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Original poster

Ultimate Betrayal

512 replies

Mufasa1992 · 16/10/2026 21:43

Been bugging me for a while so here we go.

My wife had her graduation this summer, was so proud of her and all the work she put in. I paid for her gown and graduation photos (solo photo and 1 family photo).

because she’s picked an early morning slot - with travel and the kids it was going to be tight us all making it. So we agreed if me and kids missed pre ceremony photos (wife was driving with parents and siblings) we’d take family photos after the ceremony. To get there on time me and kids needed to set off at 08:00 and with kids being very young the intention was never for us to go into ceremony with it being 90 mins. They’d disrupt the whole thing.

well you guess it we didn’t make it out until after 9, then with driving around for ages looking for parking we just arrived at the end of the ceremony in time to take family photos after.

this was a disaster kids were hungry and in tears in all the photos not looking forward the lot.

fast forward to a few days later and we get to see the photos to choose which ones to order. And the wife has taken beautiful happy photos with her parents and siblings prior to me and kids arriving.

I feel totally betrayed

me and kids were only there for 15 mins despite us being stuck in the car for 2.5 hrs to take photos.

we’ve obviously argued and part of me feels guilty for putting a stain on her big day but the other half thinks why would you take photos without us knowing you that only one family photo could be chosen to purchase.

think it hurts more that’s without us shes got a lovely family photos and with me and the kids she’s got a very messed up unhappy photos.

YABU - she never intended to buy photos without us knowing you and kids and was just indulging herself.

YANBU- yeah she stabbed you in the heart, back and everywhere else. She shouldn’t have taken the photo even if the intention was never to buy.

OP posts:
Sueandthegoldfish · Today 11:21

Too late now, but you can change your photography package.
For one of my daughters we’d booked for her and siblings and then decided on the day to have everyone in… we just paid to update the package.

lifeonourplanet · Today 12:02

People should read the updates before posting

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 12:16

Behaveyourself88 · Today 11:04

2 questions for you

  1. why didn’t you arrange a babysitter so you both could of gone and then you could of watched your wife graduate in peace?
  2. why didn’t you both stay overnight the night before near where your wife was graduating so you knew you would both be on time for the graduation and photos?
  1. because my husband wanted us there
  2. financial reasons
OP posts:
honeylulu · Today 12:29

Mufasa1992 · Today 09:06

Which I did for the second sitting of photos

Show quote history

So you and the kids are in the official photos as was always planned. But you don't like those photos because the kids were being grumpy and the ones of DH with his parents are nicer. How is that your husband's fault?

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 14:09

To answer a few questions

  1. we weren’t late, we got here in time for the second sitting of photos (we didn’t miss getting our photos taken). It was planned we would arrive for the second sitting
  2. We didn’t book a hotel or stay overnight for financial reasons
  3. my husband was late booking the graduation slot so the only options left was the early morning
  4. re changing the package it’s not my graduation so I am reliant on my husband’s information here, same re the hiring of the gown, they had 3 ceremonies the same day so I don’t believe hiring a gown was an option. They literally went round asking people to return them 30 mins after the ceremony was over.
  5. i didn’t kick off and ruin his day,
  6. the title wasn’t meant to be that serious as people have taken it
  7. yeah there have been prior incidents and communication hasn’t been great but I did the sex reversal as I wanted views of this incident in oscillation - but take on board there’s been a built up that maybe led to the end result
  8. no gp couldn’t take kids due to their age.
  9. no babysitter wasn’t an option

i acknowledge i messed up on this occasion

OP posts:
Calliopespa · Today 15:01

Mufasa1992 · Today 14:09

To answer a few questions

  1. we weren’t late, we got here in time for the second sitting of photos (we didn’t miss getting our photos taken). It was planned we would arrive for the second sitting
  2. We didn’t book a hotel or stay overnight for financial reasons
  3. my husband was late booking the graduation slot so the only options left was the early morning
  4. re changing the package it’s not my graduation so I am reliant on my husband’s information here, same re the hiring of the gown, they had 3 ceremonies the same day so I don’t believe hiring a gown was an option. They literally went round asking people to return them 30 mins after the ceremony was over.
  5. i didn’t kick off and ruin his day,
  6. the title wasn’t meant to be that serious as people have taken it
  7. yeah there have been prior incidents and communication hasn’t been great but I did the sex reversal as I wanted views of this incident in oscillation - but take on board there’s been a built up that maybe led to the end result
  8. no gp couldn’t take kids due to their age.
  9. no babysitter wasn’t an option

i acknowledge i messed up on this occasion

Edited

Well put it behind you now OP.

Your DH has his degree, he has some nice photos.

Have a think about what is bothering you in the relationship more generally and communicate it to him clearly. Otherwise what tends to happen (it's not uncommon) is you end up rupturing your patience on an incident like this that doesn't really do you justice because the incident itself doesn't warrant it.

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 15:28

I have done some reflecting, as people suggested.

i think what pissed me off was, I put my everything into making occasions special making sure kids are ready looking nice and taking lovely pictures and making memories for everyone else, not once has anyone else taken a single picture of me. I am just missing from these occasions despite being the one who makes them happen.

i have looked and felt like shit after the kids and this was an opportunity to get a nice picture of everybody with me in it too.

I am not bothered whether my kids were happy sad but it mattered we were all together.

so the fact my husband took the pictures without hurt a lot. We have spoken about him taking pictures of me on special occasions( that are not rushed and in unflattering poses) as well as the birthday incident. And it still happens especially at an important event like this. So yeah I got pissed when I saw the family pics without me and the kids.

also their is no jealousy about his graduation, I have a degree myself - which most of my family couldn’t/ didn’t attend and the memory of why they weren’t there makes me sad looking at those pictures. I didn’t want that for him.

so I made sure we were there. I made sure his parents and sister could attend the ceremony. I made sure he went. I wanted him to have a nice day and have good memories.

but as some posters have said think us being there just stressed him out. That also makes me sad that because of us he couldn’t have a nice day

OP posts:
notyetbranded · Today 15:50

This is not a betrayal. This is simply your wife taking some photos with her family. It’s a shame you had such an issue getting there but honestly? This sort of overdramatic response to such a small thing makes you sound very controlling.

ImogenBrocklehurst · Today 15:58

I lost all sympathy after “the wife”.

Edited to add: just read your update: this is a reverse, isn’t it?

SummerAsh · Today 16:18

Mufasa1992 · Today 14:09

To answer a few questions

  1. we weren’t late, we got here in time for the second sitting of photos (we didn’t miss getting our photos taken). It was planned we would arrive for the second sitting
  2. We didn’t book a hotel or stay overnight for financial reasons
  3. my husband was late booking the graduation slot so the only options left was the early morning
  4. re changing the package it’s not my graduation so I am reliant on my husband’s information here, same re the hiring of the gown, they had 3 ceremonies the same day so I don’t believe hiring a gown was an option. They literally went round asking people to return them 30 mins after the ceremony was over.
  5. i didn’t kick off and ruin his day,
  6. the title wasn’t meant to be that serious as people have taken it
  7. yeah there have been prior incidents and communication hasn’t been great but I did the sex reversal as I wanted views of this incident in oscillation - but take on board there’s been a built up that maybe led to the end result
  8. no gp couldn’t take kids due to their age.
  9. no babysitter wasn’t an option

i acknowledge i messed up on this occasion

Edited

Did you and your husband/wife change sex before or after the graduation?

pilates · Today 16:32

Are you always so dramatic?

Original poster
Mufasa1992 · Today 16:57

SummerAsh · Today 16:18

Did you and your husband/wife change sex before or after the graduation?

Show quote history

Before then we changed back after

OP posts:
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