how to help? please...

Hi vict17. AD's are not a cure for depression, unfortunately. But they do help manage it, and can get someone over a really bad spell. I think if someone is prone to depression, there is always the tendency that it will reappear. However, there are very very good therapies these days which are extremely effective at keeping the depression under control and at bay. I think the therapies are something that have to be constantly worked at, but it becomes easier with time (and practice) to use the tactics necessary to manage the depression.

I think you have been given very good advice by everyone. If BIL doesnt want you to know about his problem (a common sympton of depression incidentally) then all you can do is be there for your sister when she needs you. She will be really glad of the support.

Good question unicorn. My sister had a ventouse delivery, followed by a horrendous infection which led to her being re-stitched, she had to stay in hospital for 2 weeks after her ds was born because it took the midwives that long to realise that there was something seriously wrong, she could barely walk and was in severe pain but had to get her ds out of the hospital's high perspex cot to feed him and change him all through the night after her dh had been sent home. My dad eventually made them get a consultant in who restitched her. The main cause of my bil's depression seems to be a feeling of worthlessness - he feels he isn't a good father/husband etc even though he's brilliant at both. He has a tradesman job and feels that his life is unworthy because he doesn't read weighty books for example.

Sorry, I guess "Can Ads be a cure for depression then?" is a pretty dumb question since the term anti-depressants suggests they are a cure? I just wondered if both my BIL and my sister are most likely to have to take them for the rest of their lives?

sorry - didn't read about the kids properly.
Was the birth difficult/ traumatic?

All I would say,(again without knowing enough) is that having kids can set off a whole chain of events in a person/relationship.

The sooner this is acknowledged and treated- the better.
And don't for a minute think your BIL is the only one experiencing this sort of thing...it happens a lot.

Thanks unicorn. Yes there is one ds, 6 and 1/2 months, hence the post natal depression. Can Ads be a cure for depression then? How long can it take? Will it be a lifetime thing but sometimes it will be more manageable than others?

Vict17/pharlap.. Are there any kids involved?

I think YOU can only do what you are already trying to ie be there, and help a much as you personally can.
(MTS obviously has good, sensible advice)

Without knowing everything it is very difficult for anyone to make assumptions about another persons state of mental health.

Obviously you are worried, and concerned,and I think you need to be there for your sister at the moment.

ps- Depression can be treated - it just takes time, and the right combination of therapy and or drugs.

Wishing you all the best.

sorry cover blown was using other nickname in case any one recognises me but hopefully they wont. Sorry for the deption, I'm not new to mumsnet but very scared about this.

Thanks both of you. MTS - I'm not sure what my BIL has - is clinical depression when you have it some of the time but not all of the time? He managed several months without AD's but then went downhill again. My sister has post natal depression although I think it might have been under the surface before her ds was born. BIL went to see a counsellor this week which seemed to trigger something off and he went rapidly downhill, couldn't get out of bed afterwards. I've never known anything as bad in any of my relatives or friends so feel very scared at the moment. He was so bad he rang my sister and told her he needed to go away for a few days but his sister went and got him from the car park and took him home and they managed to persuade him to stay at home and get more help. Since then I think psychiatric nurses have been to visit and his gp.

hello and welcome to pharlap. you might find the depression alliance website useful - here's a link to their page on suggestions for friends and families of those who suffer depression:-

www.depressionalliance.org/docs/help/friends_and_family.html

For some people the first AD they try will work, and they will feel a lot better within a couple of months. Other people may need to try several ADs before they find ones that will work, or may not be able to tolerate ADs very well. So it is basically impossible to say how easy or difficult it will be for your sister and her husband to overcome their depression, and how likely it is to recur. I think it is best for you and them to keep an open, but optimistic mind as to what the future may hold.

Counselling and psychotherapy can also be helpful for depression; NHS psychotherapy waiting lists tend to be very very long for outpatients tho.

In terms of helping them; if you can visit or speak to your sister privately on the phone that may help her get things off her chest; if her and/or her husband aren't willing to discuss their problems with you, i would just make it clear that the "door is always open" so to speak, and keep in regular contact, so that they don't feel abandoned, and be very keen to emphasize anything positive they are achieving, even if that is just booking and attending the next GP appointment.

Generally if you do discuss your sister/her husband's feelings in any detail, I think that you need to emphasize that feelings of hopelessness/worthlessness are a symptom of the disease, not the reality, and that there is hope out there for them. Easier said than done, I know.

Other thing to bear in mind is:- is it actually Clinical Depression that your sister and/or DH suffer from - I have assumed it is, just that ADs are used to treat other things, such as eating and anxiety disorders.

Take care
x

really sorry to hear this pharlap. Have suffered with depression myself but have never had to deal with anyone else's I'm afraid. Just be there if she wants to talk and maybe invite them (or just her) for a stay?
Sorry - not much use I know but I'm sure someone helpful will be along soon. Welcome to MN by the way!