How did you decide which surname to use?

stuffedanimalsandchocolate · 2026-09-02T16:38:21+00:00

Partner & I are in the slightly unusual position of both preferring the other’s surname for future baby! both are pretty solid names, recognisably British but not that common. However, everyone understands both names and we’ve never had any issues with other people spelling our names. how did you decide?

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Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2026 17:44

We basically wanted to flip a coin, but also wanted something that our child could choose to follow if they liked the rule we set. So we decided that girls would get my surname and boys would get his.

This worked particularly nicely because DH desperately was hoping for daughters so he was betting on children with my surname. If that had not been the case, it might have made more sense to flip a coin to pick which sex got which surname.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/09/2026 18:15

Traditionally children of unmarried parents took the mother's surname and had the father's as a middle name.

Chamallo · 02/09/2026 19:00

Why not just use both?

Original poster

stuffedanimalsandchocolate · 02/09/2026 20:02

Chamallo · 02/09/2026 19:00

Why not just use both?

Not that keen on double-barrelling personally, horses for courses though

OP posts:

scousemum · 02/09/2026 20:04

Did girls with my name and boys with DH’s, ended up 2Dds and a DS. Eldest Dd used to tell kids at school that DS was adopted, to be fair he deserved it at times

dynamitehee · 02/09/2026 20:05

We did mine for girls then his for boys. Works out for us. Though people do assume we are a blended family. Not that there’s a problem with that but just to make you aware. We do something think we should have put both and used one day to day but no one is bothered enough to change names, kids are late teens, early 20’s now.

TooOrangey · 02/09/2026 20:05

I couldn’t wait to get shot of my ugly maiden name when I got married, so it was never in question.

Shloopie · 02/09/2026 20:06

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/09/2026 18:15

Traditionally children of unmarried parents took the mother's surname and had the father's as a middle name.

And that was a much more sensible system than the more modern trend for giving babies the father's surname.

Franxi · 02/09/2026 20:06

We used both. I love it as think it’s a cute example of how we’ve both made our children and are named after us both. They feel 50/50 mum and dad of that makes sense?!

overwork · 02/09/2026 20:45

We also used both, not double barrelled so they can drop one if they prefer. We both have our own names and that won’t ever change

Chamallo · 02/09/2026 21:36

stuffedanimalsandchocolate · 02/09/2026 20:02

Not that keen on double-barrelling personally, horses for courses though

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We’re in Spain so it’s the norm here (and legally required). No hyphen though. Typically people are referred to by their first surname day-to-day, but I think in the UK people would be more likely to use the second one. Figured they can lean more towards one or the other as they choose when they’re older. DP and I both have only one surname and that causes more issues in Spain as people assume our middle names are actually first surname.

If we lived in the UK, I’d have used both or insisted on my name. Women have given up their identities for long enough historically and I think it’s a nice nod to the women who fought for our rights.

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · 02/09/2026 22:18

We used both.

NamingNoNames · 02/09/2026 22:24

The mother's surname.

If you are using both surnames, in the UK it is the last one that is assumed to be the surname. Alba García Lopez will be Alba Lopez, which is not how Spanish surnames work.

Wishitsnows · 02/09/2026 22:27

The mothers surname

NamingNoNames · 02/09/2026 22:36

Shloopie · 02/09/2026 20:06

And that was a much more sensible system than the more modern trend for giving babies the father's surname.

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I agree. There are lots of good reasons for using the mother's surname.

PinkCatCushion · 02/09/2026 22:48

We like the traditional way and used DHs surname for all our kids.
I also took his name. I was very proud to be married (still am), like tradition and keeping things simple.
My parents weren’t at all bothered by their surname dying out on my side (neither was I).
My brother’s children have continued my parents surname lineage.

NamingNoNames · 02/09/2026 22:51

@PinkCatCushion , do you have the same surname as your DH? If you do, the DC have their mother's surname.

SlipperyLizard · 02/09/2026 22:54

We also did my name for girls, DH’s name for boys. We have two girls, they have DH’s surname as a second middle name.

Our names would not have worked double barrelled and I also think that just kicks the can down the road a generation - what if they meet someone else double barrelled?

If they choose to use DH’s name in the future that’s fine with me, although I suspect they won’t as none of their cousins on his side have the same name (DH’s sisters went the more traditional route so changed their names on marriage), so they feel more affinity with their cousin on my side.

RancidRuby · 02/09/2026 23:06

We picked out the first name and then went with the surname that sounded best with it, other surname as a middle name.

TheBirdintheCave · 02/09/2026 23:27

PinkCatCushion · 02/09/2026 22:48

We like the traditional way and used DHs surname for all our kids.
I also took his name. I was very proud to be married (still am), like tradition and keeping things simple.
My parents weren’t at all bothered by their surname dying out on my side (neither was I).
My brother’s children have continued my parents surname lineage.

Same in our family. My surname is also one of the most common in the UK so to switch to my husband’s very unusual one was a bonus.

We did consider double barrelling but put together our surnames sounded like an already existing name and we knew we would always be repeating ourselves. It would be something like Fisher-Hoy always being misheard as Fitzroy.

EveningSpread · 03/09/2026 06:18

There is no way I would have a different last name from my child.

MiceSpiders · 03/09/2026 06:23

When we got married we both double barreled so DS has the same. I wanted the same name as my children and so did DH

NamingNoNames · 03/09/2026 06:27

@EveningSpread , I remarried and took his surname. (Didn't have DC with DH2.)
When DC were at school etc I was assumed to be Mrs DC-surname.
I think I'd have minded if their father and I had split acrimoniously.
DH2 and I divorced and it was a hassle to change my name back.

DSIL kept her married name when she divorced as the young DC had that surname.

CurlewKate · 03/09/2026 06:30

Either the woman’s name or hyphenated. No question.

CurlewKate · 03/09/2026 06:31

PinkCatCushion · 02/09/2026 22:48

We like the traditional way and used DHs surname for all our kids.
I also took his name. I was very proud to be married (still am), like tradition and keeping things simple.
My parents weren’t at all bothered by their surname dying out on my side (neither was I).
My brother’s children have continued my parents surname lineage.

Why “proud”? And why wasn’t he “proud”?