How did you decide which surname to use?

We didn't give our children our surnames, we gave them a new surname that we liked, its a bit confusing for some people as they think we adopted our best friends children.

It was in my wedding vows that any issue would have the father's surname (and should be brought up to be decent citizens!), not a problem for me as I wanted to change to DH's name anyway. I like that we all have the same surname.

(DS also has the same middle name as his dad, his grandad and his great grandad - no idea if it goes further back beyond that. Unfortunately he's not that keen on it, but his middle name rarely gets noted anywhere so it doesn't really matter.)

All the unmarried couples I know well have used the fathers surname for their children.

The only people I’ve come across who used the mother’s surname are those who were not in stable relationships and assumed the father wasn’t going to hang around for long.

Any child with a different surname to the father would be assumed to be someone else’s child which is why everyone uses the father’s surname.

Clearly that isn’t the case everywhere based on earlier comments on this thread but is almost 100% followed in social circles I have experienced.

And it's still not a thing now because women don't do it. "Hubby has a nicer name" " I hated my dad" "My name is too difficult to spell/pronounce" "it was important to hubby to keep his name going"

So weird how these issues never seem to crop up for men right?

We were married but we used both surnames for dc. Used mine as a middle name (so no hyphen) and surname is DH’s.

Luckily - we were able to use both for our DD! Proper posh innit. ;-)

@Chamallo , I know 2 men who changed their surname when they got married. One had a regular, pleasant surname (and first name) but his bride had an unusual and rather fabulous one, the other one had an 'unfortunate' surname that he didn't want his children to have.

I first realised at the pharmacy when picking up medication for her, so DDs name is Rosie Smith Jones (not real name!) mine is “Smith” and her prescriptions will be under J, instead of S, even though it should be under S but in the UK they usually drop the first surname which sadly I realised the hard way! So my advice would be to hyphenate if using two surnames or yours will disappear.

Even if you hyphenate, the first of the two often gets dropped, but with Rosie Smith Jones the Smith will be treated as a middle name.
'Smith Jones' type surnames are not common in the UK, and will probably get a hyphen inserted when you insist on both.

A friend has a family middle name and passed it on to her children, and people often put in a hyphen.

I have a double-barrelled name and if anything, people are more likely to drop the second part, but even that's rare. Its never caused any problems except I have to remember that certain automatic check in desks at the airport don't like the hyphen. That's a once a year problem.

I didn't take my husband's name and our kids have half of mine, plus his, double barrelled. It works.

I was pregnant and carried the baby and had the baby - so the baby got my name

i don’t want to have a different name to my kids

All took DH’s name.

Both.

But we're married. If we hadn't been married, like a pp I might well have gone for mine only. So if you're not married I'd just go for mine, if you are and really can't decide maybe just toss a coin.

To be fair I also know of one man who changed his name (from a very common Irish name to a quite unusual Polish one) so perhaps times are changing.

Another friend recently got married though and didn’t change her name, and was really surprised by how many people mentioned it and how annoyed they seemed about it.

Ed Balls kept his name but I’m pretty sure the children have Cooper as a surname.

Do both. It’s both your child and if you don’t share a married name I can’t see why you’d pick only one parents name…

We did both - any principled argument you can use for why a child should have one parents surname you can just as easily apply to why it should have the other, as far as I can see.

Obviously if you are not worried about the principle then choose the one you like!

We felt the same 😂

Decided on mine, largely because that's what the baby is automatically called in hospital, and we are really bad at admin. I kept my own surname for the same reason.

We used DH's surname as a second middle name.

Yeah that's the norm sadly. Women's name changes around marriage bring a lot of stupid to the yard.

I heard that too but the internet says the children are Cooper, Balls and Balls.
The surname was that sort of 'unfortunate', if not worse.