Regretting letting MIL move in, feel mentally unwell over it. AIBU to ask what to do?

Oh that's you?? Jeez that makes the situation a whole lot worse.

You need to have a major conversation with him and start putting up boundaries with his family. And frankly you need to start working on an exit plan because form my experience men like that are every enmeshed with their families and culture and find it very very hard to stand up to their family/mothers for their wife.

If push comes to shove are you able to go it alone if required?

If you read the OP first post it will become clear. There’s a lot more going on.

How long was she out of the UK because I think in most cases with indefinite leave to remain you're only allowed to leave the UK for under two years.

I recall your previous thread OP. I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

You really need to take heed of some of this advice. He is not protecting you and it sounds like you don't have the type of relationship where you can communicate your needs and have them listened to. Your grief at the loss of these early months with your baby is valid and the reason is his lack of attention and care and his family's selfishness.

How realistic is leaving him? I would leave and I would be very very careful. Something about your posts give my spider senses a twitch - I feel like you need to hide your and the baby's passport and documents and you need to plan an exit route quietly. I had that feeling in your last thread and I have it now.

Please protect your full self and your baby. Something tells me this man is either willfully ignorant or willfully selfish and either one of those damages you xx

I remember your last post. I am going to say the same thing now. Call all of the advice lines. Get help to get the fuck out of there.

I wouldnt worry about the mortgage, my ex hasn't paid his share in over 2 yrs but still wants 50% of the equity..... banks are not interested in you both paying half, they just want it paid.

Your partner doesn’t love you , just leave ! Everyone told you to leave , because we can all see how bad he is for you and your child .

Agree, I wouldn't even get a passport for baby at the moment but I would ensure you keep all documentation very secret and safe.

Is your mum's not an option at all? Any close friends? I would speak with DP saying you've changed your mind about his mum being there and that you need her to leave. Be careful how you talk about your mental health. From your previous thread, I feel like giving him any grounds for calling you unwell / unfit is not a good idea. You are not being stupid or weak. You are having a very natural, understandable response to your situation. Don't let the voice in your head or him tell you otherwise. Most of us would feel like you under these circumstances. Please know that. If these people living in your house cannot grasp how you're feeling intuitively let alone after being told then these are not your people.

So talk with him if he doesn't get it at all, you need to work out how to not be together and I think in these circumstances for safety that means you quietly leaving for a bit x

Take your baby and move out to a hotel for now and then tell your partner you're not coming back unless his mum leaves.

You are allowed to change your mind now that you have discovered MIL living with you makes you miserable. Your little one needs you mentally well. Maternal mental health is really important for a child so prioritising your wellbeing is not selfish it is being a responsible parent. Speak to DP, either MIL goes or you go and start proceedings to force a sale. Your DP has badly let you down at your most vulnerable stages and I would seriously reconsider the relationship. Sorry you are going through all this, you deserve to have been put first.

France?

Sorry for asking OP but does DP's family know about your ND brother? You said mental health is a bit of a taboo topic. Maybe they have somehow convinced themselves in their ignorance that whatever they conceptualize as mental health problems runs in your family and they need to keep an eye on you?

In which case it's even more urgent for you to get out of there even for a week.

Thai is an incredibly difficult language whereas English being a global language is not. English is my second language too and you can get by in my country without knowing local language.
Similarly, in Thailand, you can get by speaking in English because locals know English to varying degrees same cannot be said about living in UK? All European countries have language requirements to obtain permanent residency, how can it not be the case in UK. I think this MiL is too lazy to speak or watch tv in English so pretends she doesn’t know.

I think the OP mentiond it was Eastern European, but never mentioned a country.

It being difficult would be a reasonable explanation for him not being fluid and struggling. But only knowing a handful of words is because he hasn't tried to learn it, either.

I'm not suggesting OP's MiL has taken a decent approach to living in another country. I'm just pointing out that it's a pretty well trodden path that many people from all sorts of countries take and people really shouldn't find it at all unbelievable, even if they think she ought to have tried. It's because so many people didn't put the effort in that the UK (following in the footsteps of many countries) finally put requirements in place, but it was only a couple of decades ago.

I find the idea of a husband dictating the breastfeeding schedule abhorrent, and it sounds like many of the other posters agree. Breastfeeding is hard enough. To have some bossy little shit sit back and orchestrate this around his needs makes my skin crawl.
This man will never approach parenting as team work, it will always, in every way, be about his needs and preferences, and he will be a drag on her in every.single.way, every.single.day.
Although it doesn't feel like it, now is the easiest time to leave. I say document everything with your nurses, collect your documents, see a solicitor, cut your losses, force a sale on the house (you can do this as tenants-in-common), speak to work to start planning to return (when you are ready but maybe before if you need, its a good option to have), organise nursery, find a rental, and take control of your life. Good luck OP. This is not "your story", this is just the prologue. The rest of your life is a blank page, and you get to write it so that you and your beautiful baby are the leading roles with a peaceful path forward.

I know it’s hard. But you are a mother now, she is too. But your baby is small. Be bigger. Be an arsehole and take priority. Xx it’s going to take a lot, but one firm speech will sort this. Do it for your sanity.

You and your DH were so kind to offer your MIL refuge.
Now that reality has deemed the situation non sustainable, long term, it is fair to make a new plans
Admit your feelings to DH.
Be honest and discuss all options with your counsellor.
Present the options to your DH. You might find that you both need the counsellor to help explain your vulnerabilities and acceptable boundaries.

Research ..
MIL getting her own 1 bed flat.
MIL getting job with inbuilt accommodation
Alltering your home to encompass a studio with own entrance/key.
Buying a larger home that has privacy and separation from MIL.
MIL going home to live with family or on her own.

Never agree to anything that upsets you.
Do not allow MIL to take DS off you.
Stand your ground.
Demand that DH sorts it out promptly.