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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't be bothered sharing a bed at hen do

105 replies

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:19

Been invited to a hen do in March 2027, the wedding is in May.
As per the previous hens I went on years ago, it'll be a generous sum to share a room and a bed with someone. Seems to be a thing to rent out an airbnb/house, pay £150 and not even get your own bed.

I'm not the best sleeper as it is and I'd rather get a £40 travelodge and have my own room. These are school friends I see now once or twice a year, they've made no effort to travel to me, ever and we barely speak. I think I've just been invited as I'm 'part of the furniture' rather than anyone actively wanting me there.

It'll look odd though if I book my own hotel somewhere else, I begrudge spending hundreds on any of them anymore when I get absolutely nothing out of them. I know people will say just don't go, but I'm also invited to the wedding and I feel like it'd be rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:20

I share a room with my partner, that's it, I'm too old for this now.

OP posts:
StarPyjamas · 19/09/2026 18:21

It'll look odd though if I book my own hotel somewhere else

No it won't.

Just tell them what you told us 🤷‍♂️

abracadabra1980 · 19/09/2026 18:22

Polite excuse (feign illness, medical procedure, work etc..) for the hen do. Go to the wedding. In the past it was called a 'little white lie' and ultimately it does nobody any harm.

StarPyjamas · 19/09/2026 18:22

I voted YABU.

But only because you're making a problem where there isn't one.

I wouldn't share either and they can either choose to understand or not.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 19/09/2026 18:22

Why are you even going?

Original poster
Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:22

I should..
I'll probably set me up to be 'talked about' because I'll probably be the only one doing it.

I went to visit one of them last year where she lives (I've travelled down to her multiple times over the years but I've stopped now because I get 0 effort back) and she insisted on us sharing a bed.
It was squashed and I didn't enjoy it, but she kept insisting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:24

I probably am making an issue, but in some groups it's difficult to just say no to something that everyone else is doing, you end up alienating yourself a little and being discussed. I'll have a think about what to say.

OP posts:
PickNMixwe · 19/09/2026 18:24

If you dont like them don't go to the hen do or wedding. Just fade yourself out.

thisismeithinkorisit · 19/09/2026 18:24

well it doesn't sound like you like the bride, so decline it all obviously

Original poster
Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:25

It's not that i don't like them, but they make 0 effort with me (and I have raised this previously) so i stopped contacting them and arranging meet ups. The hen invite came out of the blue, but i can't imagine anyone actually being disappointed if I don't go.

OP posts:
Thesummer · 19/09/2026 18:25

Just make an excuse to not go to the hen altogether, it sounds like you don't want to. March is ages away so it won't be rude to drop out now. If you're just "part of the furniture" they won't mind or care too much tbh (no offence).

DelphiniumBlue · 19/09/2026 18:26

"Sorry, can't make it to the hen do, but looking forward to seeing you all the wedding".
If you need a cast iron excuse, book something else ( eg a show) for that date. But you don't need an excuse, you don't have to accept every invitation. And YANBU not to want to share a bed.

thisismeithinkorisit · 19/09/2026 18:26

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:25

It's not that i don't like them, but they make 0 effort with me (and I have raised this previously) so i stopped contacting them and arranging meet ups. The hen invite came out of the blue, but i can't imagine anyone actually being disappointed if I don't go.

do you like the bride? do you actively enjoy her company and get something from the relationship?

Original poster
Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:26

thisismeithinkorisit · 19/09/2026 18:24

well it doesn't sound like you like the bride, so decline it all obviously

I don't dislike her as a person at all, I've just tried to distance myself from the group because they're just casual acquaintances and I didn't get back what I was putting in.

OP posts:
ItsAlwaysTwins · 19/09/2026 18:26

I’m with you. I’m shortly going away for a long weekend to a spa with a bunch of girlfriends to celebrate a 50th. I have already said I am not sharing a room and I’ve paid a bit more than the others to have my own room.

I am too old to be sharing a bloody room.

Strawberryfruitstarburst · 19/09/2026 18:27

I don’t share rooms with anyone apart from
my partner and child, not even my own mother. YANBU

DangerousLesions · 19/09/2026 18:28

But if you 'barely speak', who cares what they think? Do you want to go to the hen do, and do you want to go to the wedding? If the honest answer is 'no' on both counts, spare yourself the cost and stress of the hen do, and they'll be no need for awkward feelings because you won't be at the wedding either. You've said yourself you're just furniture to them. Pretty disrespectful.

Ponderingwindow · 19/09/2026 18:29

It’s ok to skip the hen and still go to the wedding.

Why grown adults think sharing beds or even rooms is acceptable just because it is a hen do is beyond me.

DangerousLesions · 19/09/2026 18:29

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:25

It's not that i don't like them, but they make 0 effort with me (and I have raised this previously) so i stopped contacting them and arranging meet ups. The hen invite came out of the blue, but i can't imagine anyone actually being disappointed if I don't go.

They probably just want you to share the costs. Don't be used like this.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 19/09/2026 18:30

2 options either

  1. go and use it as an opportunity to reconnect and remember why you were friends. The beds thing you is another decision within this option.
2 tell them you can’t make it and don’t go. if you’ve been trying to distance yourself anyway then why would you go?

It sounds like you’re feeling a little left out. Have you moved further away? Do you invite them to yours and they decline?

BriarTime · 19/09/2026 18:32

Hell, no. I’d be getting the Travelodge. God help the poor soul who has to share a bed with me these days. Between the snoring and the night sweats and the farting I’m a horror show. Just tell them you need your own room/bed, OP. If they still insist on you sharing then they’re the ones being weird. Sharing a bed is quite an intimate thing, really. It’s normal to be uncomfortable at that.

Morecoffeeneedef · 19/09/2026 18:32

Is it too late to say you can't make thr hen do because you have a family/work party?

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 19/09/2026 18:33

It doesn’t sound like you’re remotely interested in going, and you don’t sound especially fond of the bride, so just say you can’t make it.

ginasevern · 19/09/2026 18:39

@Herecomethegirls1 "i can't imagine anyone actually being disappointed if I don't go."

Seriously, don't go to either of it then. They're casual "friends" that you barely see and they can't be arsed to put any effort in. Personally I'd hate to share a bed, or even a bedroom with someone at my age. I'd rather forego the wedding a million times over. You really won't be able to stay in a hotel separately from them without causing an atmosphere, so the simple answer is not to go to any of it. Just phase them out and politely decline the hen do and wedding. Honestly, what's the worst that can happen?

watchingthishtread · 19/09/2026 18:39

Sharing a bed or sharing a room?

Sharing a bed is a hard no. Sharing a room is ok. That said, hen nights are pita. Just make up an excuse.

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