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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum friend took the piss????

103 replies

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:14

AIBU to think my mum’s friend took the piss on holiday?
I’ve just come back from a holiday with my mum and her friend, and I honestly feel like her friend has completely taken the piss.
I paid for the caravan, and her friend didn’t offer a penny towards it. She didn’t offer any petrol money, didn’t offer to contribute towards food, and didn’t offer to buy anything while we were away.
On top of that, she did absolutely no cooking or washing up. It was as though she was there to enjoy the holiday while everyone else paid for everything and did all the work.
In the end, I actually had to demand that she paid for the fish and chips takeaway because she hadn’t offered to pay for anything at all!
What makes it worse is that, on our last holiday, she specifically mentioned how she would help out on this holiday. So I expected her to make some effort this time, but she blatantly didn’t.
She also knows I’m saving for IVF, so money isn’t something I can just throw around. I’m trying to save for something incredibly important to me, which makes the whole situation even more frustrating.
The thing that really annoys me is that my mum seems to think all of this is perfectly fine. She just brushes it off, whereas I feel her friend is taking advantage of her kindness and walking all over her.
I know my mum is an adult and can make her own decisions, but I find it difficult to sit back and watch someone take so much without offering anything in return.
I’m not expecting everything to be split down to the last penny, but surely basic manners would mean offering some petrol money, contributing towards food, or at least helping with the cooking and washing up?
AIBU to think her behaviour was incredibly cheeky and that she took the piss? Or am I being unreasonable for expecting her to contribute when I paid for the holiday?
I’m also frustrated that my mum thinks it’s okay, especially when her friend had previously said she would help out this time.

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · Yesterday 14:04

Add up the spending, divide it by however many people, then send her a text asking for x money.
why did you go on holiday with her again? And why didn’t you say… Marge, your turn to cook/ wash up/ etc?

Eristealviper · Yesterday 14:04

You won’t be going anywhere with her again, -will you, OP?!!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · Yesterday 14:05

Can you go through your bank statements and send her a bill? She might not pay it, but it will emphasise what a CF she is.

pinkdelight · Yesterday 14:05

Why on earth are you going on holiday with your mum's friend?? Sounds like hell even if she wasn't a tight pisstaker. Let your mum go with her friend and they can foot the bill between them. You shouldn't be paying for other people and if your mum is so chill about it, she should be covering her friend's costs and share of skivvying. People only treat you this way if you let them. Well done for demanding the fish n chips cash but that's the tip of the iceberg. Never again - promise yourself now!

godmum56 · Yesterday 14:09

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

and what? she said no once and that was that?

Waytoohothot · Yesterday 14:10

Why do people come on here to moan about people who dont have boundaries, you want people to agree with you but assuming you paid for your mum its your holiday and up to you who comes so if you want her to come next time and there are 3 adults you pay two thirds of total price for you and your mum and friend pays a third and work out food bill and divide that by 3 and add that to her bill and she pays before she arrives, she doesnt pay she doesnt come

Yogabearmous · Yesterday 14:11

Don’t go away with her ever again. Tell your mum her curbed is not invited.

Sunbringer · Yesterday 14:13

For all you know your mum said it was her treat.

shhblackbag · Yesterday 14:20

Why is your mum taking a friend on a holiday that you've paid for (the caravan)? It's cheeky of her, actually. Obviously CF friend should be paying, but I wonder if your mum has said to her that it's fine?

I'd speak to your mother. She's not looking great in this.

Treehorns · Yesterday 14:28

Let it go.
Tell your mother she will never be included again, and stick to it.
I wouldn't want to be in her company again.

67789d · Yesterday 14:48

Why did you 'ask her'? Surely you tell her the amount and if she doesnt pay it, she gets no food?

Am I missing something here?

SamphiretheTervosaur · Yesterday 14:51

I think you have a mum problem

The other woman is her friend?

Why are you inviting her at all?

pumpkinseverywhere · Yesterday 15:02

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

So no food for her then? Why so passive, it’s ridiculous.

BillieWiper · Yesterday 15:15

But why was this friend eating into your IVF fund? Surely if someone was paying for her it was your mum?

If you kept on buying things you couldn't afford you should've said to her it's her turn to get something. She's clearly tight but she didn't have a gun to your head. But maybe your mum should also have said something before?

Did your mum think she was taking the piss? Why do you keep going on holiday with someone who you feel never ever pays their way?

ILoveKits · Yesterday 15:16

SIL1 did this in 1999. Never, ever again. I don't have her stay with us when she visits. Lazy, entitled mare.

EmeraldShamrock000 · Yesterday 15:37

Your mother is taking the piss too. She should not allow her friend to treat you like that. If she chooses to put up with it, she shouldn’t inflict her on you.
Don’t let your mother invite her anywhere with you again, mother can like it or lump it

IronEverything · Yesterday 15:40

In the end, I actually had to demand that she paid for the fish and chips takeaway

How did that conversation go exactly?

Marieb19 · Yesterday 15:46

Tell your Mum how unhappy you are with her friends behaviour and she (the friend) will not be invited again.

gamerchick · Yesterday 15:53

YABU for going away with her again tbh OP. You have already experienced this.

Next time you either don't invite her or you ask for a chunk of change upfront before booking.

BobbleBear · Yesterday 15:55

What a strange dynamic! Why isn’t your mum being more assertive with her cheeky fucker friend? Your mum doesn’t owe this woman money does she?

krustykittens · Yesterday 15:59

Yes, she is taking the utter piss, but so is your mum by allowing her guest to behave like this. CF knows your mum will let it slide and that you are reluctant to start a fight with your mum. I assume your mum was paying some of the costs, so her friend was also her guest, so you didn't want to start a row with her by throwing friend out on her ear and allowing her to make her own way home? But you need to tell your Mum that you do not appreciate being treated like an atm and a maid by her mates and you are NEVER holidaying with her ever again, no matter what she promises.

NoisyMonster678 · Yesterday 16:00

YADNBU

She really is taking advantage, at the very least she should be paying for her own food contributing financially before the holiday for food, you may need to tell, for future holidays because she may not be aware.

Makebelieveanotherlife · Yesterday 16:02

Well you deserve it. She did this the last time and you invited her again. So two people think you are a mug - the friend and your mother.
but you can only blame yourself.

onmylastnerveseriously · Yesterday 16:03

Wheniswinenight · Yesterday 13:31

Why do you go on holiday with your mum and her friend? That sounds like hell.

This

pumpkinseverywhere · Yesterday 16:25

A caravan holiday with your mum and her friend, that you pay for. I can’t even imagine. Why.