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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed at my husband over something that happened at my sister’s wedding?

175 replies

Springsunshine28 · 21/09/2026 14:02

I was one of the bridesmaids at my sister’s wedding. We were walking down a slope, and another bridesmaid was ahead of me. She was wearing high heels and was struggling a bit to walk down, so my husband, who was at the bottom, helped her.
I was coming down after her, and my husband could see me. He actually signalled to me to wait, and then went back to help the same bridesmaid again.
This is what annoyed me. He had already helped her earlier, and when he saw me coming down, I assumed he would come towards me next, especially as I'm his wife. Instead, he chose to help her first again and told me to wait.
I don't think he was necessarily doing anything inappropriate. She was genuinely struggling in her high heels, and perhaps he was simply being a gentleman and helping her.
But I still felt a bit annoyed that he saw me and chose to help her first. Maybe it's completely irrational, but I couldn't help thinking, "I'm your wife standing right here!"
AIBU for feeling annoyed about this, or was he simply being helpful and I'm making too much of a small thing?

OP posts:
JontyGentooey · 21/09/2026 16:05

Leopardspota · 21/09/2026 14:03

How long ago was this? I’d have mentioned it to my husband the next day, I can never stew over this type of thing. I’d have expected an immediate apology.

Wtf ?? 😂😂

OP I thought you were about to say he got drunk and vommed in the roses or something. Unless he was already helping you and suddenly let go to run to her aid, causing you to fall over, then I think I'd barely notice this.

GCAcademic · 21/09/2026 16:10

Springsunshine28 · 21/09/2026 14:48

He was helping the same bridesmaid on 2 different occasions.

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OMG, it’s like he cheated on you twice! At a wedding, of all places. LTB.

bunnypenny · 21/09/2026 16:11

Leopardspota · 21/09/2026 14:10

Sorry you felt that I put another woman before you, that was not my intention.

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You do understand that ”i’m sorry you felt that…..” isn’t actually an apology, it’s the opposite and actually blames the OP for her (odd) reaction?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/09/2026 16:14

I’m not quite sure how he was helping her on two different occasions? Was he not just finishing the job of helping her once? Or had she moved on to a different hill by then?

Do you think he should just have stayed by you, helping you throughout?

NotAnotherScarf · 21/09/2026 16:18

Leopardspota · 21/09/2026 14:10

Sorry you felt that I put another woman before you, that was not my intention.

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Sorry, you expect your husband to always be at hand to help you and ignore someone who is struggling even though you're not? Surely the fact that he has excellent manners reflects on you and your choice in marrying him...if you weren't struggling (and here the op didn't seem to be) you'd expect him to dump her and help you even though you weren't struggling

HAPPILYMARRIEDSINCE2012 · 21/09/2026 16:21

FluffMagnet · 21/09/2026 15:57

So your husband kindly helped someone in need on difficult terrain, and had the audacity to ask you to wait until he had got this person where she needed to go before he started helping you? In your mind, should he: a) abandoned her whilst she was still struggling to run to the aid of his wife, who was not yet on the tricky terrain, or b) split himself in two/cloned himself to be available to render assistance in two different places at the same time?

Come on OP, I think you know YABU here...

Edited

This

StarPyjamas · 21/09/2026 16:21

Leopardspota · 21/09/2026 15:39

I’d say so, if she felt slighted, which she did.

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If you're the sort of person who always apologises to people when you're not in the wrong, do you not get completely taken advantage of in life?

Anyahyacinth · 21/09/2026 16:29

Similar happened to me with a new beau ..he helped his Mum at a party up a grassy slope to the entrance door and I was just abandoned and I’d dressed to impress in new very pretty satin high heels…it was all I needed to know…(well that and his desperation to get a photo with his much younger niece in law he had a thing for “her eyes” who was wearing a deliberately sheer dress over pants and a bra). Well rid. Yikes!

Hope that makes your situation feel lighter, better OP

DoNotIron · 21/09/2026 16:29

Does he have form for putting you last? My DP likes to be helpful to people, but it often involves me being inconvenienced or moved down his list of priorities or otherwise being expected to move aside while he plays Mr Helpful (he had a horrible upbringing which has made him a people pleaser, so I try very hard to understand.) If there is a history of behaviour similar to this, then I could see why you might be miffed.

Calliopespa · 21/09/2026 16:32

Depends what he helped her with? Did she have an itchy fanny?

Stop being so silly: he told you to wait, so clearly was coming to help you as well. Poor guy ...

girljulian · 21/09/2026 16:35

This can't be real..

MegJoBethandAmytoo · 21/09/2026 16:46

Be honest, this was like sixteen years ago or something wasn't it?

CherryKerry · 21/09/2026 16:51

YANBU assuming that we're awaiting the big drip feed that inappropriately shoed bridesmaid then gave him a sneaky blowie to say thanks for his gentlemanly ways.

Otherwise YABU....

HangryHippos · 21/09/2026 16:55

You’re right OP, he should have let her fall on her face as soon as he saw you.

JustGoogleIt15 · 21/09/2026 17:00

He saw that her need was greater than yours
Or
He fancies her more than you
Or
He has White Knight Syndrome
Or
He likes to be seen to be helpful by non family - a show off
Or
Hes a nice guy to everyone but you
Or
Your marriage is shaky

LoveWine123 · 21/09/2026 17:00

You should leave him before he cheats on you again with that bridesmaid. What a bastard.

Foodwench66 · 21/09/2026 17:03

She was ahead of you. Maybe he was going to help you next, if you needed help since again....she was in front of you. Get a grip please!

ginasevern · 21/09/2026 17:04

@ViaRia01 Was the bridesmaid young and fanciable OP? If so, his dick was probably urging him to "help" her. But that's men for you.

BadSkiingMum · 21/09/2026 17:05

Actually, I have reconsidered my stance.

If Bridesmaid 1 was still needing the help then he should continue helping her until she was on steady terrain, then go back to help his wife.

Because it would be no good if Bridesmaid 1 broke her ankle on the second slope because he had left her in order to be ‘fair’ and assist his own wife. Better for OP to wait a minute and then no ankle injuries occur!

Foodwench66 · 21/09/2026 17:05

MajorSamanthaCarter · 21/09/2026 14:13

Unless he led her down by the boobs I'm not seeing the problem.

Ok I'm giggling at the visual I'm getting.....Thanks for the laugh, I needed that!

Nopersbro · 21/09/2026 17:06

He didn't help her "twice" though (he paused and then continued helping, presumably as it was clear she was still struggling) but even if he had, so what? It's logical that he would continue to escort her until she was on firm ground/steady on her feet, and then turn and see if you also needed help. He likely motioned to you to wait so he could help you next if needed; it would make no sense to abandon her and help you as she would have been struggling right in front of the two of you, in your way as you walked forward.

(I'm glad you posted this, though. It's a useful counter-example for the Manosphere Bros who keep popping up these days claiming that "Mumsnet" demands that EVERYONE must LTB no matter what!)

FriendlyMedusa · 21/09/2026 17:06

Calliopespa · 21/09/2026 16:32

Depends what he helped her with? Did she have an itchy fanny?

Stop being so silly: he told you to wait, so clearly was coming to help you as well. Poor guy ...

Depends what he helped her with? Did she have an itchy fanny?
I'm cackling, thank you for this.

Wolfpa · 21/09/2026 17:07

You wanted him to walk past the person in front of you, help you past her and then go back for her?

no good deed goes unpunished I suppose

Dontlletmedownbruce · 21/09/2026 17:07

Jesus, how insecure and controlling are you really? Pls tell us of some other awful things you survived. Did he refill the kettle after pouring his tea at work? Did he open the door for a man using a zimmerframe? Offered to let the delivery man use the toilet?

Lifejigsaw · 21/09/2026 17:07

So, did you want him to tell her to wait and help you instead? Perhaps he didn't feel able to be that blunt with her but could with you as you're his wife?