to say no to sisters request for no alcohol over Xmas?

A friend was “forced” to have an alcohol free family Christmas one year. They still talk about how miserable it was

I think people should be able to drink if they want, but I’ve now had 5 alcohol free Christmases (pregnancy aside) and they’ve been far from miserable.

it feels as if your sister is trying to police his alcohol use
she will exhaust herself for nothing - if he is going to drink he will no matter what she says or does

It is strange that people report now miserable things are without alcohol. I'm sure it makes it more fun etc, but... If it's miserable, you're doing it wrong.

I think it’s more that sometimes the atmosphere falls a little flat. It’s a social lubricant at the end of the day - not just because of the alcohol content but talking about it, having a signature cocktail etc. it’s always a bit more subdued if people are sitting around drinking water or cups of tea.

Wouldn’t it be great if there weren’t people just champing at the bit to piss on everyone elses’ celebrations ? Bandying about terms like ‘toxic, addiction, triggered, drunks’. Not everyone gets roaring drunk at family celebrations. Some people just like to let their hair down and have a drink and relax with family and friends.

Climate is only a small part. Australia and Spain have no close culture or traditions. As countries. we have nothing in common. Australia was very British until 40 years ago, and changed slowly and very fast in the last 25 or so.

Many of the changes are because Australia are geographically/politically closer to Asia than to Europe, and with main immigration coming from Asia their food preference for seafood/fish, it has changed Australian food culture.

Nope. Having a glass of champagne at Christmas is a tradition for us. Would not be happening.

I’m sober, after a previous unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I see it as my issue. There is no necessity for anyone else to change their behaviour to facilitate my sobriety.

That is a massive request. They want to change everyone else’s behaviour over Christmas, to make accommodations for an issue specific to one person.
Not only that; the other people barely know him!

It’s understandable that she would choose to prioritise his preferences, but it absolutely cannot be expected of anyone else.

It’s not as though you are hosting a crack den celebration!

I completely empathise with alcohol issues.
It’s omnipresent during holidays. But he has to find a way to navigate this without making it everyone’s problem.

If he is still so unable to control his behaviour around alcohol that he cannot be around other people drinking, then he needs to stay home.

Wouldn't be great if you could enjoy a Christmas meal without worrying about everyone getting drunk?

This is a total straw man, I’m afraid. I love a glass of wine. So does my DH. But in 20 years of marriage, I have never seen him drunk. In fact, the same is true of my entire family - everyone enjoys a drink (and probably several at Christmas), but I don’t think I have ever either hosted or attended a Christmas meal (or similar occasion) where anyone has been noticeably drunk. In the same way, we can all enjoy a slice of cake and leave the rest for tomorrow or to be consigned to the bin. We enjoy an alcoholic drink; we don’t have a problem with alcohol.

Which was what was offered and refused! OP is not insisting everyone gets lashed and offered the main meal to be alcohol free. Sister is insisting no one drinks a drop from Christmas Eve to boxing day inclusive

You do realise that most people in Britiain eat seafood, lamb, beef, salad etc, and that pigs in blankets are usually eaten once a year, on Christmas Day?

It sounds like your sisters boyfriend wants to spend Christmas with his own family and has maybe used the fact that his sisters celebration is alcohol free for a small excuse to not join her in your family celebrations. She's begging for your household to be alcohol free to try to goad him into coming with her with a promise that there will be no alcohol present. Maybe her boyfriend could at least be truthful that he'd rather be with his own sister instead of joining a bunch of family that he maybe doesn't know very well. He's already taking her abroad to his family gathering for new year it's not like she's not spending any of the Christmas period without him. Seems she's the one who can't handle not being with him for all of it rather than him not handling being around so much alcohol

He partner is not family - when they are married he will become family.

It’s unfortunately not reasonable to say no alcohol all day at Christmas. Yourlunch offer is a great solution that she should accept.

The idea of no booze and sugar sounds awful.

@Alondra You still have to wear your hair shirt at Christmas?

After 3 years he should be ok , must be other times hes been around alcohol i wonder if this request has cime from him

can you get everyone to drink gin out of teacups “ alcohol free” booze he does need to know

I used to be married to an alcoholic and it’s a red flag that she is trying to manage this event when he is ostensibly a good few years into recovery, he’s likely not as sober as she is making out, especially odd as in theory she should only have known him sober, I was always highly anxious at event when my husband was in a sober period because I knew how precarious it was and how bad it could be.

if he is actually a few years into sobriety I can’t imagine he would want a whole event to be dry because of him, it would massively highlight the issue! So it’s not good either way. I don’t drink a huge amount and having had the experience I’ve had with being with an alcoholic I do get a bit annoyed when people act like it’s impossible to have fun without alcohol but I do occasionally drink, including at Christmas and it’s nice to have the option!!

It sounds like he was using alcohol as an excuse to do what he really wants. Which is to spend part of it with his own family. Whether she wants to accept it or not 5 months of dating does not equal family. Spending 3 days, the 3 most important days, of Xmas with a new partner's family is intense. Has he even invited her to the alternative? Maybe he is even finding the whole 3 days with a new partner too much. Know I would be.

She sounds a bit full on and desperate. Clutching at straws to make him change his mind. She needs to chill out a bit and do Xmas eve separate from him. Not demand the whole family change their plans to leave him with no excuse to opt out.

YANBU. It is up to him to manage his (non) drinking.

Nope, she can’t dictate what other people do, if she wants to abstain for him that’s up to her but she can’t tell others to do so

@ChristmasDrinking I am a bit concerned that you would find it difficult to get through Christmas day without any alcohol. Do you have an addiction, or have you considered that you may have an addiction?

He used to have alcohol issues

He very much still does have alcohol issues.

Personally I think you’re being generous by saying no alcohol Christmas lunch . I’m not the world’s biggest drinker but I love a good glass of red wine and particularly with a lovely meal . They/he needs to manage this not others managing for them.

No. He can get stuffed.

I was going to say I thought this could be accommodated for one day but I think expecting no alcohol for three days is unreasonable.

Also do you want her partner there all that time?

I think she's being unreasonable to expect to bring him for more than Christmas dinner to be honest. He has his sister to visit - maybe they could invite your sister too and that would solve the problem altogether!