AIBU? Male work colleague

Sounds like you probably are, given his response. Not necessarily in a legally defined way, but you are going on and on when he's clearly indicated he isn't interested in hearing it. In the normal sense of the word, that's harassing.

You have to take responsibility for your mental health and stop pushing your anxiety out onto the rest of the world and making it worse.

If you aren't getting help for it, go to your GP. But there's also a hell of a lot of self help you can do. If you'd spent as long finding some exercises and ways to distract yourself on Google as you have posting on MN you'd be in a better place already.

Also something to think about is the majority of office workers will have gone through a redundancy once or many times. We have all lived to tell the tale. It’s upsetting and inconvenient, but life goes on. It’s just a job. You get a new job then carry on. I’ve left many jobs and started new jobs, once you leave then you meet new people and pretty much forget about your old job completely. You might keep one friend and have a few contacts you can call for work type questions, but people get made redundant every day, life goes on. It’s not the world ending scenario you are making it out to be in your head. You get made redundant, you sort out your cv, you find a new job, sometimes you take a shittier interim job for a bit then you find another path. Redundancy is not nice, but it’s just work and things will be ok in the end.

Look it's not that serious OP

He's just sick of you going on and on and being expected to constantly reassure you.

You're still workmates. So how about next time he gets in touch or you have coffee or whatever spend the time asking about him, be interested in what he has to say.

And please please go and see your GP about your anxiety. It's normal to you but it really isn't something you can deal with alone.

OP, do you talk to this man in the same way you’re responding on this thread? Because I’m finding it incredibly frustrating reading your replies. You’re not listening to anyone; you just keep asking if you think you might get into trouble and then when people say “no, but you’re clearly being weird and unfair to your colleague” you just keep saying “but I have anxiety so I lean on him and I this and I that…” as if all that matters is you.

Your colleague told you to stop banging on about your anxieties and you still wouldn’t drop it because you didn’t give a toss about his feelings on the matter.

The only thing you actually care about is making other people repeatedly reassure you. You don’t give a shit about how anyone else might feel about having you lean on them. You kept repeating the same anxiety over and over again to your colleague and you’re now doing exactly the same on this thread. It’s really draining for other people.

Leave the poor man alone to enjoy his weekend with his family. Before you said you were both married, I thought you were going to confess to being in love with him. It certainly sounds as if you’re emotionally dependent on him and he’s sick to death of it. Don’t text him again! Get some paper and a pen and write down all your current anxieties. Sometimes getting it out of your head and written down can help calm the mind.

No one actually enjoys listening to someone else's anxiety going round in circles. He's been patient and kind by the sounds of it. But he has tried to tell you to STFU in a nice way. And by the sounds of it, this isn't the first time, it's just the first time you've realised he might actually be a bit annoyed by it.

You need to do it.

But no one can give you the reassurance you are looking for. He doesn't know what the outcome will be, so it will be wildly frustrating for him that you keep asking.

God I hope so.

Edit to add: But, no. Probably not.

Omg Op either you are a bot or you are an extremely annoying person.

For what? Being annoying or banging on about something isn't an HR violation. You have lost any ability to be rational about this OP, and genuinely need some help to break this cycle of thinking

OK im calling it! This is a wind up

Never seen someone say "I" or "me" so much ever.

Also am I missing something about redundancy, surely just get another job no?

FFS.

Omg why are you still rambling on about HR??

And again its all about you.

I do have severe anxiety but I deal with it, not use it as an excuse to behave like that. Have you spoken to the gp about it or are you ignoring that question?

If you just have a relationship based on jokes and banter, it’s odd to suddenly deep dive into your anxieties. Keep those for supportive friendships where you share your vulnerabilities. He’s just the fun guy in the office, not an emotional support!

now You also have the entire of mumsnet saying to you ‘please stop banging on about HR’ if you were acting like this over the redundancy then I can see why he wanted to make it stop.

Let. It. Go.

Of course it’s not a sackable offence. I think you need to do some breathing exercises and keep yourself occupied this weekend because you sound like you’re on the edge.

I think the reason he’s distanced himself from you is because you appear to be having some sort of meltdown. I understand it’s because of your anxiety, but he is not your counsellor. He’s told you once already that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. You’ve exhausted his willingness and his ability to listen to you. And if you message him asking if he’s annoyed with you, you’re being really selfish. He’s not your rock. He’s your work friend. That’s it. You’re asking more from him than he’s able to give you.

I guess I just want reassurance my job will be ok and I won’t be reported by someone who’s usually pretty close to me! Nobody can reassure you about your job. Even the people who do know wouldn’t be able to tell you yet. But your friend will be fine. Leave him alone for a day or two and then message him on Monday, tell him you’re sorry for frying his brain, you just went into panic mode and you promise not to mention the R word again. Ask him if he had a nice weekend and then leave it alone. You sound like you’ve driven the poor man to the point where you’re affecting his mental health.

If it's not a wind up I think you don't understand anxiety. What you're doing here is making it worse.

Don't want to throw up? Then stop focusing on it.

This relationship seems very unhealthy. I don’t blame him for massively backing off. Nobody here can tell you if he will report you, however HR are very unlikely to do anything. Please get help for your anxiety. And leave him alone, if I were his wife I’d be so annoying by your incessant texting.