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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
agy · 23/10/2004 13:33

Panic does cause dizziness SC. A lot of your blood goes to nourish internal organs ready for flight so not much left over for brain! Its nothing to be alarmed about, but a nuisance I know.

MummyToSteven · 23/10/2004 13:10

Hi spacecadet, glad that you have reached a more accurate diagnosis, and hopefully the CPN can give you more info about treatments for PTSD. There's a treatment called EMDR (cant' remember what it stands for) which you might be interestd in googling which is to do with trying to help you "process" the experiences properly - I think there are theories that PTSD is partly to do with you shutting down when experiencing traumatic experiences, and that you need to completley process the experience to reduce anxiety/flashback symptoms

Hope that you are managing to get a bit more sleep, and sorry that you are still feeling anxious.

Take care
x

Spacecadet · 23/10/2004 11:15

I half wonder if thre dizziness is caused by panic

mumwithnoname · 23/10/2004 11:00

Hi, I know what its like to feel a constant sense of panic, it will get better honest!! Think you'll find cbt hard at first-i did, but it does teach you coping stratergies (if not how to spell them!!!) which are very hard to use at first but get easier with practice. The meds help too.I think what i need to learn now is not to beat myself up each time i have a few bad days, because depression is an illness just like any other and we don't beat ourselves up about having flu!!!Take care xx

Spacecadet · 23/10/2004 09:16

And my fingers are all over the place on the keyboard!!!!

Spacecadet · 23/10/2004 09:15

It is funny because I always thought that this wasnt pnd as such, I had it mildly after ds2 and it didnt feel like this, its a relief to know whats wrong me really and I am hopoing that tuesday appt will be the way forward.I just wish I didnt feel so scared all the time, I am scared of my own shadow!!The panic I really need to address because its what led to thios iniatially.I dont feel so good today as I am tired and as per usual my head is syill in that box.

mykidsmum · 22/10/2004 23:15

Hi spacecadet

I am truely plesed that you have received a proper diagnosis as i was certain you were not suffeing from PND the symptoms and causes are very different and hence the treatments. I know since my post you have been advised against hypnotherapy due to flashbacks, IMO if you have not dealt with past traumas it can be difficult to move on, whilst I accept hypnotherapy doesn't suit everyone it can be a very good way of helping you to cope with the symptoms you are feeling now. Please do not discredit these ways of dealing with your emotions without looking into them, from my personal expereince it has been very beneficial. Sending you lots of positive vibes for your meeting with your CPn
Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxx

miam · 22/10/2004 22:51

That's great! Will you let me know how you get on - I'm really interested in CBT and I'm sure your experience of it could help lots of us. Obviously selfish motives involved here!!! Mind you, one aspect of CBT is helping others - so you can regard the passing on of tips as all part of your therapy!

Spacecadet · 22/10/2004 22:27

Yes I suppose they do agy!!! Miam I am seeing a cpn, starting tuesday.Hurrah!!

agy · 22/10/2004 22:09

"Normal" people do stress about their health when they've had a sudden out-of-the-blue health scare - because its so scary! That is normal.

miam · 22/10/2004 22:06

So glad you have had a proper diagnoses sc. Hopefully now things will improve for you. Will you be seeing a therapist for CBT or will you be trying it on your own? It should definately help with your feelings of anxiety. You really sound much more positive, which is great. xx

Spacecadet · 22/10/2004 21:59

My hv visited today and apologized profusely for my misdiagnosis. she says that without a doubt I am suffering from Post traumatic stress disorder and not Pnd.She said it is easy to confuse the 2 and she is sorry the meds made me worse, she thinks that My major improvement will come with cbt.felt dizzy today though and immediately started panicking that it was something more serious, this is the cycle I need to break, normal people do not constantly obsess about their health in the way that I do.

kkgirl · 22/10/2004 21:25

Glad to hear it, mwnn. Its quite worrying that you go to your GP because things are so bad, and then the medication can be wrong, and you can end up feeling worse.

mumwithnoname · 22/10/2004 18:26

I also had trouble with Prozac which was made worse when I went back to my GP and she decided that I needed a higher dose and doubled it!! Needless to say I was in quite a mess for a while!. Now on Cipralex and think I've got my life back!

mumwithnoname · 22/10/2004 18:25

I also had trouble with Prozac which was made worse when I went back to my GP and she decided that I needed a higher dose and doubled it!! Needless to say I was in quite a mess for a while!. Now on Cipralex and think I've got my life back!:0

kkgirl · 22/10/2004 18:10

Sc

Hi. Good that the doctor has realised that the medication isn't correct, and sorry to hear about the symptoms you are experiencing. Once they get you onto a suitable tablet, things should start to settle down. My dad went onto Prozac, which for some people has been amazing, but it didn't suit him, and he was desperate, and it really messed him up.

Anyway it won't be for ever, it will take a while to climb back up, but you have a lot of courage, and you should be proud of yourself. Take care, I do feel for you, and wish I could do something to help

Spacecadet · 22/10/2004 17:44

When oh when will the box come off my head, i hope i wont feel like this for ever.

Spacecadet · 22/10/2004 14:05

Well today, I no longer feel as depressed as the Gp thinks the diazapam was making me down. however I have the head in a perspex box syndrome which is making me feel horrible , Gp says it could be coming off the diazapam so I have to give it a week, if it doeasnt get better, its anxiety, but I cant live my life like this its horrible , i am cal,ming myself down quite succesfully everytime I get panicky though, I do feel dizzy today.

Spacecadet · 21/10/2004 20:59

You are doing the right thing lonelymum, looking to the future to something that will give you pleasure will in turn make you feel better.

Lonelymum · 21/10/2004 20:38

Mine is a long term, day to day thing SC so in one way I don't feel better, but in another way I do because I am making plans to take my family to Paris for the New Year (just a day or two) even though we can't afford it. I just want to have something to look forward to, life is for the living, etc etc. It really lifts me to be doing something proactive.

Spacecadet · 21/10/2004 11:08

I have actuall y posted Titania, in an attempt to advise her, a bit like the blind leading the blind really!!Do you get feel any better today lonelymum? Thanks for the link mts will check that out. ido have a sheila kitzinger childbirth book, at least I will until I sell it!! She does speak about ptsd and says that in her experience, drugs are not always a good idea but counselling. i suppose the way forward will be when I see the cpn next week.

Lonelymum · 21/10/2004 10:19

Sorry to hear of your sad past SC. I am out of my depth here but the thought that occurs to me is that you must remember that those events are in the past and your future lies ahead of you. Have you spoken to Titania on Mumsnet before? She has posted about very similar experiences as you only recently, and it might help you both to talk to each other.

MummyToSteven · 21/10/2004 09:40

Just a quick one as am running late as usual(!)

url for a useful website about distinction between PND and PTSD www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

(as the name indicates, it focuses on traumatic birth, rather than other traumatic experiences but you might find the comments about PTSD treatment useful).

i know that a previous poster has suggested hypnotherapy but I am concerned that would be too stressful for you in general as could trigger flashbacks.

will post more later

Spacecadet · 21/10/2004 09:19

Would like to add that when my baby died it wasnt classed as a stillbirth but a miscarriage because the age of viability was 28 weeks in those days, so they took him away and I never even got to have a funeral.

Spacecadet · 21/10/2004 09:16

Thankyou everyone for your lovely advice!I didnt sleep well last night but then I didnt expect to. dh is off work today which is nice. No I didnt have counselling for my babys death, but I did have therapy regarding my dreadful chilhood. i then put it behind me and thought that if I turned into supermum I could forget everything that happened. therefore, became chairperson of pre-school committee, ran an out of catchment bus service to the local secondary school, held down a job as a nurse.When I came out of hospital, I was in Tesco the next day, "look at me" I was thinking, I am such a perfect mother I am doing my shopping just 3 days after giving birth with all my children in tow inc new dd.I was so dtermined that I was not going to let myself slip in any way, that I carried on as normal, no I was not going to lounge around the sofa in my dressing gown like normal new mums, in the first few days, I was going to becleaning the house. T he midwife was always shocked when she came to find me dressed, with full make up on!No wonder I got a dreadful virus, it was my bodies way of begging me to slow down. Y es I am definately traumatized by my hospital stay, being told I had something life threatening was the most terrifying experience of my life.Especially when I was admitted to my place of work to the ward where I had witnessed people die of pulmonary embolisms after major surgery.Is definately this that I need to address with the cpn, this appt cant come soon enough. Tonight I am suppose to be taking ds1 to open evening at his prospective secondary school, the thought fills me with dread.