couldn’t cope. That’s why. That’s nothing on you. That shows how truly evil he is

if you’re closest friend or family member came and told your story to you. What would your advice be?

I work in search and rescue and we come across women and men who either leave or the people who are frightened of them who leave and get lost or go to commit suicide

please ring women’s charities. You don’t have to do it overnight. But please start the ball rolling if only for your fanily

ehar if he starts on your children next?

OP, you are none of those things. It is important you leave. If you can’t do it for yourself you MUST do it for your children. What happens if they think this is a good model of behaviour? Or if he starts abusing them? Please take advantage of all the support you have, take your children and go. And contact the police.

You sound severely trauma bonded to him and (in time) I think need some really good therapy to unpick it all.he sounds an absolute piece of work. Well done on making steps to get away.

You KNOW you need to leave. Try and see the “I need him, he needs me etc” thoughts as a psychological reaction to the abuse, your brains way of making sense of the hell you’re going through. Something you need to recover from. Keep making steps to leave and know you’re doing the right thing for you and your DC.

have you read Lundy Bancroft “why does he do that?” Available as a pdf online for free if you Google.

You need to leave before he kills you. It's as stark and simple as that.

If he chooses to kill himself, well that's on him.

You say you can’t leave because he wouldn’t cope without you.

Two questions. And two answers.

Why is this your concern? - you have other peoples lives to worry about.

What did he do before you came into his life? - he survived, that’s what he did.

This is one of the most distressing things I’ve ever read on here.

I can’t offer advice but just to say I’m thinking of you and wishing you the strength to do the right thing and get the hell out of there.

She needs to leave right now. This very minute. The children are being looked after by her sister. She’s in the house alone. There will never be a better time.

JUST GO NOW @Forevertrappedhere

Just get in your car and drive to your mum and dad’s house. Tell your sister to bring your children there. Do not go home ever again. Block him on all media and do not interact with him at any level.

Just to add - you absolutely can do this. All that matters right now is you and your children. They and you deserve a happy and healthy you and a future where you are all safe.
People like this are unpredictable and there is nothing to say he can’t escalate and it come out of nowhere.
When you get time, please look up the domestic abuse homicide timeline by Professor Monckton Smith. He is well on his way. I don’t say this to scare you, I say it to encourage you to think of the right thing. You don’t have to have all of the answers now. All that matters as I say, is safety.

Well done OP... we're here with you

You say you have a supportive family.
Tell them.. go to them today then call womens aid.. today! Not tomorrow.. but today.
My ex was like this.. he ended up throwing me under a bus.. he's still in jail now for attempted murder .
I'm severely disabled as a result.
30 years plus I've had to have psychiatric help.
Please please please don't be me .
Good luck.

If you can't leave for you, leave for your children.

and show your sister this thread. So she knows what is going on and how scared you are.