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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
suedonim · 28/10/2004 00:02

Hope you're MSNing someone Spacecadet (sorry, I'm not up to speed on MSN!) and will be okay until morning. Take care.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 27/10/2004 23:56

Just checking back in, am around for at least another hour, have also sent you a message via CAT.

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:52

How are you feeling now, Spacecadet?

PuffTheMagicDragon · 27/10/2004 23:30

Spacecadet, am disappearing for 10 mins but will be back shortly.

I've read through the whole thread and think you are an AMAZING person who DESERVES to be well again.

When you see your GP tomorrow, please ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. Don't be scared - they will be interested only in helping you to get well again.

Back soon.

MummyToSteven · 27/10/2004 23:26

my msn is [email protected]

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:25

The brain-in-overdrive syndrome is just awful, I really sympathise. It feels like a Grand Prix circuit in your head, doesn't it? And no matter how hard you try, it will not switch off, it just leaps from one thing to another.

MummyToSteven · 27/10/2004 23:25

if you do try and get to sleep, what worked best for me when trying to stop the racing thoughts was to shut things out of my mind by counting down from 1,000 to try and get to sleep and just focussing on the numbers (sort of like counting sheep without the sheep!).

essbee · 27/10/2004 23:22

Message withdrawn

MummyToSteven · 27/10/2004 23:22

i think PMD is right - that there seems to have been a lot of diagnosing going on, by HVS/GPS/CPNs whilst you would benefit from more expert input from a psychiatrist. a psychiatrist may also be able to get you some form of priority referral for CBT or start you off on some appropriate self-help techniques yourself

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:21

Okay, I understand, I think it's a similar system here nowadays.

What do you do to unwind, usually? Warm bath? A mug of hot milk? Listening to soothing music? Any of those help?

PuffTheMagicDragon · 27/10/2004 23:20

Spacecadet, it usually goes quiet on here around 11.30pm, but I am happy to stay up for a couple of hours and be on here if you need someone.

I can understand some of what you are going through from personal experience, but not all.

Has there been any mention of you being referred to an actual psychiatrist, with CPN meetings in between?

Given how much distress you are in I don't understand why you haven't been referred to one.

Psychiatrists (generally) are so much more knowledgeable about appropriate medication for mental health problems and seeing one may get to the heart of the matter more quickly.

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:19

I dont know i am exhausted but my mind wont switch off this is how all this started a few weeks ago but with worries about my own heaklth, I hadnt got better after all just switched worries.

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:17

my gps are not on call after hours round here, you have to phone camdoc and they take houre to phone back and then they usually tell you to go to hospital, they wont visit you cos they are based at a centre, I would be better off seeing my own gp in the morning

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:16

Could you sleep now, do you think?

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:15

Yes but i am so tired

suedonim · 27/10/2004 23:14

Do you want me to call your Dr now, Spacecadet? I'm happy to do that and I'm going to be around for the next 30-45mins or so.

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:14

He wants someone to wave a magic wand and make it all better but hes not the only one

nikcola · 27/10/2004 23:14

u ok spacecadetx

essbee · 27/10/2004 23:12

Message withdrawn

Spacecadet · 27/10/2004 23:10

Ii have taken down samaritans number, thanks.Afterds2 was born i developed pnd and i became obessive about hygeine etc wouldnt let anyone hold ds or go near him, worried that people might not hold him properly or that dh might shake him, dissappeared into a world of my own , was working with pnd mums at the time and never realised there was anything wrong with me until ds was 8 months old, by which time I had alienated everyone around me

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:10

and take dd with you?

MummyToSteven · 27/10/2004 23:10

but you could ring for a taxi to A & E.

is there anyway you could scrape together enough money for CBT - say 12 sessions at £50 per session? i can try and help you find private CBT -have been down this road myself. the advantage of dealing with someone who is very experienced in OCD is that you know that they will understand - i can identify with the fear of people thinking you have done something that you haven't - i think that is also part of the OCD anxiety

am sorry that your dh isn't being supportive at the moment. could your CPN talk to him and try and explain things more to him - that you are ill at the moment, and feeling very unhappy. this is not your fault. you will get better.

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:09

yes esbee, what a good idea. would you do that spacecadet? get a cab now?

nikcola · 27/10/2004 23:09

do you want somoeone to phone your doctor for you hunny xxxx

Branster · 27/10/2004 23:08

please don't worry about them thinking you would have hurt dd. I mean they would see her and she looks fine etc. They would have seen similar cases and know how serious it is and how it all works... would you not have a speedier response from doctors if you phoned the emergency number now? don't worry about DH, he'll very soon realise how serious all is and will have to be more supportive.