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Original poster

Can't be bothered sharing a bed at hen do

105 replies

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:19

Been invited to a hen do in March 2027, the wedding is in May.
As per the previous hens I went on years ago, it'll be a generous sum to share a room and a bed with someone. Seems to be a thing to rent out an airbnb/house, pay £150 and not even get your own bed.

I'm not the best sleeper as it is and I'd rather get a £40 travelodge and have my own room. These are school friends I see now once or twice a year, they've made no effort to travel to me, ever and we barely speak. I think I've just been invited as I'm 'part of the furniture' rather than anyone actively wanting me there.

It'll look odd though if I book my own hotel somewhere else, I begrudge spending hundreds on any of them anymore when I get absolutely nothing out of them. I know people will say just don't go, but I'm also invited to the wedding and I feel like it'd be rude.

OP posts:
watchingthishtread · 19/09/2026 18:40

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:26

I don't dislike her as a person at all, I've just tried to distance myself from the group because they're just casual acquaintances and I didn't get back what I was putting in.

Show quote history

That's a totally different issue to sharing a bed or a room. Don't go.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/09/2026 18:42

StarPyjamas · 19/09/2026 18:21

It'll look odd though if I book my own hotel somewhere else

No it won't.

Just tell them what you told us 🤷‍♂️

This. You need your own room and bed, end of discussion.

BG2015 · 19/09/2026 18:49

Yeah I agree, I hate sharing a bed too. I just wouldn't go to the hen, make an excuse and just go to the wedding.

thisismeithinkorisit · 19/09/2026 18:51

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:26

I don't dislike her as a person at all, I've just tried to distance myself from the group because they're just casual acquaintances and I didn't get back what I was putting in.

Show quote history

why are you going to a hen do and wedding for casual aquantances?

Pumpkinsaregrowingnicely · 19/09/2026 18:53

May I suggest you use the word 'need 'over 'want ?
Sorry mate I dont need to share a room when Travelodge has loads.
If you use' i dont want to' leaves scope for persuasion..
Dd is currently winning an in law battle using dont need to instead of dont what to regarding her dc..

SpottyDeckchair · 19/09/2026 18:54

Dont go.

I refuse to go anywhere unless I have my own bedroom & bathroom.
Ive done the broke, sharing thing when I was young & broke. I have a good income & can afford to raise my standards now.

MellowSubmarine · 19/09/2026 18:56

I know people will say just don’t go, but I’m also invited to the wedding and I feel like it’d be rude

It wouldn’t. People won’t give it a second thought if you say you aren’t able to attend.

Ophy83 · 19/09/2026 18:58

"Oh I'm so sorry I'm already going away that weekend. Have a lovely time! Looking forward to seeing you all at the wedding!!"

Telecone · 19/09/2026 18:58

Yanbu. I would only share a room with my kids. Never with a friend.

ACR7 · 19/09/2026 19:14

I Wouldn’t mind if it was with someone I’m close too. I remember sharing a bed on my hen with my best friend and we were crying laughing at nonsense after a few wines late into the night. Still makes me smile now. We’ve often shared so it would be no big deal. There’s three of us sharing one room on our girls trip next year to keep costs down so two of us will be in the same bed. The main issue with what your describing is sharing with people your not close too which would be a firm no for me. I would be really uncomfortable and would say so.

OrangeFlower14 · 19/09/2026 19:17

Why don’t people on here just tell the truth
Tell the bride, it’s not your thing and you don’t really know the people that are which is fair enough

And don’t go

Horses7 · 19/09/2026 19:17

I wouldn’t go to the hen do or the wedding - from what you’ve said already I can’t understand why you’re even thinking of going!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/09/2026 19:17

It’s fine to rent your own room, but if all the hen activities are using the houses dining table and garden etc you’ll seem a bit tight mooching off the others

Marieb19 · 19/09/2026 19:24

It sounds ghastly. Decline because of a prior holiday/business trip/family event, whatever. You can still go to the wedding. I hear more and more complaints about ludicrously demanding hen parties. First world problems.

newtvtune · 19/09/2026 19:24

I get why you are going. I have a similar group myself and feel left out a lot and part of the furniture but it’s a big step to just cut all contact from people you’ve known so long. I’d probably suffer the bed share tbh if you rent somewhere else the hen do will be awkward with you feeling even more on the outside. Good luck!

Evaka · 19/09/2026 19:27

I wouldn't go at all in your shoes. Weekends are precious, sounds like you wouldn't be comfortable or feel particularly wanted.

Chocolattecoffeecuppa · 19/09/2026 19:27

OP it doesn't sound like you actually want to go to the hen do so why not make an excuse or say you can't go?

If you want to stay in a hotel that's also ok. Why do you care what they think? Just own it. I wouldn't share a room with people I'm not close with either.

Bikergran · 19/09/2026 19:28

Simply invent a clashing event you can't miss, and say you're so sorry but you can't make the hen do.

theneighbourgotmycake · 19/09/2026 19:32

I am not sharing a bed with anyone. Unless it's someone I have sex with, obviously.

I would tell them that: happy to book a hotel, or to get my own bed.

I am already not keen on sharing a bedroom!
If anyone is miffed about bed sharing it's not my problem, and I do love my friends hen dos!

LimpRat · 19/09/2026 19:33

It's an invitation, not a summons. You're an adult, so do what suits you best.

BlackCat14 · 19/09/2026 20:52

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/09/2026 19:17

It’s fine to rent your own room, but if all the hen activities are using the houses dining table and garden etc you’ll seem a bit tight mooching off the others

I was thinking the exact same thing! Obviously we don’t have information about this, but presumably if they’re going for an air bnb vibe, a lot of the activities will be in the air bnb? Whenever I’ve done this sort of hen do before there’s been a jacuzzi, games room, meals etc all at the house. It might be a bit odd that you’re not paying a penny towards the house but spending the day/evening there, using the facilities.

If I was you I probably just wouldn’t bother going!

Coconutter24 · 19/09/2026 21:07

I think I've just been invited as I'm 'part of the furniture' rather than anyone actively wanting me there.

If this is how you feel why are you even bothering to go?

nomas · 19/09/2026 21:10

if you don’t want to decline then maybe tell them you are a terrible snorer and are too embarrassed to share a room so you will stay at a travelodge.

I would decline though.

Peopleshouldhavetails · 19/09/2026 21:16

Ophy83 · 19/09/2026 18:58

"Oh I'm so sorry I'm already going away that weekend. Have a lovely time! Looking forward to seeing you all at the wedding!!"

This is perfect ⬆️
Friendly and easy so no hard feelings at the wedding itself

Doctordoolittle · 19/09/2026 21:22

Herecomethegirls1 · 19/09/2026 18:25

It's not that i don't like them, but they make 0 effort with me (and I have raised this previously) so i stopped contacting them and arranging meet ups. The hen invite came out of the blue, but i can't imagine anyone actually being disappointed if I don't go.

Just don’t go!

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