to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

Why would they need too?

I'm a recovering alcoholic and I would never ask for this.

I suspect strongly sister didn't ask him.

Why would guests have difficulty going 3 days without roast potatoes? Christmas Pudding? Watching Die Hard?

I can understand why the new boyfriend doesn't want to stay with the OP's family for 3 days and why alcohol would be part of that. What is less clear is why the sister won't accept any kind of compromise, or why she thinks it would be more comfortable for her boyfriend to stay for 3 days if she has instigated an alcohol ban on his behalf.

I would happily not drink anything alcoholic between now and Christmas, but I would be unhappy to not be able to have any on Christmas Day.

I agree with this. It sounds as though OP's sister's BF is happy to spend Christmas apart but OP is trying to manipulate OP into having an alcohol-free home for the three days of Christmas celebrations so that there is no excuse for her new boyfriend spending Christmas apart from her.

If OP agrees, I imagine that the rest of the family may feel resentful that a teetotal Christmas has been forced upon them.

My youngest brother died from cirrhosis, it's why I'm so invested in this thread. He was a functinal closet alcoholic, drank enough for many years to damage his liver, but avoided scrutiny by his wife because he went to work every day and loved his kids. Mostly had a normal life and was never abusive. His absence from work was average. My SIL had been flagging with us he was drinking too much and often needed a 3 hour nap after work and she couldnt cope with full time work and doing everything for the kids/family. We minimised the problem until blood tests showed his fatty liver has progressed ti cirrhosis. I've lived with enough guilt to last me a life time for not listening to her.

Doctors told him no more booze andf when talking to the doctors we finally understood his alcohol addiction and how we could help, He died at 68 from liver cirrhoisis complications despite being 10 years sober.

I woiuld always make a Christrmas alcohol free if ny sister wants it sober for herself or her recovering partner, Alcohol is not even in our radar if the people we love or share a table with has an addiction to it and needs to avoid triggers.

By the way, if a person is an alcoholic there would be triggers for life. They can control the addiction until certain situations. often related to anxiety, can make them reach for a drink thiinking one after many years sober won't do any damage.

Op - I think you’ve come up with a good compromise , ie, Christmas Day.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for dsis to put in the request (although the family comment is a bit off) but equally, it’s not unreasonable for you to refuse it. If bf becomes part if the family long term, he’s going to have to get used to a drinking environment.

Ehm... he is not family, he is your sisters new boyfriend and quite frankly if he has come out the other end of an addiction then he should be able to be around people who are drinking if they want to drink. Your sister is a cheeky cow to be honest expecting everyone else to cowtow to her new fella. That is akin to her meeting a vegan and expecting everyone else not to eat meat and dairy for 3 days. Tell her to fuck off.

That’s wonderful he seems to be embracing recovery that’s amazing but as a family you can support him/them without having to have ban alcohol because one person had/has a problem.

I know it’s not quite the same but in principle it kinda is. I had anorexia for years, well actually the way I see it is I’ll always have an issue with food and around food even if I’m not where I was 5 years ago. It never goes away, I have just learnt to adjust and maintain a healthier life around food with a healthy weight. Christmas was always and still is my most hardest time around family and food I mean let’s face it food is a big part of it and being altogether. It was hard. I didn’t expect there to be no food nor did I expect any changes to be made for me. It was a me problem. Family support that doesn’t mean they should go without for one person’s unfortunate issue regardless what it is. If he doesn’t feel strong enough then he doesn’t attend. The fact you’ve offered an alcohol free Christmas Day dinner is more than I would have done. They’ve been together since May…..it’s October come Xmas it will only be 7 months

I don't think his sobriety is going to be helped by spending 3 days with his girlfriend's family who have all been briefed that they can't drink because he might fall off the wagon.

Again, it's odd that the sister won't accept the Christmas lunch compromise.

As others have said we can all get through Christmas without all of it, ott food trimmings, pudding etc. Why would you, the whole point is to enjoy yourself eat drink and be merry.

I would not bother about not drinking but there's not a chance I'd impose a no booze rule on guests because an alcoholic would be there. In the same way I wouldn't omit puddings if someone was obese.

The bf hasn't even asked the ops dsis to request this. I'd be really concerned that the sister thinks it's necessary.

It’s difficult, I don’t know why Christmas seems to bring out everyone’s specific dietary requirements. It’s his job to manage his alcoholism, not ask everyone to pander to his needs. I think he should bring his own alcohol free drink. However I wonder if he is trying to duck out of the whole ‘family Christmas’ and is citing this as the reason.

Reading other responses. Your sister is being unreasonable being together since May, he should have Christmas with his family like he has said and she with hers. In all honesty if she’s unable to listen to him and his wishes and she’s unable to compromise with yourself and things it should all revolve around her request the relationship ain’t going to last anyways - stick to your guns. You are not the arsehole you’ve actually been incredibly accommodating xx

????
It’s absolutely no different to saying ‘can’t believe you couldn’t get through Xmas day without prawns (or ham, or pavlova), so do you have an addiction?’. No, but out of 365 days in a year there is one day where I absolutely want to have prawns and ham and pavlova. I can go the other 364 without if necessary. That’s not addiction.

Same with alcohol. We start mid morning with a Mimosa and move onto a celebratory champagne at the beginning of lunch and then wine over lunch. It’s no different to the prawns or ham or pavlova I don’t want to be without on that particular day. I don’t have an addiction to any of these things.

Your sister seems to be imposing a solution that nobody else actually wants. She said it herself that he wants to spend Christmas with his family.

Having a nice dinner is an integral part of Christmas day. Alcohol has got nothing to do with Christmas.

A large minority of people in the UK are now teetotal. I believe almost a quarter.

Agreed!

I'm amazed he's even discussed his sobriety with such a short-term girlfriend, let alone feeling comfortable to spend Christmas with her family, and definitely let alone flinging out requests to have her family go no-booze on his behalf.

It's absurd.

Nope. Fuck that. He isn't family and even if he was, he can't dictate the wishes of the host's household. They'll have to have their own booze free bubble somewhere else.

Right well all that is irrelevant as the poster is in the UK talking about a UK Christmas where it's celebrated on Christmas day and not Christmas eve as in a lot of European countries.

Again. Telling people how to have Christmas, lots of people don’t have a huge meal on the day and choose party food. That’s what they choose to do.

OP has already said she doesn’t drink so practically teetotal herself.

It helps his sobriety if his addiction being fully acknowledged and accepted by his girlfriend/partner's family..

The OP has a decision to make - she can make Christmas dinner alcohol free, which shouldn't be a problem if alcohol is not a prop to having family fun, or she could damage her relationship with her sister and turn her back to a person sitting on her table trying hard to maintain sobriety.

It's the OP's decision,

OP had offered alcohol free dinner

I think it is unreasonable to expect alcohol free for days over Christmas

In much the same way as I would expect to mostly bring my own food for a 3 day vegan stay. I would not expect a dog to be left outside for 3 days if I didn’t trust the dog around my family.

it’s the duration that’s unreasonable

'The OP has a decision to make - she can make Christmas dinner alcohol free, which shouldn't be a problem if alcohol is not a prop to having family fun, or she could damage her relationship with her sister and turn her back to a person sitting on her table trying hard to maintain sobriety'

The alcoholic has not requested any of this.

People like having a drink at Christmas it is perfectly normal and not a 'prop'.