AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

I would trust the divorce process.

Not sure how you ended up married to this twerp but you need to get unmarried asap. Your life will be incomparably easier without him.

He’s not stressed about money and doesn’t care that you are, because he doesn’t truly care about you.

Can you imagine if you have children with him? He will insist you spend most of your salary on childcare, because he couldn't possibly look after a baby and also work on his art and earing his huve 50 quid salary. You come home exhausted, picking up the baby from their full time daycare to a total mess and hubby sitting on the sofa demanding what's for dinner.

It was but he still went back to work afterwards as (not surprisingly) it didn't make enough money to make up for years of lost income.

The main problem is not that he’s lazy, it’s that he absolutely doesn’t care how his laziness affects you. When he’s challenged he doubles down. I think his reaction means there is no hope for this to improve or for him to suddenly start caring about you and behaving like a decent husband. You’re so young, you work so hard in a really tough job and you deserve a husband who treasures you and supports you. And you have plenty of time to find one if you get rid of this fool.

He should be so ashamed to be sponging off you and lying around doing nothing surrounded by mess for you to come home to, and he’s not.

He’s disgusting. I’d file for divorce like, this afternoon, I’d never look back

this entire situation is yuk

It’s really unclear what you want from this thread op.

after your first post, everyone could work out that the best thing for your own life was to get divorced, due to the fact that he is a parasite who adds absolutely no value to your life.

coming back every few hours and adding another anecdote about how awful he is, isn’t going to change anyone’s advice from divorce him.

it’s irritating in a way. If you just enjoy being miserable, and married to someone who treats you like shit, then it would be great if you could include in your op that you intend to stay married and just want to rant. If that is the case, get counselling though to unpick which part of your childhood has resulted in you wanting this for your life.

When you do leave or get the process moving, let us know.

Are you hanging in there in order to benefit from any inheritance DH might get in the future or what?

Give her a chance. She only first posted yesterday. It can take a while to work through your feelings and thoughts, let alone formulating a plan.

The quicker you leave the less of your money he'll leech off you.

I don't understand how you're living in a gross area with his rich dad though. Surely daddy would have funded a deposit?

You can bet your bottom dollar daddy will pay for him to have a shit hot divorce lawyer trying to rinse you for everything. Get out now would be my advice.

What I want to know is how you married him in the first place?

His mother has told him that as I am projected to earn more as I get more experience that it’s unfair I’m expecting him to contribute more.

Seriously????!

Fair point, sorry op.

I remember you posting all this last year and just like then I’m wondering why you’re still with this loser who you say disgusts you? Could it be because you would struggle financially to live alone?

Cut your losses, sell the house and get rid of this jerk. A houseshare would be better than living with this lazy pig, surely?

Does he need to check with his mother before deciding what he thinks?

You’re young, you have so much ahead of you - I’d sack this one off now. He’s had his chance to out in effort of some sort but hasn’t bothered. Does he even do stuff around the house? It’ll only get worse if you’re trapped with a baby. He is speaking to you horribly, it’s honestly time to run for the hills.

Venting on MN is an escape valve. It lets off emotionally steam....but doesn't resolve the problem.

You keep venting how inadequate he is but it's an end dead street. You don't respect him and he disgust you. Instead of looking at him and how he makes you feel, focuss on yourself - your chore values, integrity and all you've accomplished at 29.

Don't be a passive passenger on your life - make the decision to leave him. Only you can do it.

You are so young. This twit is sucking the life out of you. I hope you literally walk out tomorrow. He will drain the life out of you.

Lazy, entitled people dont change.

OP, you are my younger self.

Divorce him asap. You are going to end up divorced anyhow; the longer you leave it, the more of your pension and other assets he will be able to get.

I get that when you are working nonres doctor hours you don't always have any mental bandwidth left to make big life moves. But you will find that once this albatross is no longer around your neck, you will feel a lot lighter and freer.

There is no way back from where you are. Take it from me. Get out now.

Divorce him and enjoy your life without this dead weight.

Short marriage, get out now. Before you really are financially responsible for him.
He won't change, this is who he is. If you stay, you need to learn to suck it up, happily, or else it will destroy you.

You are enabling him same as his dad did. I’d divorce him. Well actually I wouldn’t have married him.

Please do go and find someone else @Stressedbadlydressed
You sound exhausted by everything but you need to find the energy to divorce this useless man. I can guarantee that things will only get worse for you if you do not.

You have realised that your married to a entitled man child. He does not want to work. His attitude is why should he work when you can support him. He then asks why your short of money. The reason your short of money is because you're giving him money constantly.
You come home at the end of a 12 hour shift and he sitting there in a possible dirty house and not even a dinner ready for you.

Meanwhile your a doctor who is constantly busy in work and to progress further in your career you need to decide what area you want to end up in long term. As well as work you will have to do futher study to get the up the ladder as a doctor. You need to concentrate now on your work and decide what you want long term in your medical career.

At this stage I would speak to a solicitor and get a divorce. You can get into housing especially for doctors and medical staff. Let your husband move back to his mammy and she can support him. I ring your fil as well and tell him that your getting divorced and about all the money you given his son.
It time to get rid of this man, work on building up your career and improving your own finances. You need to be with a man who will support you in your career and not a leech like man.

I'm an oldie and in my experience this type of person will always be a taker and will never change. When they are like this they spend all, or most, of any inheritance.

You on the other hand are a giver. My advice is to get rid of this hanger on and love your life. You will never be happy with him and he is never going to change. Why make your life miserable? If you meet someone with a similar mindset to yours you will be much happier and your life will be enriched.

My husband has supported me at various times such as going part time after having kids and more recently when I needed a period of time out of work due to stress, however the difference is that we have always been on the same page regarding finances and sharing our load and have made joint decisions about how many hours / how much we can live on and tighten our belts accordingly or increase working hours. We treat our money as one joint pot, and give ourselves a little out of that for our own personal funds.

it sounds like your money is still separate? There is no such thing as my husband borrowing money from me! which actually thank goodness it is separate as he would probably squander through your joint accounts!

it does not sound like you are a team, you have different financial views and different work ethics- sorry but this does not sound like a relationship that will work long term unless he shows some proactive steps in the right direction. I’d call it a day, focus on your career and find someone who has the same ideals as you.