AIBU to think a teenage son would not be spoiled by this?

Jeez, please totally disregard your friend’s comment! He’s 14 ffs, and this is just a normal thing parents would do if they had the money.

It sounds nice but effectively you’ll be losing your family time with him. Is it worth waiting until he’s older so you get to spend time with him now?

I'd hesitate to give a 14 year old boy his own little bailiwick under my roof.

Spoiling isn't the issue. The problem as I see it is creating a sense that you are all equal, and that he can do as he pleases in the space. Fourteen year old boys need no encouragement to think of themselves as gods.

My son has a similar set up, a small bedroom for sleeping and then a larger room with a tv, sofa bed, drum kit etc. Works well no electronics where he sleeps and space for his friends to visit without getting under my feet.

It won’t spoil him. Things like letting your kids always get their way and have everything they want despite bad behaviour are what spoils them, not cool living spaces. Ignore your friend.

This was exactly my thought

not from privilege but when we moved into our new house (which is actually a really old house that’s in need of complete renovation) we gave this biggest room to our two teen boys. They have to share. But there room is big enough that they have their own pretty big gaming desks each, beds, wardrobes and a double sofa bed for friends to sleep over on. Plus enough floor space to seemingly play a football match in Ha! We promised them that we would give them the big room etc because they share and they are growing boys. Our room isn’t that much smaller and the other kids rooms are decent sizes but theirs is like 16ft sq. they have their friends over. They keep pride in their room (it was one of the first rooms decorated so it’s much nicer than the rest of the house). But the good thing is - they aren’t and don’t want to hang about doing nothing in the street. They are content to have friends over and hang at home. To me, that’s priceless. Let your friend set the rules she wants and you do you. If he abuses the privilege then take action. But a small living space if you can give it will help to teach him how to keep pride in his area. Obviously not everyone can do this and some kids have to share space or have small rooms but if you had the ability to give your kids more (providing they are good kids) why wouldn’t you? Why punish him for potentially becoming spoilt without giving him the chance to be otherwise?

I would love to be able to do this for my DS. I'd much rather he and his friends had a safe bit (semi) private space to hang out than be wandering the streets.

You do you. Enjoy your money and treat your son to his own sitting room. You do not need to justify your decisions to anyone. Nor should you ask for permission/confirmation from strangers that your decision is right for you!

Absolutely brilliant idea! My best friend has a similar set up for her teen (18). He has his room with ensuite and another room decked out like a sitting room for when friends come over, not fancy people at all and just a normal 4 bed house.

Your friend sounds jealous and quite possibly anxious that her DC will start campaigning for a similar arrangement. I wouldn't pay her much heed. If the sitting room is framed as study space (as well as somewhere to bring friends) all of your DS's things for school can live there, including his tech. As long as he doesn't smuggle his smartphone off to bed, his bedroom will be a more restful spot for bedtime reading, listening to music and sleeping, something he may very well value as school becomes more intense. Most young people have to do all their sleeping, studying relaxing and socialising in one room and are fortunate if they have the space to themselves. You can be a little more expansive; why shouldn't your DS benefit?

The word is 'Jealous'

We had two living rooms when I was growing up and I got one of them to hang out with my friends/ watch my own choice of tv shows in and I’m very much not spoilt!

This sounds amazing what a great hangout for teens

What on earth has it got to do with her? Utter nonsense.

We have a lounge for our teens (quite common here in Australia). Our house it is quite open plan so continuous with another part of the house but it is their space. Having teens hanging out on a big sofa and being able to provide a safe space for them is an amazing opportunity. It can be hard to stay connected with teens as they get older and we have been grateful to be able to do this.

You won’t get much longer to spoil him as a child. So do it. Give him the big bedroom and activity space. Your friend sounds a tad jealous.

If I could do this for my teenage daughter, I would in a heartbeat! How lovely!

Sounds brilliant. Dump the ‘friend’ and get that teen lounge. You won’t regret.

Our son has 2 rooms. A smaller bedroom and a larger den. I actually wanted to knock through a connecting door, but DH said no.
The bedroom is a quiet room for homework.
The den is massive with a couple of huge sponge-filled beanbags on the floor which are way better than a sofa. Also good for sleeping on when friends come round. 2 desks with gaming PCs, his main one and a spare for friends. And a TV.
It's decorated in his choice of colours.

The thing is, if you have the money, and you spend money on yourselves on luxuries and more space, why should member of the same family be deprived of the same privileges? That would be very mean IMO.

It’s a great idea. We have 2 living rooms (one is joined to a dining kitchen and the other is separate). Out 10 & 12 year old regularly take over the separate one with all their friends and we retreat to the other and pop in and out to keep an eye on them. In a couple of years when we refurbish it I’ll definitely do it with them in mind and make it teenage hang out friendly. We have considered giving them a smaller bedroom each when older then making their current bedrooms into living room/study spaces but we like having a study and a box room so for now we will go with a living room downstairs kitted out with them in mind and we can revisit the individual bedroom/living space each on 1st floor if they end up here for a while as young adults

A space for teenagers to hang out, a former play room etc., is the norm in many houses.
Very normal.
She sounds ridiculous.
I would limit what I would be telling her.
Sounds like she prefers you in your former poor box!

This is similar to us. The teen group gets the separate lounge when they’re over (and sleeping over) and we hang in the kitchen / diner / lounge (which has a big TV as well). They aren't around forever. My friend built an entire cabin (which you can sleep in) in the garden for her teens to hang out as she wanted them to be happy to hang at her’s and they do!

Your son your choice. I think it’s ridiculous what your friend has said. However what I would be concerned about is to get teenagers to socialise as a family is hard work in itself and with that extra space may make it more difficult so I would give him that space and be extra mindful to get him to come out of his pit a little more

Whether or not he has this extra bit of space in your house is not going to make any difference at all to whether he’s spoiled or not.

Thats much more to do with the general values you raise him with.