AIBU to resent funding my husband while he works part-time?

He’s a lazy fucker and he would be an even more lazy fucker if
you had kids. You would do everything you do now and the majority at home too. I would not want a husband like that.

This with bells.

He has shown you who he is: an over privileged prick who lets others do the heavy lifting. When people show you who they are, believe hem. You’ve worked hard and done well for yourself, don’t let this idiot be your downfall.

Absolute bollocks. Show us just one single thread where the woman works part time, no kids and refuses to do anymore whilst her husband works 12 hours days and wants her to take on more. Lets see all this mythical support she gets.

This

He is acting like he is the prize and you should fund his life merely because he exists. YOU ARE THE PRIZE. YOU!

what does he bring to the table? His mother is enabling him probably because she lives off his dads money. His dad has the measure of him. This man gaslights you by telling you you are lucky, underplaying your efforts and contributions because he is so entitled.

He can work he just does not want to and never will as long as someone else bankrolls him and that person is you.

use that £16k you have to get out. Because you know he will be wanting that when you leave him. Rent in an area YOU want to live in. You are a keyworker you can even apply for keyworker housing through peabody and the likes (just google keyworker housing). I have no doubt you will in the future attract a man worthy of you but this entitled ball and chain is not it.

So are you going to leave?

I very much doubt it. I read many stories about SAHM on here and most frequent advice for them is to return to work or up their hours to maintain financial independence. And there is another important distinction - this man is not a SAHP. There are no children and he is not running a household.
I spent some time subsidising my partner when he was in the middle of writing a novel. But he also took over most of the household management so the split was fair and we had a firm deadline for how long he is giving creative writing a go.

Oh god leave him. He’s never going to change, this is his entire character. He thinks the world owes him a living

I hope you answered that you spend your money on him and that is why you have not money,

what are you going to do to get out the situation? Why would you stay?

please please look at keyworker housing, you can get rental versions too with the money you have and then build your savings back up after you divorce, leave this pig and live your life free of him.

You deserve better. Value yourself more. You've worked hard to get where you are. Don't support this loser anymore. He's shown his true colours. You can't bring children into this marriage, so if that's what you want, make moves. Good luck

I'm so sorry for you @Stressedbadlydressed. You are young and really really really need to listen to the advice of older women on your thread. If you've a mum in your life, I would hope she's giving you the same guidance. This young man is a spoiled brat, not an artistic genius just waiting to be discovered. There is no process, nor a magic something that will ever resolve this. He's had so many material advantages in his life and it would appear that he's squandered them all. You are his latest material advantage and he won't even miss a heartbeat when he's squandered you. Please find a way to get out of this toxic relationship before you've invested too much. You sound very sensible and capable and deserve so much better. Like all the other PP here, I wish you well in bidding goodbye to this loser.

Send him back to mummy and daddy OP they can afford him you can't ! best of luck in your new life

Well you know what you need to do. The more you challenge him, the more vile he will be. It's safest to dump him without wasting your breath any further. He's not a good husband, he has no respect for you and he wouldn't be a good father.

Those situations are not the same. The 'sponging' woman actually raised children and took care of the house, and her husband was happy she did that. One can debate if there is really enough to do 'manage the house' when you have no DC at home - but that's up to the couple. Totally possible the husband quite enjoyed having a clean house and dinner on the table every day.

OP in this thread is not happy and has not agreed to this situation. And doesn't come home to a clean house and dinner on the table - she comes home to clean after her slob of a husband. Not the same at all.

Just leave him. It’s not going to change.

Think you may be asking wrong people. Have an honest conversation about the life you want and expectations..

He's told you to find someone else, so tell him that's what you're going to do and he needs to go back to his mum's. It'll either shock him into action or confirm his belligerence and your need to end things. You're never going to start being attracted to him again the way he is. Is this the life you want? If not you need to take action to end things and find your own happiness.

he’s not stressed about money, he’s happy with his contribution

Well you know what to respond next time he asks you for money. He's happy, he doesn't need any.

Your husband is showing you very clearly who he is, please believe him. He has zero intention of finding himself a job on any level, now or in the future. He's told you to go and find someone else... because he either thinks or knows you'll complain but ultimately do nothing about the situation.

You need to put on your big girl pants and go and see a solicitor for advice. As someone else mentioned, is there a cultural issue at play here OP, where you feel you can't divorce him?

You need to start thinking of your future here. If you don't end your marriage, you'll going to be stuck in this vicious circle forever, growing more resentful and miserable. Your husband has a life of riley, of course he's not going to want it to change. If you have children, he's not going to suddenly see the light and become a model husband. He's never had to lift a finger whilst living at home with his parents, and he expects to carry on exactly the same.

You have married a spoilt, entitled, lazy man-child, who is very immature.

You have today off, research local divorce solicitors. Make an appointment for later in the week.

I find this quite upsetting to read. He takes you for granted and I doubt this is going to improve. You are too young to spend the rest of your life like this.
Go and see a solicitor in private and find out what separation and divorce would look like for you. Knowledge is power.
While you think things through, just stop subbing him. In fact every time he asks for money, say no, and put that amount in a savings account FOR YOU instead. It can build up into an escape fund.

Was it ever published?

Stop talking to him.
There is nothing to say.
File for divorce before there are assets.
Do it today.
End the shared housing.
Look for a studio for yourself.
He really is a parasite.

I know you loved him but honeslty i would leave now. Your projected to increase your earnings as you get more experience. The longer you stay, ultimately the more you'll have to pay out in divorce. As its stands your on 45k and 16k in savings, no house, no children, short marriage, you'll mostly get to walk away, if you leave it longer he could go after your savings, your pension, half of any house you buy. Hes shown you who he is, believe him and plan accordingly. Good luck x

Echo everyone.
Just file for divorce now.
He isn't your future.