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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
agy · 15/10/2004 18:23
Grin
Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 18:19

I think it is suppose to release the old endorphins which make you feel good, pity they can't just invent a pill full of those!

OP posts:
agy · 15/10/2004 18:16

That's a good idea. I love walking - don't know why.

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 18:15

It's amazing really to think that all this could stem from what was nothing more than a virus

OP posts:
Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 18:14

Yes I think Trying to sleep in the day just upsets the routine, I am going to try and go to bed at the same time everynight , have awarm bath etc. What panics me is the way I feel, I feel like I'm in a trance and can't snap out of it. I can't focus on anything properly and half the time I feel like I'm dreamung. My gp says this is down to not having enough deep sleep as opposed to dream sleep. Ttrouble is when I go to bed I can't relax cos My mind wont switch off. Because I'm frightened of the way I feel im taking it out on everyone else, mainly the kids. I'm always snappy and irritable. I don't want to keep taking sleepping tabs cos after just 3 nights they are already not working as well and I need to teach myself to go to sleep and stay asleep. Tomorrow I am going to get dh to come for a short walk with me if the weather is not to awful.

OP posts:
agy · 15/10/2004 16:48

I know its hard, but try to ignore the panicky feeling. Try to work through your normal routine. Not loads of housework (!) but usual cooking and doing things. Sometimes just getting on with something physically can calm the panic down. Its probably best not to sleep in the day, so that you can try to get back to a good night's sleep.

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 16:09

That's what I'm doing just taking it one day at a time. D h will be here tomorrow but he always works sundays never mind

OP posts:
spook · 15/10/2004 15:26

Oh I'm so sorry. Sometimes the olds just don't get it do they? You are just going to have to take this one day at a time and in a few days you should notice your fog is lifting. It will happen I promise you.6 months ago just the thought of even 5 minutes of happiness was alien to me. Now I have more good days than bad. I am thinking of you. And it's the weekend now and DH will be aorund to help take the pressure off you a bit.

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 15:15

Spoke to my mum about going to Wales but she said its not agood idea because dd still wakes in the night and she said it would disturb my step dad who has to get up for work. thanks a lot mum! she hasnt been brilliant about the depression she just wants me to get over it and get better. I have tried to have some sleep but to no avail, ended up getting up, feel really panicky and hands shaking.My life feels like a waking nightmare at the moment

OP posts:
spook · 15/10/2004 13:54

Hello honey. Never did get on my walk yet. Have got guests all week so just had to do monster supermarket shop. My poor hound is pacing the floor. You know you've done it. Pre-school drop off and pick up. WELL DONE!! Surreal though it may feel you did it.Another day under your belt.The only thing that kept me going wqas my boys. I had no choice to be up and at 'em for their sakes. Thank God.
Please think about going to Wales. It will not only give you a focus and something to look forward to but I'm sure it will help you clear your head just a little. You don't need to step outside the house on your own. You can step outside with your mum. XXXXX

agy · 15/10/2004 13:25

I know. Really hope you feel better when you up the dose. At least you know what it is, and it will pass. You're not weird!

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 12:17

Did you enjoy your walk spook?

OP posts:
Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 12:13

Im glad you told me who you are agy, I was a bit confused by your name change!!( not difficult to confuse me at the mo) Just went up to pre-school and while I was there had those unreal feelings, probably because I was thinking about it, which has suddenly made me realise that it is daefinately linked to panic. I feel safe at home, but as soon as I step out the door the unreal feelings kick in because I start thinking about it and I think If I think about feeling out of it enough, I WILL feel out of it, I really think I need to start getting out more, then I might sleep at night and therefore wont feel dazed in the morming and might stop feeling so out of it. If only it was so easy to put into practice

OP posts:
agyorputthemousedown · 15/10/2004 12:03

Half term's coming up - a holiday could be good!

yoyo · 15/10/2004 11:46

Head for Wales as soon as you feel able to. Your mum probably wouldn't mind helping out at night if she could see the good it will do you. Do you still have friends there? Just breaking the routine and being in a place you love will be so good for you.

agy · 15/10/2004 11:44

Now that's confusing for you! I'd found myself a proper name at last but I've slipped back to my old one! LOL Oh well!

agy · 15/10/2004 11:42

I know. At least having to take and fetch ds means you have to get out and that will help. Apart from doing that, and going for quiet walks if you can, just be good to yourself while you wait for the tabs to kick in.

agy · 15/10/2004 11:39

Yes, cipralex is the one they give for anxiety. They hadn't invented that when I had this! Did have that unreal feeling, sort of like I was distant(!), for quite a while on and off. But you've got cipralex - it won't take so long for you.

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 11:36

I have to venture out to get ds from pre-school, am absolutely terrified! I am so inpatient, my p[rob is that i want to get better straight away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 11:03

Putthemousedown, how long did it take before your feelings of unreality got better? The gp says that they are caused by anxiety not depression and says I need to get the anxiety under control, which is why he prescribed Cipralex, he says it is good for anxiety, at the moment I feel ten times worse but I am just holding in to that thought that it will pass.

OP posts:
putthemousedown · 15/10/2004 10:48

I love Wales too.

putthemousedown · 15/10/2004 10:41

I was scared to go out! Heart used to race and I'd feel so shaky! You've got it just like I had. Its hard to make yourself do it I know but fresh air and exercise can help. I could only walk locally - couldn't go on a bus - too scary! You will get through it, I did but it took some time tbh.

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 15/10/2004 10:12

Thanks spook, i may consider going just for the change of scenary, long walks by the sea might be the thing that helps me sleep at night. I have just had a damn good cry, not really about anything in particular but because i needed to, cuddled dd close while i did it

OP posts:
spook · 15/10/2004 09:58

I have to go out now but I will be back in an hour or so to check in on you. Hang on in there and snuggle that babies head for a while {{{{{}}}}}

spook · 15/10/2004 09:57

Honey. Even if you had to get up in the night you could rest during the day if your mum is there??Sometimes to get away from everything-especially if that is where you're happiest could do you so much good. I was constantly on the move when things were very bad for me. Couldn't stay in these 4 walls. Why don't you have a serious think about going? Those walks on the beach and a bit of mother love could be just what you need whe you're ing for your AD's to settle you.