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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum friend took the piss????

111 replies

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:14

AIBU to think my mum’s friend took the piss on holiday?
I’ve just come back from a holiday with my mum and her friend, and I honestly feel like her friend has completely taken the piss.
I paid for the caravan, and her friend didn’t offer a penny towards it. She didn’t offer any petrol money, didn’t offer to contribute towards food, and didn’t offer to buy anything while we were away.
On top of that, she did absolutely no cooking or washing up. It was as though she was there to enjoy the holiday while everyone else paid for everything and did all the work.
In the end, I actually had to demand that she paid for the fish and chips takeaway because she hadn’t offered to pay for anything at all!
What makes it worse is that, on our last holiday, she specifically mentioned how she would help out on this holiday. So I expected her to make some effort this time, but she blatantly didn’t.
She also knows I’m saving for IVF, so money isn’t something I can just throw around. I’m trying to save for something incredibly important to me, which makes the whole situation even more frustrating.
The thing that really annoys me is that my mum seems to think all of this is perfectly fine. She just brushes it off, whereas I feel her friend is taking advantage of her kindness and walking all over her.
I know my mum is an adult and can make her own decisions, but I find it difficult to sit back and watch someone take so much without offering anything in return.
I’m not expecting everything to be split down to the last penny, but surely basic manners would mean offering some petrol money, contributing towards food, or at least helping with the cooking and washing up?
AIBU to think her behaviour was incredibly cheeky and that she took the piss? Or am I being unreasonable for expecting her to contribute when I paid for the holiday?
I’m also frustrated that my mum thinks it’s okay, especially when her friend had previously said she would help out this time.

OP posts:
undergroundandoverground · Today 17:57

YANBU in your expectations

But

YABU for being such a wet lettuce and not saying a thing the whole time on a holiday you had paid for!

Shinyandnew1 · Today 18:04

I don’t understand why (having been on holiday with this lazy tight person before), you let her come again?!

OP: Mum, I’ve paid for a caravan for you and me to go on holiday in October!
Mum: oh, lovely. Shall I invite my complete arsehole friend again?
OP: No.

Talk us through why this wasn’t your conversation…!

VivIsBlonde · Today 18:07

You should have discussed money before booking!
This holiday is costing xxxx including fuel & food, split that between 3 people and we all pay xxxx each, if she refuses then she doesn’t get to go!!

Imseriouslyyouguys · Today 18:12

Yanbu but should’ve said more at the time.

Absolutely don’t go on holiday with her again.

Koriko · Today 18:18

A relative of mine "broke up" with a best friend of decades after CFery like this. I don't understand how some people are wired. Treating normal people like an all inclusive. Incredible.

Imseriouslyyouguys · Today 18:20

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

Sounds like all you actually did is ask her to pay for fish and chips on the last night.

You should’ve been commenting every day. When you got there - “could you transfer me £20 towards the petrol please Sheila”

When she’s got her feet up while you’re clearing up after dinner “remember how you said you were going to help out this time Sheila? Your turn tomorrow!”

”Sheila the food bill for the week was £75, could you let me have your £25 towards it please”.

Just keep repeating until you get your money/she helps out.

You’ve allowed it to happen by not pushing back more.

bettyrubble99 · Today 18:23

People like that need telling. They sit under the fake "well you never asked" facade. When they know full well what they should be doing as they're an adult.
"Washing up needs doing (CF name)"
"It's £30 for petrol & £30 for food"
don't give them the chance to do doing nothing.

sherbetlemonade · Today 18:29

Next time, don't go. Job done.

Imseriouslyyouguys · Today 18:33

Onlinemum22 · Today 17:01

I can tell all the people on here saying 'it could have been avoided if you asked her to do xx'/ 'why didn't you just ask her to contribute' are the CFs in some other poor person's lament.

In all honesty, we all know people should not need to be asked.

Drop them. If you're braver than me, tell them why.

People like that deserve to be left behind

“I can tell all the people on here saying 'it could have been avoided if you asked her to do xx'/ 'why didn't you just ask her to contribute' are the CFs in some other poor person's lament.”

Rubbish.

I commented that op should have been more insistent but in no way am I a CF myself- I will always make sure I’m doing an equal share of the work and paying an equal/fair share of the bill.

For that reason I wouldn’t let anyone else get away with not doing the same.

Mumtryingtolivethedream · Today 18:49

Set the standards and expectations before the event dont complain afterwards if you know this behaviour is common. Being to the point such as with the price of petrol im going to need your share upfront to fill the tank please

Therealjudgejudy · Today 18:52

Why would you choose to go on holiday with her if you knew she was a CF?

You should have split costs before you booked anything.

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