Can't be bothered sharing a bed at hen do

That's not a sort of group I'd want to be part of. All sounds very much like a teenage/ uni dynamic.

Just tell them you don't want to share a bed and will arrange something for yourself, or don't go. You're an adult.

Say you can’t commit to that weekend at the moment, but if you can come you’ll book a travelodge nearby. If not, you’ll see them at the wedding.

You don't like any of them, don't go to the hen or wedding.

Read what you have said here. Of course you don’t need to go to the hen do. Make an excuse. And if you can find a Travel Lodge for £40 please let me know where.

Could you book yourself a cheap weekend away somewhere and decline the hen do invite saying you are really sorry but you’ve already got plans that weekend? At least that way your not lying but have an excuse not to go but can then still attend the wedding

I've been on trips away (both in this country and abroad), and stag dos with my friends, and have always had my own room, and travelled to the destination on my own, and met them there.

I'm not going to be told what accommodation I'll be staying, what airline/airport I'll be travelling with/from, where I'll be paying for it myself anyway.

I want to do own thing, have my own room, take as long as I'd like in the bathroom without having to wait for someone else, or pressured into hurrying, and I want to watch what I want on the TV in the evenings, and wake up when I want, and go down and have breakfast at a time which suits me, and I'll meet up with everyone else at my convenience, not theirs.

If they all want to share rooms/beds in an AirBnb in a dodgy part of town, and fly from a non-London airport at stupid o'clock just to save a few pounds, which is negated because they'll have to take a taxis, then thats down to them.

Last foreign trip to Spain, I meet up with my friends for two evenings out of the five days we were there. I did what I wanted to do during the day (day tours, etc), then met up in those evenings, when we were all free. No disagreements, or anything, and we're all still friends!

If I was in that situation and wanted to go I would bring along an inflatable camping mattress and sleeping bag - I have threatened to do that before when sharing a room with friends. I think it would be awkward to stay elsewhere particularly as you’re on the periphery of the group already.

But you don’t actually want to go, so don’t - easy enough to have a prior engagement . The wedding is separate, no reason why you can’t attend that if you want to.

Friendship works both ways, and so far all the effort has been on your side. I'd be fazing myself out of the friendship group, if others can't be bothered to make any effort.

I wouldn't be sharing a room with anyone, other than my son or my husband. I would firmly be saying that I'm booking a cheap Travelodge for the night. No one should expect a grown woman to share with another, it's down to personal choice. You are choosing not to participate in sharing a room.

I would just say, eee sorry guys I’m at that age now where I don’t want to share space with my own family at times let alone share a bed with folk 🤣 sorry I’ll still pay for my share of the room but then get myself my own room. Can’t wait to see yous.

I wouldn’t make others pay more because of my choice though even though it’s ridiculous to expect people to share beds. Sharing rooms is bad enough with your own bed.

im totally with you OP, don’t understand why grown women want to share beds we aren’t 19 anymore. I have a friend who lives in another region and we were having a night out and I was single at the time so i said she could stay at mine and have the spare bed, then she fucking got into bed with me. I left and got in the spare bed and have never invited her again.

Why are you even going?

100% agree with this.

Last year, I reconnected with a group of friends I'd not seen for decades. They've stayed variously in touch together, and I was surprised to be invited. Because of my - genuine, but I wouldn't be against exaggerating - health issues, I declined the house share and booked a nearby room. Nobody batted an eyelid 🤗

I joined in the main activities, skipped a couple due to tiredness, paid my share and had a lovely weekend. Do it, OP!

~ By the way, I didn't actually explain my health problems, I just said "due to health crap".

It's fine for habits and dynamics to change over time. I have friends I have known for years. We used to share rooms on trips, now we don't. We used to go on hikes, now some of us do but others don't because of joint problems. It always takes someone to initiate the change. So you say "I'd love to join you, but my room sharing days are over. I've booked a room at X place so I can join each day". Don't ask for permission, just go ahead.

You dont have to do the air b and b. Just say you are/ have made other plans and book the hotel.

In itself no one should care if someone pays for theit own hotel

The whole op makes me think there is weird stuff going on so would decline everything and the fact you dont want to because appearing rude seems the most important thing to you seems odd

Sharing a BED with someone? Jesus. No way. Too old for all that nonsense. Own room at a Travelodge or what have you and join them for the socialising. If they give you gyp, don't go.

I wouldn't go to any of it.
Just make your excuse and do not care about it going forward.

But if you do decide to go - yes -stay in a Travelodge or whatever - with your own bed and room.

I'm a poor sleeper too.
I can't sleep if anyone in the room is snoring or breathing heavily.
And honestly, I'm too old to be dossing down with someone in a shared room or - for fuck's sake - a shared bed. What the hell is that? Just no.

You sound quite resentful. You keep mentioning effort and getting nothing out of them. There’s a lot more going on here

I wouldn’t go to a wedding, let alone a hens, of a casual acquaintance as you describe the bride. Just decline the lot, you don’t like these people!

Why are you even going?

Come on Op, this is a non-issue. You’ve already said they don’t treat you like a proper friend and make no effort to speak to you or to return your visits. Sooo why even consider this? Even if you were getting your own rooms obviously don’t go.

It’s completely nonsensical and very risky to pay money to spend a weekend away with people who don’t like you.

They’ve invited you for one of two reasons - 1. to make up the numbers or 2. To be polite.

Just decline.

The only people apart from DH that I’m happy to share a bed with are my sisters and young adult daughters. Anyone else just seems a bit weird in my 40s. I have a couple of close friends I’ve known for years that I’d share a room with but would rather not share a bed.

anyone else and I’d much prefer to have my own space.

Just say no, to both events. If you hardly see them or speak to them, why bother?

Then just RSVP regrets for both the hen do and the wedding.

If they "discuss you", so what? I think going to something so they don't talk about you is silly.

It seems that they are fine as long as you do all the work/travel to see them, so they really aren't worth it.

Spend that money on you and your loved one at a nice hotel, go out to dinner, sightsee and realize that those "friends" of yours aren't.

Years ago I realised that if I was invited to things I didn’t want to attend, the invitations were probably as uncommitted. Of course I really didn’t have to go to something unless — for any number of reasons — I decided it was better to go.

Hen-dos are an absolute nightmare for people who aren’t in a particular social circle and wedding expectations are wildly out of proportion with the significance of the event to others. Everyone has limited time and money (to whatever degree) and doesn’t necessarily want to spend it on on person’s other friends.

Do what you want to do without being an arse about it. If you want to go, book the place you want and say it’s because you’ll need proper sleep but want to be at the event. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. No excuse needed. If you only want to attend the wedding, say so and offer the bride the option to limit wedding guests to hen-do attendees if she wants.

None of that matters to anyone very much. If they talk about you, that’s ok, it’s human nature. Don’t make yourself unhappy or financially compromised because of something someone else probably won’t mind about anyway.

If all else fails, remember that “the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about”.

I’m too old for sharing beds too (apart from with my DH)
I’d make an excuse and not go