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Original poster

How do i sort my life out

38 replies

theoffice · 11/10/2004 07:08

I drink to much, so much so i think i am an alcoholic. i cant stop. I am scared to ask for help in case SS take my kids off me.

I feel I cant cope with myself or my emotions. My kids deserve better than me. All i ever wanted was to have children to love and cherish, but I am not a good mum. I feel selfish and resentful of them and the life i have got.

I really need to sort myself out but i dont know where to start

OP posts:
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catgirl · 25/01/2005 14:19

well done! Life sounds good for you now. I didn't contribute to your original thread, but wanted to say well done now!

Original poster
theoffice · 25/01/2005 14:14

hello, I just thought I would update any of you who are intrerested

After posting this, I stopped drinking and then started again, but managed to cut down before christmas. Then after christams I have drank very little and managed to control my drinking to maybe one or two glasses of wine twice a week, which is quite amazing. I feel so much better and if I do have even a small drink now I get a blazing headache ! I am losing weight and I am getting really organised. i still havent had any counselling, GP said the waiting list is long, but tbh I think i am dealing with alot of issues myself. My husband has stopped drinking as much now and pulls me up whenever he thinks I am going to finish the bottle of wine off, which I do still want to do but know that I dont want to, if that makes sense!

I know it is early days but I really think I have beaten it this time and a life without any drink at all, I could cope with.

Thanks for all your help, it really helped writing it down and acknowledging i had a problem and tbh even now it disgusts me what i used to do to myself

OP posts:
yurtgirl · 20/10/2004 13:24

Message withdrawn

WigWamBam · 18/10/2004 14:15

That's fantastic news, theoffice, you are so brave to have gone out to find the help you need. I'm so glad that your dh is being supportive of you, I hope he is being sensitive enough to keep the alcohol out of the house too.

Well done, I admire your strength.

Original poster
theoffice · 18/10/2004 13:13

Thank you everyone for your messages. i have seen my GP and he has reffered me for counselling.

I have not had a drink since i posted this thread. i think although I was drinking too much, posting that I think i have a problem has made me take positive steps to deal with my problems before turning to drink.

I feel so much better and my house is very tidy! I have also taked at length with my husband about this and he is supporting me with my emotional problems.

Sorry to be so vague, but thanks to everyone for your support

OP posts:
anorak · 18/10/2004 10:49

Please post, theoffice. People here are worried about you and I think you should at least say something, even if it's thanks, but no thanks.

yurtgirl · 14/10/2004 19:51

Message withdrawn

anorak · 14/10/2004 16:43

Theoffice...are you hiding from this thread?

anorak · 13/10/2004 16:27

Theoffice...how are things? Did you go to the doc's?

MUMINAMILLION · 11/10/2004 22:57

anorak xxxxx you are such a strong person. My admiration for you grows with each new thing I learn about you.

theoffice - I can't add any more to what has been said. Your first step needs to be your doctor. From my understanding of these situations, it seems that you have to really hit rock bottom before things improve. And the improving begins when you realise you need help, then go about accepting it. You are at that stage now, and that is so positive. Help is there for you, you just have to grab it. I hope you are ok tonight and keep posting to let us know how you are. This is a fabulous place for support, use it as much as you can. xx

yurtgirl · 11/10/2004 21:24

Message withdrawn

anorak · 11/10/2004 20:35

Thank you for asking yurtgirl, she has been quite easy to get along with of late and had demonstrated some quite sensible behaviour in awkward circumstances. Things are calm and I am hoping we will work up to communicating more in the forthcoming weeks. Sorry theoffice but as you might know she is watching the boards and a comment on your thread is more likely to go unnoticed than if I post on my own thread! Thanks for your indulgence.

yurtgirl · 11/10/2004 20:19

Message withdrawn

tammybear · 11/10/2004 20:17

hi theoffice - i dont have anything useful to say but just wanted to say well done for taking the first step. you will and already have got lots of advice and support from here. xxx

yurtgirl · 11/10/2004 20:15

Message withdrawn

Slink · 11/10/2004 19:35

the office hi just read this thread, really sorry you are feeling really low, and agree with the others you have made a great start by just chatting on here. Maybe away from mums net you could engage with someone and feel able to open up, you just need to talk to spmeone problem shared and all.
I don't know the stem of your probs but was reading the last message about maybe parents well i can relate to that i am going throough some crap myself in brief: my dad has remarried whilst married to my mum all his family think it is great my mum has been leaving him for the last yr each one of my sisters is taking it really bad i am everyones sounding board incl my dads which is hard mil lives with me, i am her carer trying to do best by dd and dh and sil are shit help..............

see i feel just a little better put the drink down talk, get rid of all the bottles in the house go to AA get someone to go with you gook luck love slinkxxxxxx

anorak · 11/10/2004 18:36

The fact that you love your dh and kids so much tells me that the pain that drives you to drink is from the past. That's a good thing! It's much easier to deal with than something that's ongoing! You have a fantastic dh and kids to help you get through.

And from what you said in your email it sounds like the past is the problem - parents? Oh, parents, how they f**k you up!!

But you can get over the damage they do. Believe it! You are talking to someone who has done just that.

Original poster
theoffice · 11/10/2004 18:31

that is why I have posted anorak, I am miserable now, I cant carry on like this. I hate being ill too, so would like to avoid it not inflict it on myself.

I dont want my children to hate me, or my husband. They are my world and I love them to death but I just feel I am spiralling. That is not good for them or for me.

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agy · 11/10/2004 18:28

You're right theoffice, your children do need you. and you're making a good first step tomorrow. Good luck.

anorak · 11/10/2004 18:25

theoffice, you don't need to fear death to fear a life dogged by illness and a family who are ashamed of you.

I remember my mother suffering from the following:

jaundice
fatty cysts
bronchitis
asthma
heavy periods leading to hysterectomy
migraine
arthritis
insomnia
overactive thyroid
depression
agrophobia

That is just what I can remember without thinking too hard. Most of these illnesses were chronic and/or recurring. She was admitted to hospital more times than I can count. She had several operations. She tried to commit suicide several times. Each time her family had to sit at her bedside and be insulted by nursing staff whom she had told we did not care about her and that was why she was as she was.

Maybe she would have had such poor health if she hadn't been an alcoholic. What do you reckon?

It took her 25 years to drink herself to death, 25 years of misery. Maybe she wasn't afraid of death either. There are worse things. Like never living.

Original poster
theoffice · 11/10/2004 18:13

paying private is out of the question too, I'm afraid

OP posts:
Original poster
theoffice · 11/10/2004 18:12

Thank you everyone for your messages, especially you anorak, you have made me cry yet again! Yes the drinking has got worse in the last 4 months. Escalated quite quickly too and I am frightened that it will carry on escalating iykwim. I realise my problems are very deep rooted and that alcohol is not the 'only' problem.

I just want to be 'me' again. I dont like who I am and what I have or are becoming. I dont fear death, which is most probably why I drink so excessively. My children dont deserve this and neither do my family.

I am going to pop into my doctors tommorrow and ask for a referal to a therapist/counsellor. I need to do this, my children NEED me.

I feel so crap, honestly.

OP posts:
MummyToSteven · 11/10/2004 17:16

yes, agree with anorak. the problem (hopefully) isn't getting your GP to refer you to a psychotherapist, the problem will be the size of the waiting list, which will vary from area to area. it is also possible to arrange to see a psychotherapist privately, which does not always require a GP referal. Likely cost £35-£50 per session.

anorak · 11/10/2004 17:14

A good GP would refer you straight away but there might be a waiting time for appointments. My dh wanted a therapist and there was a 6 week waiting list for him so he went private.

beachyhead · 11/10/2004 17:11

will most gp's pass you through to a psychotherapist quite quickly? Does anyone know? I'm asking really on behalf of theoffice as once you have taken the first step, you really want the process to flow quite quickly.

good luck the office - you've started on the right road now