Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum friend took the piss????

94 replies

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:14

AIBU to think my mum’s friend took the piss on holiday?
I’ve just come back from a holiday with my mum and her friend, and I honestly feel like her friend has completely taken the piss.
I paid for the caravan, and her friend didn’t offer a penny towards it. She didn’t offer any petrol money, didn’t offer to contribute towards food, and didn’t offer to buy anything while we were away.
On top of that, she did absolutely no cooking or washing up. It was as though she was there to enjoy the holiday while everyone else paid for everything and did all the work.
In the end, I actually had to demand that she paid for the fish and chips takeaway because she hadn’t offered to pay for anything at all!
What makes it worse is that, on our last holiday, she specifically mentioned how she would help out on this holiday. So I expected her to make some effort this time, but she blatantly didn’t.
She also knows I’m saving for IVF, so money isn’t something I can just throw around. I’m trying to save for something incredibly important to me, which makes the whole situation even more frustrating.
The thing that really annoys me is that my mum seems to think all of this is perfectly fine. She just brushes it off, whereas I feel her friend is taking advantage of her kindness and walking all over her.
I know my mum is an adult and can make her own decisions, but I find it difficult to sit back and watch someone take so much without offering anything in return.
I’m not expecting everything to be split down to the last penny, but surely basic manners would mean offering some petrol money, contributing towards food, or at least helping with the cooking and washing up?
AIBU to think her behaviour was incredibly cheeky and that she took the piss? Or am I being unreasonable for expecting her to contribute when I paid for the holiday?
I’m also frustrated that my mum thinks it’s okay, especially when her friend had previously said she would help out this time.

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · Yesterday 13:15

Was she like that last time? If so you were being silly to even consider going away with her again, despite her promises.

pinkyredrose · Yesterday 13:15

Why did you go on holiday with her again when you already knew she was a CF?

Whatshitnow · Yesterday 13:20

You really have to be assertive with this sort of (tight or lazy) person. "Your turn, Anne, come on get your purse out" or "Anne, please muck in and help with the pots/mess.
Otherwise she will sit back and let you pay/do the work.

Granville82 · Yesterday 13:22

Obviously you are not unreasonable to expect someone to reciprocate labour and actual goods like food. But I think you are being unreasonable in that apparently you keep letting this situation happen, and then being surprised it's... still happening. You're an adult, just say no.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · Yesterday 13:24

YANBU except that I can’t see why you went on holiday with this person again!

Brightbluesomething · Yesterday 13:25

I really can’t understand why people are so passive in the moment but complain afterwards. Deal with it when it happens as per pp:
I’m making dinner for us Anne can you sort the dishes please?
Do you want to pay towards the shopping or a meal out?
Thanks so much for offering to help this time, can you run the hoover round the lounge please?
This annoyance is all preventable.

paradisecircus · Yesterday 13:26

I agree with you, but maybe the friend (cloth-eared as this may be) thought all of this arrangement was OK given that nothing explicit had been said otherwise. If there's a next time, decide in advance what you want her to contribute - petrol and food money seems reasonable, for example - and make this clear around the time of arranging or booking.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · Yesterday 13:27

YANBU but you should’ve spoken up more than once. It happened as she realised there was seemingly no expectation for her to do anything or pay, and she decided that worked nicely for her!

Wheniswinenight · Yesterday 13:31

Why do you go on holiday with your mum and her friend? That sounds like hell.

Bumcake · Yesterday 13:32

Why don’t you ask her to chip in / help out?

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 13:33

What does your mum say about it? Why does her friend come with you on the holiday? Maybe your mum tells her she doesn't need to pay anything and it's all covered (though she could still offer out of politeness) maybe your mum even says how her DD (you) will do everything so it will be a nice break.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 13:33

The last holiday she said she'd do more? Then this was her last chance to step up. No more holidays with her, surely? That's the solution to stop someone taking the piss.

Best of luck with IVF.

YksiKaksiKolme · Yesterday 13:35

Granville82 · Yesterday 13:22

Obviously you are not unreasonable to expect someone to reciprocate labour and actual goods like food. But I think you are being unreasonable in that apparently you keep letting this situation happen, and then being surprised it's... still happening. You're an adult, just say no.

Edited

You need to put up boundries before you book a holiday.

Inertia · Yesterday 13:36

Why can’t you go on holiday with just your mum?

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

OP posts:
AnonyMumAuDHD · Yesterday 13:39

If you invite your mum again just be clear that her friend is not invited unless she contributes in cash up front towards the caravan hire and by making an advance contribution to the food kitty before arrival. If your mum is such a pushover (because she is also expecting you to pay for her, too), then your mum may be the problem here.

I’d personally say no more friend, or find someone else to go on holiday with.

Wayk · Yesterday 13:42

Absolutely awful behaviour. How can she expect everyone else to pay for her? You are 💯 right to be annoyed.

BMW58 · Yesterday 13:44

Obviously you never go on holiday with this person along again.

If your Mum tries to insist her friend is invited then you don't go at all - have a holiday alone or with a friend of yours!

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · Yesterday 13:49

Pure cheek! I would be pissed if someone did that to my mum! Not paying could be for all sorts of reasons, and you don’t know if her and your mum maybe had some kind of deal but imo if you’re not paying because of XYZ you should at least get the rubber gloves on and wash up!! Do not go on holiday with her again and maybe have a word with your mum and just check she’s not getting rinsed by this woman on the regular.

Tablesandchairs23 · Yesterday 13:51

She's a cf. In future don't like her come.

Daisymail · Yesterday 13:57

You are right to be furious but considering she had form for this, why on earth did you agree to go away with her again? You knew exactly what she was like.

Your mum is also part of the problem and neither of them will ever change. Going forward, you either holiday with friends or alone.

Daisymail · Yesterday 13:59

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

She shouldn't be "chipping in", she should be paying her share of everything in full.

theearthsayshello · Yesterday 14:00

teenagedirtbag1990 · Yesterday 13:37

I did ask her to chip in with food! And she still didn’t do it!

Why did you go away with her when you already knew she is a cheeky fucker?

WiddlinDiddlin · Yesterday 14:01

Tell your Mum to reimburse you for what you spent on her friend.

And tell her it's not happening again, if she wants to take her friend on holiday, she covers all friends costs, but you won't be going with them again!

cramptramp · Yesterday 14:02

I would have said something about it to her in front of everyone. I can’t stand people like that.