To be mortified and so upset about how this date ended?

To be fair I think she was talking about the sex as he said how it was ok to just snog etc and not proceed to sex and he’d not apologise for not progressing further physically . So it was about him rejecting sex.

im fairly sure she’d not have done that sober and that’s why she apologised. She has also commented several times about how he was feeling her arse and it normally leads to sex when that happens and she did feel he led her on, basically to think sex was an option.

there is no doubt he handled it badly, not initially, he said it was late, he was tired, wished to see her again, feels valid at 2 in the morning when you’re drunk. But it appears to be after this, as she didn’t beleive his words, and assumed for some reason it meant he didn’t fancy her, despite all evidence to the contrary.

i think this is she didn’t take the rejection well , reacted badly. He then reacted badly to that, and the whole thing descended into something neither of them wish to revisit.

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for.

I'd keep my options open, wish him well and move on. If it's meant to be, it will be.

I think @Venusunbroken probably has it right. You'd be better to move on OP. One way or another this man is not going to do you any good. He's treating you in a suspiciously manipulative "pull-you-near-then-push-you away" sort of way. You have nothing to apologise to him for. It's not you. It's him. Block him and move on. I hope you find someone less "approach-avoid", who isn't so well-known in the bars he frequents (usually a v bad sign). Good luck.

Yeah let it go...
Dont pity party; im sorry you did get a great time but it happens and thats ok.

There is so much in this. Forgive yourself @AmberCatz

You were simply trying to date someone who you liked spending time with. I think he did mislead you, but you took all the blame for that on yourself.

So it now transpires that he first of all claimed to be a very hard working artist, then he isn't because it turns out he's a bit of a bar fly on nights out described as a bit of a " problem"
Most of what you are embarrassed about is that you were drunk, and you don't usually drink as much. But he was the one who kept extending the drinking and visiting several bars. He came across to me as someone who plays hot and cold with people to keep them keen.

And as woollensmashkin said, why did he say he's a fantastic friend and relative,but left you alone in the street struggling to get a taxi at 2.00 am when you just wanted to get home safe.

If you want to see what it might be like to date someone like that. There's a current thread on here where an OP is living with an artist who also isn't producing any art or income at all and his mum thinks his GF, who works long hard 12 hour shifts should carry on funding his billls and "lifestyle" without complaint and as she has the potential to earn more than him "it's only right" She comes home to find the house a pig sty and he won't even make her a cup of tea.

You were generous enough to apologise and he replied.. so I think you've done as much as you could (more in fact) and hopefully it makes you feel a bit better. It's a shame it didn't work out but You sound like an outgoing sociable kind of person. This has just been a set back, but hopefully the next person you meet will be genuinely kind (not just tell you they are) and wouldn't encourage you to drink too much without making sure you got home safe.

It is a bit of a red flag to feel dragged into a lifeestyle you've long since left behind, and that your friends thought he was much younger than he really is.

I'm glad you've got some good friends you can talk to in real life, it all helps to get it out of your system and put it behind you. Hope you have a great weekend with your friends and enjoy yourself.

Talk about mixed messages. You read all those early signs exactly the same way that most people would.

Perhaps he's not ready to sleep together and was unsure how to say it without sounding prudish. Wait for him to contact you but don't feel embarrassed, you should feel powerful for being able to articulate what you want from a man (particularly a man who clearly does like you).

Sorry for the Mumsnet deep dive...you've posted after almost every single meet with this guy? And now you're really upset.

There's no relationship to fix here. You hardly know each other. Block him.

I'm sorry you feel bad but friends/dates shouldn't be this hard.

You're outgoing and popular so maybe he wants you as a social contact but not as a person (especially if he's a struggling artist type).

I'm not supersuccessful but if you look me up on SM I can sound impressive 🤣 - I used to be approached by potential "friends" who just wanted my networks and saw me as an easy mark!

They'd love bomb me initially but they were clearly feeling me out to see what cool activities and people I could introduce them to. It was quite hurtful but I've learned to have better judgement.

Has he even clarified if they're dates you're going on?

I agree he seems to be giving you false hope in some ways. Equally I think there is a responsibility not to read too much into little gestures.

This connection is making you feel shit just pie him off? Unless he's your friends dear twin brother who is madly in love with you, your mutual friends won't care or notice.

You're just two people who hung out and it didn't work out.

This definitely sounds like his issue. So don’t bother yourself with second guessing. He may have performance issues or self confidence problems or be confused sexually. I think you did the right thing pushing him to pin his colours to the mast. Now you know. Don’t waste any more time on him

Maybe he did like you and was put off that you wanted to have sex early on in dating under those circumstances. I personally dont judge and its 2026 if you wanted to have sex good for you.. but you do get the odd man that is put off by it.. if they like you for something more serious they want to think your hard to get and boost there ego when they do finally get you... they just respect you more for it. Again no judgements from me just trying to think how his brain might of been working as I dont believe he would of had several dates and made out with you if he wasnt interested!

He is just not that into you. And that's ok, just move on.

Also bear in mind he might have other issues around sex eg ED or something else. Better to know sooner than later.

Never let a man tell you more than once he doesn’t want you.

In his defence he may not have led you on. He may have genuinely liked you before that evening. I’ve had situations where one comment or action just gave me the ick and I had to back off quickly. The whole, ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’ is just a kinder way of telling the other person you’ve changed your mind.

I think this guy is gay

He sounds like a big soft-arsed pussy. He will be nothing but trouble. Chuck him back in!

While I do not blame him for my drinking, he dragged me into a lifestyle for the night that I've long since left behind.

yes this is blaming him, you’re a grown up, you do need to fully take responsibility for your own decisions,

OP how did he drag you. you had no say?

What he said sounds like total bs OP. What single man, who fancies a woman, turns down sex?!

He is either cheating, has ED, or there is something he isn't telling you. Don't overthink it, you were absolutely right to demand an apology from him - he DID lead you on. Look at all the drama he has already created. Block him and forget about him. Nothing good will come of this.

After everything I've read, OP is the walking red flag and he's had the lucky escape.

So a man doesn't want to have sex so he must have Erectile Dysfunction, be having an affair, have some other conspiracy going on he can't just not want to have sex?

How on earth poster's on here know all this?

A drunk one at 2am who has work the next day and doesn’t want to shag a very drunk woman?

Maybe he was concerned that as you were drunk, you lacked capacity to make proper judgements and give valid consent.

(This would not be unreasonable of him and would make me like him more).

Agree - every “bisexual” man I’ve ever known has only slept with men and turned out to be fully gay later on. It’s like they’re not quite ready to embrace the whole thing so keep one foot in the other door whilst they are coming to accept themselves.
I’m not saying this applies to all bisexual men but must be a good portion based on my experience.

@AmberCatz Well he was and has been leading you on. So now you know what he's like. He's not your guy. Let him go. Bye bye! And you have done nothing wrong.

I can think of a bi ex-boyfriend of mine (relationship was many, many years ago, but we’ve kept in touch) who was definitely attracted to men as well as women, but came from an old-fashioned, very religious background (in terms of the wider society as well as his own family) and, other than some furtive encounters in his student days, I don’t think ever felt brave enough to explore relationships with men.

He’d had an 8- year relationship with a woman before me — she dumped him because he clearly didn’t want to progress it. Then me. I ended it with him after a year. Then he married a woman and they had two children, I think partly to please his elderly, old-fashioned parents, part,y because she wanted to and he was quite passive. He divorced her out of the blue after about ten years saying he wanted more than this, and I remember saying to him that he owed it to himself and to his ex-wife (who was blindsided and heartbroken, though I think he was a dreadful, lazy DH) and their children, to make sure he made himself the life he wanted now, after causing such upset. I assumed he would explore gay relationships, as I’d felt strongly that was what he was suppressing all along. But he drifted into another relationship with a woman and remarried (at her instigation, as a non-national who needed a visa). His first marriage had also been instigated by his wife.

I think that the religious and conservative training of his upbringing was too engrained.