AIBU? Male work colleague

OP, none of that relates to @JeffLebowski ’s points. You’re responding to a conversation that’s going on only in your head, just as you are with your colleague. This is why someone who keeps spiralling anxiously can be so tiresome to be around — they simply aren’t paying any attention to the other person. You’re self-absorbed. Your friend has clearly asked you to stop talking at him about your fear of redundancy. You’re now using that as new material to spiral about.

Jeeeez OP youre still on here spiralling about your spiral.
Its a job.
Get yourself on medication and stop this nonsense. I actually dont think this guy is your mate at all, I think hes a work colleague who you chat to and now youre unloading on him and its extremely excessive.

You annoyed him droning on and on. He ignored your text because he didn’t want to get drawn into a prolonged, draining conversation with you.

Think about that and change the way you interact with him. And no, he won’t report you to HR. That’s your anxiety making up crap basically.

I absolutely get that just because you're a woman and he's a man that it's fine for you to be friends. I'm a man. I'm privileged to have a number of fantastic women as friends, both in work and outside of work.

But those friendships are absolutely mutual and I'm always very careful to make sure that I'm not exploiting those friendships as an outlet to repeatedly drain out on them about the stresses I have in my life. I make sure I spend at least as much time listening to what's going on in their lives and supporting them with their troubles as I do talking about what's going on with me. I'm also very careful to realise that they have their own lives, their own fears, their own insecurities and their own worries that have nothing to do with me but that need to be accommodated and supported.

Re-read the post I'm responding to. Your first para is all about you. Your second para leads on what he's done for you and is mostly about how you lean on him. Your third para is about how you use him to drain out about your worries. And your forth para is primarily about your worries about the possible repercussions on you of how much you've leaned on him.

You see what I mean? The vast majority of what you've written about your relationship with this man is about the support he gives you and how his opinion on you may reflect on you. It's all about you. You're not seeing him as an independent human being, you're seeing him as a reflection of and/or reaction to you.

If I was his friend or line manager I'd be advising him to start distancing him from you because your fixation and reliance on him has crossed the line from mutual friendship to unhealthy dependence.

My anxiety has now convinced me that he might report me to HR over Friday, that I’ve crossed a line and that our friendship is over.

You have crossed a line of becoming very annoying to him.

Please be kind, as I’m really struggling with my anxiety over this, like I’m really hypersensitive this week

But you’re not being very kind to him, you’re doing his head in.

Christ alive. Just stop it. You’re not even acknowledging the entirely valid points people are making. Fuck me, but you’re being self-centred.

Are you planning to stop harassing him? Because if not he should report to HR.

I wish you could report work colleagues for being boring… I’d be off to see HR with a list first thing Monday morning.

This friendship is very one sided and I’d be pissed off if I was him too.

Even on this thread you’re more concerned about him going to HR than you hurting his feelings/losing him as a friend.

You sound incredibly selfish and your ‘anxiety’ is not an excuse for this.

@mumlearningtorun

"and he invited me for coffee when he’s off in January"

This is the bit that mystified me. That's planning ahead...

Don’t be telling yourself you have PTSD over anything fairly routine that has gone on at work (including your redundancy worry) unless you are a forensic pathologist in a war zone, or a police officer, for example.
Dial it back a long way, to a more rational assessment of the situation and instead of freaking yourself out, avoid at least part of that habit by avoiding wildly exaggerated terminology.

He is a work colleague who you talk to, i don't see what about that makes you close. It sounds like you have a chat, a laugh and a moan at work.... I do with loads of my colleagues but I wouldnt call them friends nevermind close friends.

You are so self absorbed you aren't even reading or acknowledging what people are saying. I have anxiety and intrusive thoughts, so I get therapy and medicate myself because I dont want it to rule my life.

Leave this poor man alone and take some ownership over yourself. I actually think youre lucky hes not been more harsh with you, youre massively overstepping

I'm sorry, but even though about 10 people have told you he's extremely unlikely to report you to HR you keep asking the same thing over and over. With the greatest of respect I'm starting to see why he started to get annoyed with you.

You know you’re harassing him.

You don't seem to be reading people's replies. You're only interested in repeating yourself. Please stop and calm down.

I think that he just wants a bit of quiet time

Yes, If someone tells you to stop and you don’t stop, then it’s classed as harassment.

You need to find a new way of channeling your anxiety which doesn’t involve him.

It can be really overwhelming being someone’s constant confidante.

Why don’t you try using Chat GPT? It can respond to all your questions without ever getting tired.

I suffer with anxiety and i know what it's like, especially with something like potetial redundancy hanging over you.
However, it is also extremely hard work for the people around you. The constant repeated questions, looking for reassurance. It can seem quite self centred.
You're overthinking this. He's not going to report you to HR. He's probably worried about his job too.
You can't do anything about the redundancy so try to distract yourself.

It’s because you are crossing the boundary of work mate, to making him your emotional support. He is trying to put the boundary back without breaking the friendship.
He is a work friend, not a family member or best friend you can lean on to get over things.
and to be honest saying you had ptsd because you were up for redundancy before and then wasn’t actually fired is extremely dramatic.

this man probably has his own issues and worries about redundancy and you shouldn’t be making him console you constantly.
just be friendly and stay away from the redundancy topic, stick to light conversations and stuff about work.

I don’t think he will report you. Don’t feel sick, just give yourself 10 seconds to think before asking a question on a hot topic.

Maybe send him a text saying sorry for unloading on his and that you’ll rein it in.