DP has invited his ex wife for Christmas dinner and says I’m being petty

I suspect he’s done this without thinking, she’s going to be alone, kids will love it, and that’s as far as it went, he was being kind as the kids would have felt awful thinking of their mum alone in Xmas day and he knows it,

of course you’re not unreasonable , it’s shitty as it gets for you, but I also think you need to suck it up now as it will be so so much worse if he has to disinvite,

Love this!

Urgh, absolutely not.

I am very suspicious of men who behave like this with their ex wives. I have a civil relationship with my ex husband but no way on earth would I invite him to Christmas dinner especially if I had a partner attending! I do buy him a Christmas present off ds despite him not celebrating it.

The only 2 times I’ve dated single dads, they’ve behaved in this exact pisstaking manner (never again). Both went back to their ex-wives and one messages me off random numbers (blocked him on everything) trying his luck every few months.

Tell him bluntly he can celebrate Christmas at his with his daughters and ex wife.

No, this is weird. The point of getting divorced and then alternating Christmases is that you get to spend time with your children without having to spend Christmas in a house with your ex. If he was feeling that sorry for her he could have said he'd split the days a bit differently this year.

Tell him he should have asked first because he should have.

But would agree that his not 'helping' unless asked, is wrong.

'Put him to work on the planning, then with the cooking etc on the day.'

and yes,

'Allocate everyone a dish to bring to ease the load.'

But in fairness (modelling communication) discuss this with him first.

Only suspicious of men doing it? What about women who invite their exes?

I wonder if he invited her without really considering. I can be prone to that too. Out of kindness and realising after it might actually be a bit of a stretch. My husband can actually do it too come to think of it. I think it’s a nice trait to have - including people.

I agree with this, mainly because two kids will have both of their parents there and two will only have their mum. That seems very unfair to two children.

@IcyPortal I hope you can invite your ex so your children are not left out of the family Christmas.

I get on really well with my husbands ex wife…over the past 20 years we have become very good friends…lots of mutual love and care and respect ….in fact myself and DH went to her wedding to her new DH last year ….and they would be more than welcome to come over for Xmas dinner….but….only if my DH ran it by me first….its basic manners…I won’t be “ told” who is coming, we will discuss it….

Yanbu OP and lots of people spend Christmas day alone, no biggie

Have you ever done it?

I've recently realised that reasonable, logical and logical decent people are always taken advantage off.
Don't be reasonable, say no or leave the house!
Or how about you invite your kids dad eh
Be one big happy family haha, see how he likes it, say it even if it isnt true!

As *BriarTime suggests. *

You are not being unreasonable at all, but I don't think it needs to be an argument. It is nice for the kids, and it gives your kids an amazing example on how inclusive and kind blended families can be.
He should have asked you though, not like a permission thing as such (although it is a unique tricky balance with an ex) but just because it is your home and you'll likely be cooking and organising and it is a courteous thing to do.

EXACTLY

He is bang out of order to have invited someone to your house without discussing it with you. Doubly so given this is Christmas, triply so given it’s his ex wife.

I do think he is doing the right thing by inviting her but you should have had a say in that, especially given you are the one who cooks.

Funnily enough, your feelings are important given it is your Christmas and your house too.

As allthingsinmoderation·
Says
"If you would have even reluctantly agreed given the current circumstances,let it happen."

And he needs to help with planning, shopping and cooking etc.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this inconsiderate dick who thinks your feelings count for nothing?

He is a total USER.

It’s probably why his marriage ended. He is a manipulative USER that calls names to get his lazy way.

Disgusting.

I'd be furious that he didn't ask me first, and more so that he feels i'm in the wrong, but it's done now so you can either say no and have him and his DC on your back or tell him fine but as with most families she can help him out as he'll be doing the brunt of Christmas dinner.

I'm blowed if i'd be stuck in the kitchen fixing food for my DP's ex while they're all playing happy families round the Christmas tree.

His ex wife comes before you.

And after him. He is a thoughtless lazy user.

Escape from him while you can.

He should have asked first. However it’s healthy for kids to see their parents getting along so I think it’s good that she’s coming.

Why are you doing all the work alone though?

He should have asked.

I dont think this makes him a conttolling abuser or that yorue a doormat
I think hes desperate to make his girls happy.
If shes not horrendous if you can welcome her, I think do

Do you call people affected by your impulsive invitations petty if they object?

I wouldn't be happy either. I'd be telling him he'd be doing all the work. The cleaning, the shopping both gifts (apart from my own childrens) and food/drink, he'd be doing the wrapping, the food prep, the cooking, the serving and every other part of hosting and he'd be doing the clean up after.