Mum friend took the piss????

You should have discussed money before booking!
This holiday is costing xxxx including fuel & food, split that between 3 people and we all pay xxxx each, if she refuses then she doesn’t get to go!!

I don’t understand why (having been on holiday with this lazy tight person before), you let her come again?!

OP: Mum, I’ve paid for a caravan for you and me to go on holiday in October!
Mum: oh, lovely. Shall I invite my complete arsehole friend again?
OP: No.

Talk us through why this wasn’t your conversation…!

YANBU in your expectations

But

YABU for being such a wet lettuce and not saying a thing the whole time on a holiday you had paid for!

Day one: How do you want to split the food costs Mum's Friend?

Followed at every fair share spending moment or moment of labour. "Your turn!"

Pop the kettle on!

Whose turn is it to do.x,y,z?

Etc etc
She would have soon got the picture! 🤦‍♀️

This. You should have said there are three adults caravan, accommodation whatever / fuel everything divided by 3. All food divided by 3 and all takeaways and chores divided by 3. Either she is paying and giving your mum money that she is not passing on or else she has been invited by your mum as a free holiday / you need to speak

You need to be much clearer with these sorts.
Linda, it's your turn to do the shop
Linda, it's your turn to do the washing up
Linda, you are cooking dinner tonight

No questions ie will you and no hints of "helping" or chipping in. You need to giver her ownership of it

She is clearly a CF. Never invite her again.

Hi op not really sure why your letting your mums friend tag along on your holiday. other issue if your saving up why go on holiday that your paying for when you need the money more. Also did your mum promise her friend it would be free and relaxing. I think it’s time to tell your mum no more holiday baby savings are your priority now. If she complains say I’m not working my arse off to pay and skivvy for your lazy entitled friend. Yes the friend is a cf.

Your Mum’s “friend” has basically enjoyed an all inclusive holiday at the expense of you and your Mum OP.
I think any financial contributions should have been made before the holiday was booked along with any further expenses fully agreed.
I doubt the CF will pay up now, there may be a load of excuses from her about why she can’t.
What did she say when you asked her to pay for fish and chips?
Don’t let her come with you both again. I would also advise on keeping an eye on who pays if your Mum and CF go out together for a meal or activity.

I can tell all the people on here saying 'it could have been avoided if you asked her to do xx'/ 'why didn't you just ask her to contribute' are the CFs in some other poor person's lament.

In all honesty, we all know people should not need to be asked.

Drop them. If you're braver than me, tell them why.

People like that deserve to be left behind

Don’t bring her again or your mum if they’re a package deal. Send her an invoice before the holiday. If she doesn’t pay, she can’t come. Don’t buy any food she likes.

Hi mum, I’m not coming on holiday with you and your mate again unless your mate chips in her third up front. So she pays for the caravan and you all chip in £50 for a food chitty and everything comes from that

If she was like that before, why invite her again? Even if she was short of money, she should be offering to wash up or cook etc to share the load, so yes I think she is taking the pee, don't invite her next time

But your mum is also taking advantage of you. You paid for the caravan and contributed to the food and fuel (did you do the driving too?). You also did a lot of the work. So she gets to be the ‘generous friend’ on your dime. She also knows about the IVF and how important it is for you.

She then brushes it off when you raise a perfectly reasonable request. I’d be furious with your mum as well as her friend.

Your boundaries are not other people's rules.

If you want something, you need to articulate it. Then at least the other person knows your boundaries. At which point they will either respect them or actively chose to ignore them. If they continue to ignore your boundaries then it is up to you whether you put up with it but remember - your boundaries are NOT other people's rules.

Ultimately if don't articulate your boundaries, the other person has no idea what your expectations are and your just going to end up frustrated and resentful when they behave in a way you don't like. They may also feel frustrated at being misled, especially if you get frustrated with them further down the line.

When you invite her you should have made the expectations clear (e.g. what she needs to contribute, etc). If she agreed to that and still didn't contribute you have every right to be frustrated and know not to invite her again.

So when she first said she was coming do you tell her your share of the caravan is £x and here are my bank account details to do a transfer.

When you went shopping why didn't say your share is £y. Cash or bank transfer. Why keep spending out on her. For this reason I voted YABU because you aren't addressing the issue

Just send her a text saying how much her share of the caravan, petrol and food was with your bank details. Better to sort this kind of thing in advance so no one’s expectations are out though…

The ship has sailed now but next time say were going away and the cost per person for the caravan is xx.xx each. Do you want to come.
Then say do you want to get your own shopping or shall I just get it and we split the cost.
Then when away say right whose cooking and whose washing up.
Seeing as she doesn't offer you need to give her a nudge or it will spoil your trip away

Maybe you need to have a conversation.

” ..Janet, we just need to settle up our holiday costs. I’ve worked it out that you owe me £x for the caravan,£y for petrol and £z towards food costs, so that’s £xyz all together. Here are my details if you could transfer it over. Many thanks’.

I wouldn't invite her again if she constantly takes the piss. You paid for the holiday tell your mum her friend isn't welcome as she never contributes her fair share

@teenagedirtbag1990
She's not a friend of your mum
She's a user of your mum
They may have a history that goes way back
Where they've established their stances to eachother so
She'd assume you'd be the same as your mother
And she'd get away with being the way she always is
Don't go away with her ever again
And as for your mum
I know she's an adult true
But maybe say something about her being played for a paying fool?

The woman's a CF, but it is also on you for not standing up for yourself and being more assertive.

Tell her you paid for the caravan and her and your mum are paying for the food so can she please send you x amount. Then it really is obvious she's taking the mickey out of your mum if she doesn't do it. My mum had a friend like that who let her pay for dinner and wine and I didn't want to rock the boat but she just got away with it and it pisses me off to this day!

You were crazy to give her any food, then!

CFs will keep being CFs, and no amount of hint-dropping or hoping they’ll do the right thing will get them to change. As hard as it is, you have to call them out.
Years ago it transpired that my own father invited me to join him on holiday because he thought that I’d pay for and do everything! It was very exhausting constantly having to say ‘come on Dad, it’s your turn to pay’ and ‘alright,
what are you cooking tonight? It’s your turn.’ I even had to go to the lengths of asking the waiter if we could have separate bills when we sat down (restaurant staff just love that, don’t they?!) because the previous time when I’d paid he thought he’d be clever and order three courses plus drinks when I’d ordered only a main.
Very very hard work, and I learned a valuable lesson. Needless to say I’ve not gone on holiday with him since!